I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

I feel like every one on here who says they hate having two kids have a two year old and a 4 year old. These are such tough ages! Once older one is in school with routine I suspect it will get better. But I’m sure you feel like you’re in the trenches!

love having 2- they are now 4&7 and play together, yes they fight but the time I get back from not having to entertain them all the time is priceless.

Have three then, simples.

4 and 2 are really tricky ages, hang in there. Mine are all older than that now, and it's honestly lovely (most of the time!) Especially when they all chat about random Minecraft shit that I've got no idea about and no interest in, or laugh themselves silly over stupid internet jokes - as they get older, there are some things that siblings are better for than parents.

On weekends I think it's easier to take it in turns each parent taking both kids so the other one can have an actual break.

It gets better I promise, soooo much better. I have the same age gap as you but my two are now teenagers. Yes they do still squabble that doesn't seem to end, but we've had many, many years now of them entertaining each other (so I didn't have to!) they've played with each other on every holiday growing up. Now they have actual conversations (when they're not squabbling) and I know they are each others biggest defender when it matters. It's really, really hard when they're 2&4 but pays dividends later.

I have an almost 3yo and 4yo with no family nearby who can help. It's been tough but I am finding it improving since the little one started doing more herself, like dressing and toilet training.

My DH and I used to split them on weekends so no one parent had to deal with 2 at once but we've recently started being able to handle both together so one will take the kids and give the other parent a break. The squabbling is annoying but they seem to be (a bit!) better at moving away from each other. If my experience is anything to go by, you're just about through the worst bit!

I thought the exact same thing, I recognise something in the wording

Exactly this! (Mine are 7 & 4 too).
I love having 2, they love and entertain each other, play together, they're a little gang. Much easier for me and DH to do stuff together, so much lovelier on holidays, I found 0-1 a million times harder. You're in your groove with the 2nd 1.

Can you say what are the biggest problems you have exactly?

It will defintely get better OP promise! It's hard when they're toddlers and I had the luxury to be a sahm so I can only imagine when you add work outside to that. Take it day by day and try to see if there are certain times that are worse than others and try to find solutions.

I don’t know if there was a similar one but it wasn’t me.

It probably isn’t all that uncommon.

I really hope it gets easier. I enjoy them individually but I hate them together.

I have two of similar ages to you and understand how you're feeling! Some times are lovely and they play together so well and we're all happy but the times they bicker and argue and have screaming meltdowns which is at least once a day if not probably more is so hard! The things I'm trying to do to cope is give my older child more autonomy like choosing her own clothes, helping me cook dinner and setting up play stations and definitely time outside. It will get better! 💐

I had two with a 2.5 year age difference. Absolutely loved it. There are so many things you can do that will occupy both of them. Crafts, toys, gardening, forest walks, den building, insect watching, even housework, etc. Is it just that you don't know what to do with them?

Im in the same boat as you OP. I keep hoping the squabbling will be less when my youngest is around 5 (as I think my 5 year old gets dragged down to the 3 year olds level!)

It’s better once at school and mine are teens now and hang out together and are great to be around.

They are at ages where it can be difficult. It doesn't last forever. I remember going through a difficult phase when ours were 8, 4 and 1 that lasted for maybe a year or two then things just got so much easier. You're in the trenches, but it won't last forever.

I just have the one, and whilst it was all fun and games at the younger age it's harder now. He is 12 and if there are no friends available he's lonely, when we go on holiday if he doesn't meet friends he's bored and lonely and we have to ensure one of us is available to entertain him in the pool etc, which if course we enjoy but he gets fed up of us! When we go to theme parks etc we've started to let him bring a friend so he has someone his own age to have fun with. I am happy with our decision to have 1 but I do sometimes wish we had had 2.

We have four. All adults/teens. I absolutely love hearing them laugh and talk to each other. They are best of friends. As toddlers they were kicking the shit out of each other daily. I am so happy they will have each other when we eventually die. Over the years there have been so many moments of joy as they have played together. Of course there have been fights and horrible times but the good times far far outweigh the bad. They've also learned the art of negotiation and how to resolve disputes and to compromise. I think this is helped set them up for being great partners for the future.

They also don't have the pressure of being the only child that needs to succeed, they can fuck up for a bit and somebody else can take up that slack! They also have all to cook, clean and self manage as we don't have the time or energy to look after them all the time. Again essential skills.

Only children have lots of benefits and in some ways it's a lot easier for parents but it can be quite dull for them.

It gets sooo much easier in a couple of years when you hit the golden ages.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5314197-to-wish-i-hadnt-had-another-child?reply=143520226

Your descriptions of the weekend etc are almost identical.

Hopefully the reassurances that it’s gets easier with time helps. Everything with parenting is a phase and this one will pass too.

I have DS and DD adults so all of this is a distant memory .

I do know some of DS friends were from One and Done families or large age gap ( so the youngest one was almost like an only child )

DS was a bit envious as his mates didn't have to share , more time with parents etc. But the friend often told me they were jealous as he had a sibling .

So you don't know what's going on behind the scenes !

It is tough , mine wound each other up big time . Even now as adults but they're pretty close .
I wasn't ever in the market to have 3 , I am a middle child of three

Yes the entertaining each other is priceless. My friends who only have 1 feel needed all the time

I was looking for this!! It seemed so so similar.

Now,now, that is the opposite of help 😆

<voice of experience as a middle child of three who vowed never to have a third one>

are they the same gender? I think that helps sometimes. Mine are girls and tend to like the same things. The older they get the easier it is. Today they have laughed and played all day and are super excited in their bedroom because I’ve let them have a little snuggle and chat for 10 mins in the same bed before I go up for bedtime stories. It will get better.

When my second turned two and got opinions of her own I remember thinking aaah this is why everyone says 2 kids is hard. Up till then my daughter just in the pram happy doing everything. I remember being at a farm where she wanted the animals and my 4 year old wanted the playground. They were too young to negotiate with effectively. I recall just giving up after a stand off in the entrance.

it gets better. And then in my view easier than just one, they play together lovely (6 and 4) and are really good at coming up with compromises between them and taking turns

It will be easier when at least one is at school. Mine are nearly 4 years apart, so I've always had them mostly one at a time as eldest was in nursery and almost at school when 2nd was born, which I find much easier to parent. We do the same thing of having one child each at weekends, and we don't have much of a break without them, but I find that's OK as I'm doing it one to one. We also kept them napping for as long as possible so I would get a break in the afternoons (my eldest napped until school age), and make use of drop-off activities and things like kids theatre and concerts where you still spend time with them but someone else is entertaining them. And holiday camps once they are school aged.

I have friends with onlies and in some ways the juggling is easier, but they are always having to arrange play dates and go on holiday with friends or wider family. We are in a bit of a bubble and I wouldn't want to have another child to come on our family days out or holidays.