I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

It will get better op.
I have 2 both adults now 22 and 20 i raised has a single mum all their lifes.
But i did it without help without CM just me.
Some days harder than others but it got easy as they got older nothing would get me back to the younger years no way.
I had my children young pleased i did im not even 40 yet.
Hang in there op it will be worth it.

Try having 3 and 2 are neurodivergent 🤪

Oh my god, I'm the same. It won't get better. I really feel you...
No family in UK, no help,no support.
My first born (6) with ADHD, second born is 2.
I literally crying every day.

Mine are 4 and 6 now, and it's wonderful. A lot more playing together than squabbling, although there is still squabbling of course. I was hard when they were little, but now our friends with only children seem to be constantly required as playmates while I can do my own thing a lot of the time while mine play together. They're also very good at sharing.

I think this op posts this same issue a lot and often any helpful comments are turned into negatives.

Minne have two years between them and the early years were though. Now they are teens and both of them are happy that they have a sibling.

Yeah I thought I’d read this at least once or if not twice before. Perhaps OP doesn’t want advice just a place to vent?

There was a post about dreading the two weeks off at Christmas when nursery was closed and the OP didn’t want to spend the 2 weeks with her 2 and 4 yo as she found them really hard work. Seems really
similar to this post and the link a PP has linked in

I genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about here. I posted a bit frustrated this evening as to be honest they’ve been winding me up all day. I’m sure it may get easier but to be honest it also may not, especially as siblings do bicker and fight. I did with mine. But I massively underestimated how much it would bother me. I haven’t posted before about it and I’m definitely not going to again given these sorts of responses It’s really shit when you come online just to vent a bit and get accused of ‘always posting about it’ when I don’t

Oh, you must Hve posted before then as apparently having a four year old and a two year old is vastly unusual

wait until they're teens you'll be wishing for those days of when they were little back! the ages yours are at can be difficult but you will soon have a few short enjoyable years before they hit their teens. My teens are good but they not longer want to do things with me like they used to which i know is normal as they're growing and gaining independence. I do miss the little versions of them. They grow up in the blink of an eye.

Honestly my oldest is nearly 10 and was just talking today with a friend about how fast things have changed and he’ll be out of the house/pretty independent in just a few short years. In 7 years he’ll be driving - feel like yesterday that he was 3 so those 7 years will fly, each year is just getting faster. Honestly, it’s not forever, and you might find you enjoy it more as they get older and more interesting. Maybe not, but at least they get older and more independent. Plus their age gap will lessen and they will do more stuff collaboratively.

Do you’re DC pick up on how much you ‘hate’ having 2 kids?

Just asking, why did you have 2?

And lastly, I get it you’re just venting!

Mine are roughly the same ages and it definitely has its challenges! Lovely too of course, but the combination of 2 and 4 has hit us the hardest so far.

One thing that works really well when mine are arguing is to put them on the same team so they feel in cahoots. For example, I might pretend to be a lion/monster/dragon or whatever and chase them both. Or I might jokingly say I'm going to sleep and I hope no cheeky children wake me up. It weirdly works really well for my two 🤷‍♀️

Hang in there OP…promise it will get easier once they get a bit older, even from youngest hitting 3-4. They both get a bit more mature, they can enjoy more of the same things, become more independent and play better together at the places like the park.

I know you're finding it hard, but coming from someone here who would adore a third child, please don't let this time pass.
Try and enjoy them and let all the housework, etc slide. We can't do everything at parents

@ffsfindmeausername i don’t think I will to be honest. There are lovely moments but mostly I find the early years exhausting and very lonely. I vastly prefer my older child at age four than I did at age two. People often say things like ‘oh hasn’t it gone quickly’ and maybe I’m odd but it hasn’t for me!

To be honest in many ways I can’t wait for them to be teenagers, I can leave the house without them, long lie ins, sit in a restaurant, maybe even a holiday abroad. We shall see, I’m sure it will bring its own challenges. I do love them very much and I wish I’d had them younger so that I could have had a bigger age gap as in many ways I’m not the best person to have two fairly close together. But then I probably wouldn’t have got back on the horse so to speak. No one really knows.

Hey OP ..👋
Yes , 100 gazillion % , gets better ..
They are tough ages , how come though, besides you having one on Sat, & your husband having other, that ye don’t rotate it, you having 2 & following Sat he does ..
That way , at least, you will be looking forward to your break, & he his ..
Hang in there x

I have a 4YO DS and 18MO DD and can relate to you OP.

My DS is going through some development leaps and can either be the sweetest boy imaginable or evil incarnate.

They've already had some lovely moments at Bath time and play and the like so I can already feel like it was worth it having two.

Some of my friends are one and done, whilst it is lovely they can pop to London to take their 6YO to see Matilda I'm often wondering if their kid is lonely at home, which realistically is where they will spend most of their time.

Some of my wife's friends are only children and it's patently obvious they have never heard no and don't understand the concept of sharing or considering others feelings.

Having siblings toughened me up too. It's the greatest gift you can give them - each other.

I don’t get it. I have the same age kids but can do those things you’ve mentioned

leave the house without them - DH has them. Or babysitter or family?

go on holiday abroad. We’ve just done that. Aside from cost, kids don’t stop you going on holiday.

have a lie in - again DH has them

sit in a restaurant - also possible with kids. You either go with them at lunchtime. Go with friends and dh has the kids. Or go with dh in the evening and book a babysitter??

@Iammatrix - I am largely just venting and much of my ‘hatred’ of having two children is really guilt. I’m constantly spread very thin indeed. Today we came in from an outing, youngest is screaming and screaming for a drink, while I was trying to find her drinking bottle my older one was endlessly ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ at me. It’s hard in moments like that.

I am sorry if others would like a bigger or smaller family but ultimately that isn’t my fault or my responsibility and it’s unfair to lie it at my door.

@OutandAboutMum1821 thanks and logically I know you’re right. I just hate feeling constantly flustered!

You don’t get it @Waterlilysunset . Have a lie in and DH has them and I can hear them screaming and arguing and crying. Not quite the same. Nearest family are 80 miles away and DH isn’t here most of the week. Plus to be honest having them both is so stressful we both try to minimise doing that to the other parent unless strictly necessary. Aside from cost you say, yes, it is a big aside isn’t it? And the restaurant thing - it just isn’t the same as having a relaxing family meal with a toddler. Unless I resort to screens but even then have to help them with food and have wipes and the like at the ready. It’s fine if you can do all the above with a four year old, two year old twins and pregnant but we just can’t at the moment and that’s just how things are.

Ah sorry - I meant you and DH need to take them both so you can each also have time on your own. So Saturday morning DH takes them out, ideally till after lunch so you have a few hours to yourself and then you do the same on Sunday. Does that happen?

Are you able to book a couple of days off and they still go out childcare?

I have children the same age as you so you don’t need to explain it to me. You seem very defeatist. Why don’t you book a babysitter so you can go to a restaurant?

also you should both be able to look after your children so the other person can have me time.

It is. But I don't like the question as it is just another thing to hold op responsible for - not picking the right partner.

The reality, even in 2025, is that dads are not doing their share. They are ‘good’ dads and partners if they do just a bit on top of the min accepted of them. And you just do not know what kind of parent they’ll be until they become one.

Hire a babysitter.