I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

What you might consider "poor family planning" is what others might see as 'ideal family planning'! You have no idea of the reasons behind each family's decisions!

It took 3 and a half years and interventions (not IVF) for me to conceive. If I could have come out of hospital pregnant again with DC2, I would have! I was afraid of having issues again so got pregnant again when DC1 was 13 months hence a 22 month gap. I loved having two littlies close in age and even now as adults, they really are each other's best friend. Age was not on my side so we decided to ttc again when younger one 2, but due to two miscarriages, there was then a 4.5 year gap to DC3.

If you plan to have more than two children, a five year gap is too long!

Two boys now in their 20s. Similar age gap. I also found it extremely difficult at those ages until the older one went to school then it started to get easier. I also used to wish they were teenagers so I could get a break but then they became teenagers and I cried my eyes out regularly when they didn’t want to hang out with us as much, and wished they were little boys again. The teenage years were the toughest in my experience especially 14/15 to 17/18. Then I was counting the days until they went off to uni. And then when the first one did I cried my eyes out again for a couple of weeks. It’s tough what you’re going through but I’d give anything to be back there at times. They’ve both turned into lovely young men now btw but I still get mum guilt. Keep the faith and sending hugs.

It gets easier from about now honestly. Once the 4 year old starts school, it'll be easier. I have the same age gap and have been a single mum since youngest was 10 months old. No family near by and their dad moved back to his hometown 3 hours away! I survived it, you will too, the end is in sight!

You were rude on page 2, and have carried on through the thread. No one thinks only children don't socialise. However you can't change that a sibling means that there is always someone to socialise with at home. You were rude about parents of more than one child, made assumptions with no basis and don't like being called out on it.

I wouldn't have had another child if I was already out of the baby stage, I had mine close together (and then #2 became #2 and #3) to get the baby stage over with at once.

DS was 16 months when twin DD's were born. DD's will be 1 at the end of next week and so far, so good.

That’s what we all think, but honestly when they got to 16 I rather missed the days when the arguments and complaints were about wanting to wear Thomas the Tank Engine pants and them all being in the wash!

And when they both turned 18 it was like male gorillas 🦍 trying to assert their superiority over their dad. It passed and they’re (mostly) lovely now.

Oh you're back again. What was your comment that got deleted, the one where you mixed me up with another poster. I'm still waiting for you to quote me with your accusation. You were asked hours ago to quote it. I'll wait...

That's your choice. One of my DDs has a 7.5 year gap between her 2 ( intentionally in)

She says she doesn't understand why people would have kids so close together rather than preventing fighting between them, having to pay full time childcare for 2 at same time, letting body have a decent time to recover from pregnancy, and having time to enjoy a young one full without being so shattered looking after 2 little ones or more.

That's exactly my opinion too, although for me I don't want to go through it all over again now my DD is 5, at school and much more independent. So she'll be my only.
If I was going to have two, I'd have had them close together to get it all over. I didn't enjoy the baby stage. Unfortunately I wasn't in the right mental state to do it at the time.

Fighting over “imaginary cake”, OMG, I’m crying here! Hilarious!

Not everyone can wait 7 years even if they wanted to. I would’ve been well into my 40’s if I waited that long.

Definitely pros and cons to both.

Yeah I suppose that's the choice of waiting till u are much older to have the first.

Your local supermarket does a good range in durex.

I know. It just goes to show siblings can always find something to disagree on 😂

Did you have a little giggle and feel all clever and superior when you posted that?

Well done you. 🙄

Oh the flip side I couldn’t imagine anything worse than choosing a 7.5 year age gap. Sleepless newborn nights years and years after the first set, children’s needs so far apart for their entire childhood as what suits an 8 year one won’t suit a 1 year old and then what suits an 8 year old won’t suit a 15 year old!
Mine are 2 years apart and after an intense first year it’s now bewnfitical for them to be so close. They can do the same activities, they eat the same food, they’re on the same schedule and they don’t have vastly different needs.

3 & 1 and 4&2 were my hardest ages, or the most work at least. Once the eldest was in school it got a bit easier, then when the youngest went I started feeling like myself again. Now they are 9 & 7 they are literally best buddies. They play together, they like the same things, they do squabble but mostly sort it out between themselves, they have a constant companion and are a bit lost without each other. I'm an only child and I had a lonely, lonely childhood. There's no way to sugar coat it, it's just a fact that as an only you often spend a lot of time either alone or tagging along to adult activities. I'm so glad my boys will always have each other, even after we're gone.

I dont recall them falling out about imaginary cake, that is so funny, but I can well remember similar things that mine did. I can see it now "Lets have this cake, I am having the biggest piece" "But I want the biggest piece" "You cant as I am having it...." ten minutes later full on screaming snotty tears and you are thinking "WTF?!! Why am I mediating over a piece of cake that doesnt fucking exist?!" I am only amazed that any parents make it out of the toddler years without a drink problem!

I'd have hated that long a gap. It would be like starting all over again. Two children that far apart aren't likely to have a lot in common so unlikely to have a close relationship. Having said that my eldest is 6.5 years older than my youngest but it's balanced by having another in the middle.

I don't know what she "doesn't understand" though. Some people feel differently to her, and some of us didn't have the luxury of time!

I suffered from infertility for 3.5 years. It wasn't a "choice".

Do they also do time machines?

Well seeing as both my DDs grew up with a sibling 3 years older/younger than themselves and BOTH chose to have larger age gaps ( DD1 has 13 years between child 1 and 2) then it seems they didn't feel having a close in age sibling was a positive thing. Both have said they couldn't deal with the nonstop arguing and fighting.

I have a 3rd child (. 12 and 9 years younger than first 2,) Both have a better relationship with the youngest than each other..

To the people saying “get a babysitter” - they don’t come during the day when you really need a break, they come at night when you’re knackered and don’t want to go out, they don’t usually put the kids to bed which is one of the worst bits and eats into your night. That’s before you mention the cost

You can get a babysitter for any time of day you want.

@Housebuyingfamily babysitters come whenever you tell them to. I hired a domestic helper to come 12-6pm 2 days a week when I was on mat leave, from when my baby was 4 months old. She did dishes, opped the floors, watched my baby while I napped. DH would leave work early on a Friday so we had a date night every week in that time too.