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Original poster

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/04/2025 15:27

Pandimoanymum · 14/04/2025 16:46

So they mocked you when you weren't engaged for being a single "cat" lady and "on the shelf" (which are sad dated stereotypes anyway) and now they're mocking you again.

And you say these people are friends?!
You very much need and deserve new ones.

It's this 100 per cent OP!!
Your Mum's nose is out of joint because you have a nicer ring than hers!
The other cat lady commentators are annoyed because they loved having someone to put down for being as they charmingly crafted it "on the shelf", they are also annoyed because they can't put you down that way, so now they want to knock the wind out of your sails by dissing your lovely ring and thereby new relationship.
You really don't need people like this in your life.

Response? I'd turn to them with a face of concern and empathy and say in a voice dripping with sympathy "I'm so sorry you feel that way." and then gaze admiringly at your lovely ring.

You are not alone in this phenomenon. I had two people make comments about my engagement ring (which was an lovely antique family ring that I thought was beautiful)

  1. "Don't you mind wearing the ring of a dead person?" ( MIL - no further explaination required I think. )
  2. "Hmp. Nothing special." The fiance of a friend. BTW I hadn't even called attention to it and never showed it unless people asked me but the Friend kept going on about how lovely it was and made me show it to him, although I could see in advance he wasn't going to say anything nice. He was a bit of a CF as well.

Both extremely rude, both had their own reasons for dissing my ring.
But as my DC would say in this case "Zero effs given."

Just cross em off your wedding list, except your Mum, but also tell your mum calmly and clearly how she's making you feel and ask her to stop!

EilishMcCandlish · 15/04/2025 15:30

This ring is actually more similar on style to the photo on OP's finger. To be clear, I am not saying it is this ring, but there is a gulf between the screen image she originally posted and what it actually looks like. Her photo is too blurred to really see anything other than a 4 claw, straight set solitaire stone. One thing it definitely is not though is the 150k one people are fawning over.

https://www.ernestjones.co.uk/sterling-silver-cubic-zirconia-round-cut-solitaire-ring/p/V-9191529

EilishMcCandlish · 15/04/2025 15:34

It didn't put the image. Here it is.

Engagement ring
Lastgig · 15/04/2025 15:35

My close friends husband cheated on her and bought her a £50k solitaire from Bond street (1999).we called it the jaguar. That's what she bought with it when she got divorced!
My BFF has a 12ct but her granny was a jeweller. She'd never sell it.

Hwi · 15/04/2025 16:08

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2025 17:22

None of them sound very nice and I suspect that they’re jealous.

Unless your ring looks like this…

And if the ring looks like this - what business of theirs is it?

Tessiebear2023 · 15/04/2025 16:10

Lastgig · 15/04/2025 15:35

My close friends husband cheated on her and bought her a £50k solitaire from Bond street (1999).we called it the jaguar. That's what she bought with it when she got divorced!
My BFF has a 12ct but her granny was a jeweller. She'd never sell it.

Your BFF has a 12ct diamond? I'm trying to even imagine what that'd look like. Have you tried it on?

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 15/04/2025 16:10

Sorry op, your friends sound really vile, mean and jealous. Tell them to shut up and get new friends.

Tessiebear2023 · 15/04/2025 16:24

Tontostitis · 15/04/2025 14:19

I had similar reactions when I met my now husband at 44 and married 2 years later. My mum and Dad didn't come 'as you're a bit old for that sort of thing' and my mum was shocked and devastated when she saw the photos. Apparently she didn't think it would be a real wedding. One of my no longer close friends said you're not wearing white are you. I think so many of my friends were.used to me being single they couldn't get on with it. Doesn't help that he's ex army, gorgeous fit, fairly rich and adores me. 18 years later those friends are a distant memory my parents have sincerely apologised and adore him and we are very, very happy.

TLDNR: fuck em they don't matter

I still cannot get over that people a capable of reacting like this. And for your own parents to not turn up to your wedding, I'm just.. astounded.

I glad it all turned out so well for you, I hope there are many happy years ahead.

Lastgig · 15/04/2025 16:24

Tessiebear2023 · 15/04/2025 16:10

Your BFF has a 12ct diamond? I'm trying to even imagine what that'd look like. Have you tried it on?

Show quote history

The whole of a thumbnail. She has lovely hands and loads of jewellery. It's her thing.

Merryoldgoat · 15/04/2025 16:32

Hwi · 15/04/2025 16:08

And if the ring looks like this - what business of theirs is it?

Show quote history

Ffs - you do know what a joke is right?

Rewis · 15/04/2025 16:33

Sounds like they are punch of jealous twats.
I don't like most rings. You know what I do? Look at the ring and say "that's lovely, congratulations" cause who gives a fuck what I think.

Tessiebear2023 · 15/04/2025 16:34

Lastgig · 15/04/2025 16:24

The whole of a thumbnail. She has lovely hands and loads of jewellery. It's her thing.

Show quote history

Fantastic. I love jewellery too, particularly big unusual rings, but I'm quite happy to stick to affordable things like amethyst and moonstone. I have a 5ct opal and diamond, and a fancy colour sapphire ring, but those only come out for dress up occasions. I'd love to pretend to be Elizabeth Taylor with a diamond the size of a grape for a day though.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/04/2025 16:35

For goodness sake, her ring is not that big !

It may be expensive so I hope it's the clarity of the diamond and the colour, but it it not big !

Look at her finger, the ring does not even reach the first joint of the finger, it's just about half way from the bottom of her finger and the first joint.

If this is the Op's hand, she does not have large or fat fingers, the ring is in perfect proportion on her finger.

I suppose a side view of her finger may show the height of the ring...

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 16:36

EilishMcCandlish · 15/04/2025 15:30

This ring is actually more similar on style to the photo on OP's finger. To be clear, I am not saying it is this ring, but there is a gulf between the screen image she originally posted and what it actually looks like. Her photo is too blurred to really see anything other than a 4 claw, straight set solitaire stone. One thing it definitely is not though is the 150k one people are fawning over.

https://www.ernestjones.co.uk/sterling-silver-cubic-zirconia-round-cut-solitaire-ring/p/V-9191529

That’s £35.00
That’s a huge difference!

isn’t it obvious to see the difference between a real diamond and a cubic zirconia though ?

housethatbuiltme · 15/04/2025 16:43

It does not sound jealous... you do though as you are so very preoccupied with what these others think (very keeping up with the Jones mentality to be bothered by what other 'might' think of your choices).

When people laugh I find its not normally from jealously but rather a reaction to people trying to hard.

People don't tend to notice or even care about others engagements (and there linked things like rings). Most could not tell you what the people they see every day at work etc... rings even look like. Its usually the bride to be that brings it up and people get bored and snippy quite quick when it dominates everything so maybe just don't bring it up. It can be very attention seeking, where as really your relationship is private and only actually important to you.

If you like your ring thats really all that matters, so care less about others opinions.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 15/04/2025 16:45

housethatbuiltme · 15/04/2025 16:43

It does not sound jealous... you do though as you are so very preoccupied with what these others think (very keeping up with the Jones mentality to be bothered by what other 'might' think of your choices).

When people laugh I find its not normally from jealously but rather a reaction to people trying to hard.

People don't tend to notice or even care about others engagements (and there linked things like rings). Most could not tell you what the people they see every day at work etc... rings even look like. Its usually the bride to be that brings it up and people get bored and snippy quite quick when it dominates everything so maybe just don't bring it up. It can be very attention seeking, where as really your relationship is private and only actually important to you.

If you like your ring thats really all that matters, so care less about others opinions.

I don't know why you're denying the strong possibility of jealousy...most brides have had that experience, and in fact, whenever anything good happens for anyone, there's often someone showing jealousy. It's a widespread human trait, and someone with a ring like that is a prime target for those prone to it.

EilishMcCandlish · 15/04/2025 17:01

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 16:36

That’s £35.00
That’s a huge difference!

isn’t it obvious to see the difference between a real diamond and a cubic zirconia though ?

Edited
Show quote history

Not in an out of focus photo, no, you definitely cannot tell the difference.

As I said, I am not saying that is OP's ring, but it is more likely that than the one she originally posted because it is at least the same style.

Mary28 · 15/04/2025 17:33

You need new friends OP. Your ring is not the issue here at all.

user109876543 · 15/04/2025 17:34

LittleBearPad · 15/04/2025 17:05

Yes, but that ring is a much smaller diamond than 5 carats. If you look at the Pragnell website, there are three 5 carat rings, and none of them are set with 4 blunt prongs - they use claw prongs on their larger stones as they're more secure.

Sorry - I know an embarrassing amount about jewellery 🤗

welshmuminesex · 15/04/2025 17:46

What a stunning ring! Very classy

Derbee · 15/04/2025 17:48

Should we have a photo of the actual ring with a newspaper of todays date? 😀

SayItWithCrystals · 15/04/2025 18:00

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 20:32

5c

Can’t add anything that’s already been said but had to say how utterly beautiful this is! Please enjoy this wonderful time and this exquisite ring. I got engaged at 44 and found myself in the end of a few snidey comments too. Sending love!

Santina · 15/04/2025 18:15

Jealousy is such an ugly trait, I have exactly the same ring and i absolutelylove it. Wear it with pride and maybe think twice about inviting those people to your wedding, they'll only pick it apart.

Soulstirring · 15/04/2025 18:16

Jealousy. It’s a terrible thing, especially from mothers to daughters.

It’s a beautiful ring and your husband to be wanted you to have it. Wear it with love and pride.
Ham it up and says it’s a token of his love, if your hands weren’t so slender he said he’d buy bigger.

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