Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

[RachCmomma]

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

Also, surely it's illegal? Defamation, no? The police should be looking into them because it is not normal at all.

Stand your ground. Your mother sounds as horrible as the others.

I don't think the police care xx

I don't know if the police will "act" but its a process isn't it, like with harassment of any kind, you build up a report history of it happening as evidence for use / protection further down the line if and when the harassing behaviors escalate.

No good deed goes unpunished, eh...

Your mum has something seriously qrong wirh her if she expects you to just shrug about what SIL did.

I would actually not trust SIL around your child at all. She has no moral compass.

You are completely justified in cooling things with your mum.

I'd keep away from all of them. Your brother and SIL sound vile. Your mother clearly will not respect your requests to keep them away from your child . You have done nothing wrong here. Your child will be better off without them . Done feel guilty about anything!!! Your mother should respect your requests and this would not escalate

You are not being unreasonable OP. Your post resonates with me as I have a challenging sibling. I would be adamant about this.

What was the original falling out over? It seems like an absolutely mental thing to do because of a falling out, has she done other things like this? You should absolutely keep your child away from them and try not to feel bad about it

I want to second the advice to report them to the police.

I think it might qualify as harassment.

Even if they don't do anything, the incident will be on record and you'll have a crime number and can refer to the incident if they ever try to pull a similar stunt again. It's much easier to get a police report than a SS case to refer to down the road. A police report is the first step on the path to a restraining order too, should you ever need one.

Your child will go to nursery and then to school and they could easily call a nursery or a school to report negligence, abuse, accuse you of prostitution in the home, drug taking, drink driving with DS, etc.

YANBU, but you need to stop using your mum for childcare.

Thank you xx

Yea I have tried... I already gave up work before Xmas as she couldn't respect my boundaries or treat me with any compassion. But she keeps begging to have him so I say yes.

Yea. Ss have it on record, mark as unfounded and malicious. But police not bothered x

I'd keep them well away for ever. I'd not let your mother have any photos of your child that she could then send them either.

Frankly, going to the lengths of doctoring photos to send to SS, and it not working, would make me worried they might escalate and actually bruise or mark your child themselves just to take a photo.

It's absolutely unhinged. And your mother's comment 'I know what you all are' - well you bloody know what she is don't you! A selfish, spiteful, manipulative woman, with no moral compass at all, that you're better off without.

When your ex is a better person than your own mother, brother and SIL; you need to find new family. I am a big fan of the theory, family is people that love, support and are (mostly) enjoyable to be around. If a birth family doesn't fit the bill, make your own from friends near and far.

You and your child deserve better.

I kicked then out of my house where they lived rent free for almost a Yr. Screaming and shouting at me for me asking the to clean up after themselves

Have you reported it to the police yourself?

Wasting police time is a crime…..

Thank you!! It was this comment that pushed me over the edge
Xxx

There’s always one 🥱

No, it was almost 7 months ago now too

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your entire family sounds quite toxic and disrespectful of boundaries in general. I'd be doing the same as you tbh.

Absoloutley YANBU. SIL sounds unhinged. I would be worried about the safeguarding of my child around her if I were you.
You have done the right thing. Don’t allow any unsupervised contact with your mum as you cannot trust that she won’t take your dc to meet up with SIL in secret. I would cut contact with the lot of them.

Couldn’t you get a restraining order against your brother and sister in law ? So this would be a civil matter - you’d have to pay a solicitor - but then the onus would be on them to not be within x metres of you / your son If they break that , then police would get involved .

The way it is at the moment your Mum has to police you both. She is making really poor choices I know - but it would be difficult to choose a side between your children.

Thing is I'm not asking her to chose a side...just stop arranging days out with them so that I have to say no my child won't be attending.