I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

She probably doesnt understand in the same way people don't understand why she would have a bigger gap...

In reality I've done both. 3 years gap between first 2 then 9.5 years to number 3. So I've lived both sides of it

If I had to do it alla gain id definitely go for the bigger age gaps. So much easier

She doesn't have to understand, same as nobody has to understand her choice, just accept that everyone is different!

Oh FFS . It was a throwaway comment In reality she probably doesn't give a shit.

Why is it any different to all these people on this thread saying " oh I couldn't have a big gap like that"

What are you FFSing for?

Posters were just expressing an opinion, same as you.

And how much did that cost?

Everything is easier when you can throw money at it. Newborn sleeplessness is a breeze if you can afford a maternity nurse. Housework is a breeze if you can afford a cleaner and so on....

And lets flag down a cab and head to Real Street shall we? How many people can realistically afford to have a Mothers help (as they used to be known) during ML? Not the vast majority. Most are ekeing out their SMP and savings to have as long with their baby as possible before spunking thousands on childcare and going back to work.

Your privilege is showing.

Because you picked at that ONE bit of the post. Convenient that

As I stated also I am probably one of the people that actually do understand the difference as lived both age gaps.

It was the bit that stood out yes.

I had DS, 6 yr gap, DD, 5year gap, DD, 3 year gap, DD, 1 year gap (barely...that was an "oops") DS, 7 year gap, DD.

DS1 was 21 when DD4 was born.

Do I win?

Out of all of them, the two that get on least best are the two with a one year gap. They adored each other until about 6 and 7 ish. Been at best an armed truce since, with the occasional outbreak of war. Since they both hit their 20's they have got on better but I suspect thats because they live 400 miles apart.

@PyongyangKipperbang i very clearly posted in support of the OP earlier. She is clearly struggling and I think anyone would. Parenting is not all about magical moments, toddlers and babies are hard work and she's allowed to not like certain stages. I personally hated the newborn stage, it was the hardest couple of months of my life.

And as to my post above, it was in reply to someone saying babysitters are only available for evenings. That's not true. You can hire a babysitter for any time of day and it is a legitimate choice. And if you can afford a babysitter for date night, why not hire them to come in the day instead?

I would have no idea where to find a day babysitter nor do I know anyone else who had one!

Babysitters are often older schoolchildren, students, childcare workers etc who are busy during the day?

@mainecooncatonahottinroof there are agencies. Plenty of them, at least in London.

It will get easier I promise. My older two are 2 years apart and it’s tough to begin with but it’s ace now (they are 8 and 10). Yes they fight and argue but they are best mates. I have a 3rd, now that I do not recommend. I love him to death but jeez 3 is hard especially with an age gap as I’m going through all the tough times again and often on my own as older two have lots of sports etc to get to. It’s tough now as they both need you so much but honestly in a few years when they 8/10 you will be lying on a sunbed whilst they entertain each other in the pool. I’m currently on holiday and exhausted with our youngest

You’re being ridiculous, a babysitter is someone who takes on childcare responsibilities on an ad hoc basis. If you wanted to find one it would be incredibly easy with a quick search in your area.
“I wouldn’t know how to find that” is such a cop out in 2025.
You’re posting on mumsnet, I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of downloading a babysitting app.

I thought that , then I cry when I see photos of my 45 year old daughter and just want to hold her as a small child again when at that time I just wanted her to grow up a bit because when you're in the middle of it all it seems so hard and endless.xx

One of the highlights when my older three were all pre-schoolers: dh phoned from the lovely bar of the 5 star European city hotel he was in to tell me Robbie Williams and Kiri to Kanawa were both in there so they'd shut the bar but were giving mere mortals free drinks/snacks. I believe I hung up on him.

Another time he called to say he'd had the best lunch ever and proceeded to go into detail about it. Again, I hung up!

One time he was in a bar and Slash from Guns n Roses came in to do an impromptu unplugged set. Wasn't happy at that one!

We're still married (!) and have four lovely adult children. It honestly gets so so much better, As an only child I count myself so lucky. I look at them together and realise however different they are, they have such a strong bond.

You're being extremely rude. You could have said that in a much nicer way. Do you think it makes you look clever to post snark?

I'm not looking for a fucking babysitter in 2025 because my children are adults.

It's just not something I have ever heard of.

I'm sure you are perfectly capable of being polite but...

I thought as much. I am not in London. I don't think they are common elsewhere but as my youngest is 21, it's not something I've had to think about for years, but I've never come across such a service, even with people I know who have young children.

Thank you for being civil about it x

There is that privilege again.

I know! Some people seem incapable of comprehending that we are not all in fucking London!!

I did live and work in London many years ago, and going on replies on here, people were a lot more polite back then!!

Definitely this. You’re still in the trenches OP, hang in there and it will become a lot more manageable and even enjoyable in a few short years.

Well in fairness, its hard to set up a babysitting agency when we are dodging Zombies and trying to restart life in our post apocalypse wasteland.....

@mainecooncatonahottinroof @PyongyangKipperbang I'm sorry for being an immigrant in the UK and only ever living in London. Is everyone born or living in London mega privileged? If so, sounds like you need to move to London.

I've just done a 30 second Google search for babysitting agencies in Newcastle and I found 5. I couldn't be arsed to read further. There are babysitters everywhere. If you don't want to use them, fine. But it's not some London specific benefit.

You’re the one continuing to argue about something which is utter nonsense.

Of course there are babysitters during the day. You’re just wrong, stop trying to double down.
It’s not a London thing for godsake.
You apparently never having heard of it nor knowing how to book one is hardly relevant.

You can't dump one roadside so are rather stuck. Get a diary and use that to vent in, keep it an re read it if you ever consider another.

Realistically if you are finding it so overwhelming then something needs to change and I include his job in this. If it doesn't work for your family, in that you are left picking up the slack and feel overwhelmed then you need to have a sit down conversation about it.

The situations you have described weren't ones that would get to me as a parent and are quite specific to their ages. However you are doing lots of solo parenting which is tough! It won't always be this way however siblings do squabble. Currently you are in the trenches and at a stage where they demand a lot of you physically snd mentally. That part does change as they get older, there will be less physical demands on you.

There used to be a nationwide one called Sitters. Not a clue if it's still going as been 15 years since used hgem