I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

What are your psychology credentials? I work in mental health. Saying people need therapy, as a dig (and don’t deny it) is pathetic behaviour. The OP doesn’t automatically need CBT just because she is disliking this phase of child-rearing (unless there are other issues going on).

I'm not a mind reader. Bit strange that you think I should know the ages of your children now 🙄Again with the assuming that I've never been in the company of 2 children at the same time. I used to work in a pre-school so I've met plenty of 2 and 4 year olds having tantrums,crying, whinging etc. I was even in the same room as my DDs slighty older cousins at the same time and had to referee, imagine that. I know how hard they are. Where did I say different?

Being a mum of young children is hard work.
It saddens me that so many people seem to like telling others they should 'try and enjoy it' and making them feel guilty for struggling. You're allowed to struggle and not need therapy. What mums fail to realise if that it's just a phase. It passes and it gets easier.

It gets better and easier as they get older. I think all parents get pissed off at times and get depressed especially when there's so much going on. I used to feel the same sometimes that I'd only had one. Now they're older I actually wish I'd had another one. Try not to make how you feel turn into resentment.

Trust me when your youngest hits 4 and your kids spend most their time playing with each other whilst your friends are having to keep their one occupied all the time you will be so glad you chose to have 2. There is 17 months between mine and I found it so hard on the early days, but I genuinely believe it is easier than having one when they get a little older. Hang on in there

Mine are 7 and 4 and they now entertain each other leaving me out of it. Onlys probably need more parental interaction especially during holidays

How was this age gap ? I’m pregnant with an almost 5 year old and this thread makes me worried things will be nightmarish with 2 kids. Hoping it’ll be ok !

And there was me thinking that you were 🙄

I think I mentioned that my children were adults now somewhere in the thread, might have, might not. Not going back to check. I think my posts made it clear enough that this was in the past and I don't have a current 2 year old.

Don't be ridiculous, working in a pre-school is nothing like having 2 children at home with you, unless you brought your work home.

Your posting style is very rude.

Yours might've done Mine didn't...

It will be fine. There be tougher days and easier days - being a mum isn't easy, but the joy they will bring you is immense. I think that's quite a good gap. I had DC3 when DC1 was 6.5 and DC2 4.5 and apart from DC3 sharing crisps with the baby the night he was born, and falling over onto their head in the Moses basket, nobody came to any harm! Don't let this thread worry you. If it was that bad, nobody would ever have any more than two! Best wishes!

Oh dear!

Even now and they are in their 30s lol. Luckily live hundreds of miles apart

4 and 2 is awful - you're in the trenches but it gets better. 7 and 5 is beautiful (well.... in comparison). When everyone in the house was continent, didn't climb up on furniture and I could switch off the constantly fretting part of my mind and leave them play for 15-20 minutes without checking on them, life became so much better. Once everyone is over the age of 3.5, I was able to regain a sense of my own identity/spend time on my own even with them in the house with me. It won't be like this forever.

I have only 1 AC, but the exH remarried and had 2 DC. They and my DC all love each other and see each other regularly. It's marvellous to hear them chatting and laughing. They even look alike.

Well mine are in their 20s and until very recently were all living at home for various reasons - one's now moved out.

Boy can they squabble!

Perfect. I had morning routine then school run then time with baby on mat leave then doing baby massage etc I wasn't stressed as got me and baby time etc then a walk tk school with the pram natter to parents then chat with dd and cook tea so worked well. It's less lonely and isolating as you have someone who can talk etc and a school routine. Main advise don't bring the eldest to collect u and baby from hospital that did not work as well as I'd have liked as she wanted to carry car seat and I was emotional after birth etc. Get a cleaner in before you come home from having baby and send your washing home before u acc go home x

My eldest has always been a little mother to youngest. She's a helicopter sister now

Changing your negative might help.

It’s really hard. Definitely get used to you and H taking both kids so you each get a break. And honestly try to bring all the cheesy, happy, children’s TV presenter energy singing kids songs etc and being playful, using humour etc. They will feed off it and be more positive themselves. Fake it till you make it.

Hi op,

No you shouldn’t feel like that. It isn’t a critic. It is a ringtone…something is off, you have too much in your plate and no way to relax.

Well…that won’t work. Neither for you. Neither for the kids. Neither for hubby who will not escape the crash coming.

you need a DAY off! Or a morning. Have your hubby have both kids (if you can, he can) and rest. Even just 10min knowing you don’t have to get up are salvation…tell your hubby you need a Saturday morning. Exchange the Sunday for him. Organise time off with each other…no more each have one. He needs to pull his weight in.

Good luck 🌺

That’s tough to say you hate them together 😩

I relate to so much of what you’re saying - I have a just turned four-year-old and a 21month old and it is hard! I recognise your feelings just through what you’re writing - the hard days are awful and come with so many emotions, it’s natural to think ‘what if’. Doesn’t mean we’d change having our littler ones though, just that we’re in a rough moment.

I’m holding on for when they’re 3 and 5, really hopeful it’ll all start to get easier from there on out - and before long, the benefits of having two will really start to show.

Exactly why people should wait until the age gap is 5 or more years apart. That’s your poor family planning if you had them so close together.

Bit of a judgemental comment. I don't think there was any poor planning by OP. There are positives and negatives for both choices. If I had waited >5 years, we would never have been able to conceive. It took us well over a year after beginning trying after our first and we started trying less than a year after she arrived. Fertility can change a lot over just a few years.

I had a 6 year gap between me and my closest-in-age brother and I really resented having to spend all my time doing baby stuff and that feeling lasted through all my childhood. We were completely different developmental stages and could never see the same films/do the same activities.

That's just my experience though. Some elder siblings love having a little one looking up to them/to help look after. All families are different and parenting very young children is a really hard stage to get through, particularly for people low on family support.

My eldest has always mothered the other two as well and as an adult, still does. Just her nature!