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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Snoopy1234567 · 15/04/2025 18:24

I like it, my own ring is the same though…..albeit a lot smaller 🤣 I look at it every day and still love it after close to 2 decades! People commented on the size of mine, I didn’t give a crap, just smiled and enjoyed it. You do the same!

PinkTonic · 15/04/2025 18:39

If this is true which seems to be doubtful due to photo discrepancies, it’s really disingenuous to say that a ring that cost the same as some houses shouldn’t provoke comment. Especially if you aren’t a high net worth individual who would see owning a 5ct diamond as normal. In which case no one would give it a second thought, especially your mother who presumably knows your lifestyle. If you didn’t have a car, house, watch and shoes in 5ct diamond territory, most people would just assume it was fake.

Fernticket · 15/04/2025 19:02

OP. Your ring is fabulous. Wear it with pride and ignore all the nasty jealous people. Wishing you a long and happy marriage.

Sennelier1 · 15/04/2025 19:03

Some people hate it when other people are happy 😊 Enjoy your fabulous ring, wear it whenever and wherever you want! Get married to your prince, be happy ❣️

JuliaLilian · 15/04/2025 19:22

You should take no notice of any of them and please yourself. Can’t believe how your “friends” and Mum are so opinionated.

Thalia31 · 15/04/2025 19:29

I can see why they are jealous on your hand that is one hell of a rock!! Congratulations

lilkitten · 15/04/2025 19:46

I'm a jeweller, we make bespoke as our main part of the business and we get clients designing their dream ring. There's definitely a bit of jealousy that some encounter. One lady had a gorgeous emerald ring, it was an amazing emerald and the ring was valued at over £20k, but people would tell her it looked fake. She enjoyed it and knew it was real, I think some people just let the jealousy take over.

ziggazigboom · 15/04/2025 20:26

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/04/2025 16:35

For goodness sake, her ring is not that big !

It may be expensive so I hope it's the clarity of the diamond and the colour, but it it not big !

Look at her finger, the ring does not even reach the first joint of the finger, it's just about half way from the bottom of her finger and the first joint.

If this is the Op's hand, she does not have large or fat fingers, the ring is in perfect proportion on her finger.

I suppose a side view of her finger may show the height of the ring...

It’s 5ct. It’s not Liz Taylor big, but it’s pretty flippin’ huge!

TwirlyGirly67 · 15/04/2025 20:45

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 20:32

5c

This is beautiful. I would ignore them and wear it every day. I never keep jewellery for best - life is short. I love jewellery and know Pragnells well, I always have to look in their window. People are jealous of your fabulous diamond so ignore them. Can you imagine if you commented how small their diamond was? That’s just as rude as what they are doing to you

Ladymeade · 15/04/2025 20:53

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

@mulberrybeige Absolutely stunning! Classic beauty and elegant too x

Flozle · 15/04/2025 20:58

Oh, that is stunning! Wear it and love it. Congratulations 🥂

user109876543 · 15/04/2025 20:58

I think this thread is pretty conclusive proof that almost no one bothers with 'see all' for an OP's posts.

On another note, @mulberrybeige, do your friends and family live in a Georgette Heyer novel? On the shelf? Single career cat lady in your 30s? I find this very surprising.

springbringshope · 15/04/2025 20:58

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:38

One of the above told me she had plenty of rings like my engagement ring at home (OK) but she would never want to have one as her engagement ring. Again OK. I agree RE new people and its taken an engagement and a wedding for the claws to really come out. Have no idea how to start though in my early 40’s!

You know VERY weird people. I have massive rocks and I’ve never had a single negative comment

Flozle · 15/04/2025 21:01

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/04/2025 16:35

For goodness sake, her ring is not that big !

It may be expensive so I hope it's the clarity of the diamond and the colour, but it it not big !

Look at her finger, the ring does not even reach the first joint of the finger, it's just about half way from the bottom of her finger and the first joint.

If this is the Op's hand, she does not have large or fat fingers, the ring is in perfect proportion on her finger.

I suppose a side view of her finger may show the height of the ring...

Are you the OP’s mother with those snippy comments?

FizFig · 15/04/2025 21:01

Congratulations!
My mum was also mean about my engagement ring, I was surprised at how much it threw me.
She then went on to be a pain over the years about our wedding, my work , our kids, holidays, yep everything. Clock their response as a warning from these idiots, unfortunately close to you at the moment but hopefully more distant in the future.

XWKD · 15/04/2025 21:05

I detest bling. That ring isn't bling.

Panterusblackish · 15/04/2025 21:06

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 20:32

5c

It's massive.

I absolutely love it.

Congratulations OP.

springbringshope · 15/04/2025 21:07

WinterIsNearlyHere · 14/04/2025 20:31

Do people actually believe this is real? 😏
There’s no way OP has a 150K ring. Unless she shows up a real life photo, I don’t believe it 🙈

Why so unaware that people do indeed have things that cost a lot. Is it that you think people with money aren’t on MN?

northernballer · 15/04/2025 21:14

Oh wow beautiful ring! I'm jealous (in a good way)

Congratulations!

Suchasonganddance · 15/04/2025 21:26

The reason you have a beautiful ring you should be proud to wear is because you did not get engaged at twenty. Don’t let the green eyed monsters who have something from the likes of Mr Ratner spoil your enjoyment of it. Other women can be the pits.

fiorenza · 15/04/2025 21:54

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

But that's clearly not the same ring as the one you have later posted yourself wearing.

Why is this so?

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 22:01

lilkitten · 15/04/2025 19:46

I'm a jeweller, we make bespoke as our main part of the business and we get clients designing their dream ring. There's definitely a bit of jealousy that some encounter. One lady had a gorgeous emerald ring, it was an amazing emerald and the ring was valued at over £20k, but people would tell her it looked fake. She enjoyed it and knew it was real, I think some people just let the jealousy take over.

Is there any way for a non professional to tell a real emerald from a fake.
I inherited a deco bracelet with green stones and I’d love to know if they are real.

I went to a local jewellers that does valuations with other pieces of jewellery and they lied about some of the stones I knew were genuine so I’m a little lest trusting these days

legsekeven · 15/04/2025 22:04

fiorenza · 15/04/2025 21:54

But that's clearly not the same ring as the one you have later posted yourself wearing.

Why is this so?

Show quote history

Been asked at least 12 times. You won’t get an answer

TeaAndTattoos · 15/04/2025 22:04

fiorenza · 15/04/2025 21:54

But that's clearly not the same ring as the one you have later posted yourself wearing.

Why is this so?

Show quote history

Is it just my eyes or does the website image have 6 claws holding the stone in place but the one on her finger looks like it only has 4 claws holding the stone in place. Still a stunning ring like.

lilkitten · 15/04/2025 22:06

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 22:01

Is there any way for a non professional to tell a real emerald from a fake.
I inherited a deco bracelet with green stones and I’d love to know if they are real.

I went to a local jewellers that does valuations with other pieces of jewellery and they lied about some of the stones I knew were genuine so I’m a little lest trusting these days

Show quote history

It is difficult, we use a lot of different tools to test things out. Emeralds are quite soft, so if it actually looks a little worn it could well be real (though glass tends to often uniformly wear away across the table facet at the top) and emeralds tend to be quite mossy/opaque, but that's not always the case, this client's emerald was quite clear. It might be best to get recommendations of other local jewellers that people have used