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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

186 replies

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:19

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

OP posts:
Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:35

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:27

Maybe time to stop using your mum as free childcare when you're not there.

Yep.

OP posts:
TheShiningCarpet · 14/04/2025 16:35

its horrible isn't it - it makes you wonder what your mum accepted when you were a child in terms of other peoples behaviour and your safety if she doesn't see any issue here. You have every right to fight to keep your child away from toxic people, family or not. Well done for sticking to your guns. She won't change, they won't change.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/04/2025 16:37

Were there any consequences for your brother and SIL lying about you abusing your baby and creating doctored photographs? Surely they should have been arrested? If you haven't done so already, I would contact the police about what they did.

Keep your child away from your mum. Your whole family is toxic and unhinged and they represent a real danger to your baby.

Please go no contact with the whole toxic lot of them.

FatLarrysBanned · 14/04/2025 16:37

Absolutely disgraceful and could have had devastating consequences so YANBU, but what was the original falling out over that they went to such calculating ways to try and hurt you?

Did you get get smashed at their wedding and declare that SIL has had more pricks than a drawing board?

Suggest that their kids look suspiciously like the milkman?

Not send an immediate "DM me hun" message when she checked in at local A & E on FB?

🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:38

MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 16:33

Are you making alternative childcare arrangements?

I went off sick a while ago as I was struggling to cope with being dependent on my mum. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with C PTSD... I'm studying online, so I will look after my boy myself. No amount of money is worth this xx

OP posts:
OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:41

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

No social services just said that what they had done was malicious and they wouldn't be coming out to see me cause they had had the images looked at individually and they could see what they had done. They said tho that the volume of images they had sent through were alarming. They were living with me at the time so they had been secretly taking photos of any mark on my newly walking baby to use as blackmail when I eventually kicked them out of my house, where they lived rent free for almost a year.

OP posts:
SamphiretheTervosaur · 14/04/2025 16:42

Did you ask police, social services what you could do about the doctored picture and lies?

I can't imagine how bad iyvwould have been had yourbex not been reasonable about being contacted like that!

singlewhitetrashheap · 14/04/2025 16:42

I think I'd be going no contact with her to be quite honest.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2025 16:44

Spirallingdownwards · 14/04/2025 16:23

That is a hell no from me. Stand your ground. What does your mother say about them making the false and malicious claim?

This.

You can never have your child near someone who doctored photos. If I were in that position, they'd be dead to me.

SpainToday · 14/04/2025 16:44

Sending doctored photos of your child to SS is unhinged. She must have been knowingly, deliberately dishonest.

Absolutely - you don't do this by mistake

springbringshope · 14/04/2025 16:45

Surely you have evidence of harassment with the doctored images

MistyMoistyMorningCloud · 14/04/2025 16:46

Stop letting your mum having him without you there.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:46

FatLarrysBanned · 14/04/2025 16:37

Absolutely disgraceful and could have had devastating consequences so YANBU, but what was the original falling out over that they went to such calculating ways to try and hurt you?

Did you get get smashed at their wedding and declare that SIL has had more pricks than a drawing board?

Suggest that their kids look suspiciously like the milkman?

Not send an immediate "DM me hun" message when she checked in at local A & E on FB?

🤷🏻‍♀️

I kicked them out or my house after they lived with me rent free for a year and utterly took the piss

OP posts:
Crazyladee · 14/04/2025 16:47

Absolutely YANBU. I would distance myself from all of them and not trust them at all. I'd be worried about what they had up their sleeves for their next ploy to have your child taken off you. I'd also, if you haven't already done so, document their disgusting behaviour to the Police. Maybe look into taking out some kind of a restraining order against them so legally they can't be around your child? Sounds a bit dramatic, but can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't have that video of your child falling over?

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:48

Spirallingdownwards · 14/04/2025 16:23

That is a hell no from me. Stand your ground. What does your mother say about them making the false and malicious claim?

She says nothing cause she knows they wouldn't let her see their child if she sided with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:49

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

I didn't see the photo ss said they had had them looked at and they had been doctored.

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 14/04/2025 16:49

You're better off going NC from them all. Terrible people.

MarkWithaC · 14/04/2025 16:50

I'd be reporting the SIL and brother to social services. It sounds like they need serious psychiatric help.
Bollocks to your mum if she can't respect your wishes.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:51

Crazyladee · 14/04/2025 16:47

Absolutely YANBU. I would distance myself from all of them and not trust them at all. I'd be worried about what they had up their sleeves for their next ploy to have your child taken off you. I'd also, if you haven't already done so, document their disgusting behaviour to the Police. Maybe look into taking out some kind of a restraining order against them so legally they can't be around your child? Sounds a bit dramatic, but can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't have that video of your child falling over?

Yea I can imagine. That's why I'm so angry. And I won't let her any where near my son again.

OP posts:
socks1107 · 14/04/2025 16:51

You’re absolutely right. I’d consider distancing myself from them all tbh

bigboykitty · 14/04/2025 16:54

It's time for low or no contact with your mum. No unsupervised contact with your mum, if you do decide to be in touch. These family members are toxic and nothing good can come from your little one having a relationship with them. I think you know this though - you just need some back up.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 14/04/2025 16:56

Youre making the right decision.

I don't want to sound condescending but given you're family's behaviour, i suspect you may behave been exposed to many things like this in the past, so I just want to really and completely underline how absolutely fucking batshit crazy, abnormal and truly malicious and harmful their behaviour is, to the extent that I think exposing your son to them at all is, at best, not in his best interests, and at worst could be catastrophic.

TimeForABreak4 · 14/04/2025 16:59

If my daughter in law had done that to my daughter with a false, malicious social services report I think I'd struggle to have anything to do with her. Your mums being hugely unreasonable.

Watermill · 14/04/2025 17:01

YANBU

Your mother can’t be trusted, and she doesn’t have your, or your DC best interests at heart.

I would probably cut her off completely.