Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

[RachCmomma]

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

But you must say no. I wouldn't trust any of them to keep your child safe.

why are you even having your mum as childare if she cannot respect your decision?

i would not want your brother and SIL around your child either - or your mother!!

new childcare needed!!

It's not so much that I'm using her for childcare, like I said I've stopped working so I can be with my son full time. But she still wants to see him. I've said no unsupervised contact from today. It's hard because she has made me feel like it's me with the problem my entire life. My family (her sisters) will probably stick up for her too and be mad at me but it is what it is. The response has been overwhelming and I'm grateful to have been heard and validated. Xxx

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

This. If your mum doesn't follow your wishes then don't let her see him either.

You are very right here! Stand your ground! Yanbu

No my mum doesn't have concerns, she is aware that SIL is a nightmare, my mum also had to kick the out when they lived with her and that's how I got lumbered with them- when our dad had just died and I'd just had a baby.
They never used to speak to my mum at all after she kicked them out and since I kicked them out my mum has started trying to help them get on their feet as they also have a baby and she just wants it all swept under the rug.

Let me be very clear, social services are satisfied it was a malicious report and the photos were doctored. My health visitor, child minder, baby's father have absolutely zero concerns and my boy is a happy thriving healthy confident 2 year old now.

My brother wouldn't go against her as she will just take their baby back to Australia and that would be that. It's a really complex situation and as usual I've been given the shitty end of the stick.

Ar least read the OP's updates, then you'll know why brother is backing up sil. And that the mother is a manipulative narcissist.

Thank you xx

I don't need her for childcare.... she wants to see my son. I'd rather he didn't go to her.. so I'm stopping it xx

@NotbloodyGivingupYetYes but if my suggestion was the case, then that is how OP would perceive them or portray them, at least.

Essentially what you're saying is there's no smoke without fire... which I understand... however that's the whole point of my post- ss have said they were doctored and it's a malicious claim. I'm upset that my mum wants to brush it under the carpet and go on family days out with sil and the kids....

What you're saying is that I am abusive and that's why they all want to hang out together...

You're entitled to your option but that's not the case.

Your suggestion isn't the case though, the OP is the victim of malacious allegations of abuse, which have been proven to be false and malacious.

Your point seems to be that if someone was abusing her child that she would say she wasn't. But that has nothing at all to do with the OPs post. She's been falsely accused, your take ' yeah but no but maybe she did abuse her kid' really isn't adding anything at all.

So what if she's making you out to be the villain!? Let her. Your child, your rules. If she can't respect your rules, she doesn't see your child. Simple.

You say you feel 'awful' but what would make you feel more awful: stopping her from seeing your child? Or letting her and, in turn, your other ILs see your child and possibly having more allegations being made to SS?

I know which I'd rather...

Yea I hear you. U feel awful because now I've had to block my mum as she won't stop messaging calling me a bitch and how could I do this to her etc.... my kid will notice his nan isn't around... for a little while at least... and it just feels crap that I'm in this situation because my family members can't act like normal decent people. And also when you've been raised in this environment you're kinda hard wired to feel guilty all the time.

No way would these people be in my life or my child's life any more op.

That's utterly awful behaviour on all parts and your first priority is keeping your child safe and their life stable.

I'm sorry you don't have the family we all deserve to have hopefully you can create it out of good friends.

You are not being unreasonable. By the way your sister in law sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this OP 😔 💗

I get it... but it's time to cut the wire.
You have one life, please don't spend it trying to please other people; especially those who clearly DGAF about you.
Be strong. You've got this!

Thanks. I'm going to go no contact. It's been a long time coming xx

hreat you are seeing a therapist and know what’s going on here. Your mum is treating you terribly but it is she who is being a bitch to you, please remember that.
is there anyway you can move away from the area? Appreciate that’s not ideal. Keep on being strong- you are doing the right thing.
Remember you are not stopping DM from seeing DS you are keeping him safe and there’s nothing there for her to argue with

@RachCmomma

You are 100% right to go NC with the whole lot of them. They add nothing positive to your life, nor to your child's life. Any 'positives' you may think your mum may provide to your child are outweighed 1000 times by the negativity she will bring.

If you don't have a Ring doorbell, I suggest you get one pronto. And if any member of your family has a key to your home, get the locks or lock barrels changed.

And I don't know if anyone's mentioned 'flying monkeys' to you, but these are the friends and relatives your mum will send to try and guilt or shame you. Ignore them, block them, whatever you need to do.

Thank you
I don't want to move away. I have good friends, sisters and a step mum who loves us both. So luckily I do have a good support system. Xxx

I've never heard the term flying monkeys but yeah I'm expecting to hear off some family members who she will have called and got them rilled up xx

I think they should get into trouble for this. Surely it's an offence to make false malicious reports.