Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

[RachCmomma]

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

I don't think there's the resources unfortunately xx

Hmm...

So even with the fact that Social Services said that there was no evidence that these false allegations were correct and that you have had a malicious report made against you so you know it can happen, you still think that OP still has a case to answer?

The report was prompted by OP throwing her brother and his family out of her home where they had lived rent free for over a year. It is crystal clear that the allegation was made out of sheer spite.

Thank you xxx

@RachCmomma you might be entitled to no win no fee help against the police, ask around. Or you can tell your MP. You can also complain to the Police ombudsman. You shouldn't leave this as they could do something again if they think they can get away with it. Doesn't matter if it's been a few months.

Sil sounds very dangerous. Db is scared and so is dm probably. Worried that sil will take dc to Oz. Or anything else she might do. Add to the mix narc dm and anything could happen.

I still think you should make a police report about your brother and SIL op… you are probably right nothing will happen but it’s more important you have something on file… so if it escalates you can say I did report their behaviour to the police here is the reference number… you need to think like a mother lion now

Thanks. I will speak to them.
My mum is also now saying she will go to a solicitor to get access to DS. So momma lion mode well and truly activated xxx *edited by MNHQ

Grandparents don't have any right to access their grandchildren.

I think you need to block her, plus any flying monkeys.

I know. I work with kids in care/ removed from abusive parents....

She is deranged.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Lots of therapy, being around people that support you and want the best for you is the most important thing right now.

YANBU.

Your mum cannot respect your wishes, so she no longer gets to see your child unsupervised.

I’d be tempted to cut them all off including your mum.

Your bil and sil clearly wanted you to lose your child to SS. Your mum is putting your child in “danger” I suppose being around these crazy people.

I don’t think I could forgive my mum

Really glad to see you’re now considering making this report to the police. Agree it’s important to have a record on file.
If your mum does try to get a court order for access to your child, at least you can put a restraining order in place against your SIL seeing him.

Remember @AngelicKaty says
”as you have evidence from Social Services confirming that the photo's were doctored and what they did could be covered by the Malicious Communications Act 1988, particularly since they did it "with the intention to cause distress or harm". The Act makes it a crime to send a communication that is indecent or grossly offensive, a threat, or conveys information that is false and known or believed to be false by the sender, where the purpose is to cause distress or anxiety.“
It may be worth quoting that to the police? And asking them to issue a caution/ warning

Not automatically but they can apply for a court order to have access which is often granted if it is in the child’s best interests. Also if the child has been seeing them regularly in the past and they are not deemed at risk.

If OP’s mum is seeing a solicitor it is worth covering all bases.

I would argue that as my mum has been abusive to me my whole life it's not in his best interests. So I think a court would weigh this up. Xx

Plain and simple you tell her clearly that if she continues to ignore your wishes she will not have a relationship with you or your child.

It’s not hard to understand and if she was that worried about losing you she would respect it.

Having social services called on you is no joke and is absolutely disgusting if it was with malicious intent and using fake evidence.

Do you have any evidence of her abuse op? Any police reports/SS involvement or similar? I think others are right that you should seek guidance from a legal professional and make a log of the harassment from your sil and bil. Your mum may (hopefully) just be making empty threats but it would be good to be prepared.

we would all hope that common sense would prevail…

However (just playing devils advocate here) a court/solicitor could argue that if your mum was abusive to you why were you allowing her to spend time unsupervised with your son before the situation blew up with SIL?

I’m glad you’ve got support elsewhere irl though and as you’ve got a good relationship with your stepmum, at least your child will not be missing out on a grandparent-type relationship.

it seems as though going NC with your mum is definitely long overdue.

There will be things on file from when I was a child definitely. I've also had extensive therapy. And will likely soon have a diagnosis due to my childhood/ her

Yea... I'd say that my dad had not long doed and I wasn't thinking properly/ I hoped she had changed.. but she's actually got worse and i can't so it any more xxx

@RachCmomma you are in therapy as an adult, learning that a large part of your personality is trauma response and guilt. By being brought up by your mother.

You can break the cycle, and keep your son away from her. She won’t be able to inflict the damage on him that he has already inflicted on you.

Make the most of your support network (friends, sisters, step mum) and stop contact with the toxic influences on your life, as they are already poisoning your son. Stop the poison.

Thank you. Yeah I have decided to go no contact. She's now saying she will take me to court but that's fine, she can crack on with that. She is toxix and she'll never change. Xxx

People who 'know' me on here know that I'm a big proponent of legal advice so here goes:

If your mum is threatening legal action you really need to speak to a solicitor. We 'non-legals' here can say "Oh, this wouldn't happen" or "Yes, this will happen" and you can say "She was abusive to me so the courts will never allow her access" but you do not know this for a fact. The only way to know what's what is to speak to a person who would know, and that's a solicitor.

Forewarned is forearmed. Don't wait until she's started legal proceedings. Get yourself educated NOW as to what her chances may be and what actions you need to take to prevent it. Don't be caught on the back foot.

Thanks. Yes I will get some legal advice. X

I'd need to hear the other side of the story

The false social services report is a red line. In fact more than a red line. I would not speak to them again, only showing up at their funeral to make sure they were really dead.

Your mum has picked her side, and by condoning that behaviour is an accessory after the fact.