Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

@Weddingbrunchcrasher Although most guests, might have understood it, I can see why you might, have been confused about 'breakfast' time the day after the wedding.

But as soon as you realised that the 'Brunch' was in a separate room to the public, and only your name was down ( along with that of your partner I assume?), it should have alerted you, at the very least, that your son was not invited even to the Brunch?

I think going to get plates when you realised that it was a private event, even although you knew your son wasn't invited (and no blood relation to your SIL) was very cheeky. Even if it had spilled onto the lawn.

A bit unkind, maybe, of your SIL to tell your son to leave and embarrass him, but I can understand why she was angry - and your son wouldn't have been embarrassed in that way, if you had just used your head a bit and thought things through

All a bit disingenuous OP, you knew he wasn’t invited, confirmed very clearly by the fact his name wasn’t on the list for the wedding party brunch, but instead of saying “ Hey, who wants their stinky breakfast, let’s go to a cafe/ MacDonalds/the hotel restaurant instead “ you lurked about trying to mingle with the wedding party and look inconspicuous then sneaked in to try to snaffle two breakfasts.

You should be crying, with the shame that you put your child into such an embarrassing situation to get a free breakfast, and that you went to such lengths to make a point about a decision that you didn’t agree with. If you felt this strongly you should have declined the whole invitation in the first place, not tried to pull a fast one on the wedding organisers. The entire family will be laughing at you, don’t be surprised if they all hum the pink panther theme at you for your sad little ninja moves.

The only person who embarrassed the OP was herself.

There is no way on earth I would treat my sibling’s partner’s children like this.

This, and the fact you had to be told twice that he couldn’t come, says to me that you knew exactly what you were doing and that you brought your son to the brunch as a sort of ‘fuck you’ to the bride. Was it really worth upsetting your son and potentially causing animosity with DP’s family?

If you only had one car, you could have taken your son for breakfast elsewhere, and arranged to collect your partner afterwards once brunch had finished.

If you only have one car then partner should have left before brunch or you collect him after brunch. Bringing child to brunch when told he wasn't invited is very unreasonable.

As you asked about evening too it seems like you were determined he was coming to something.

When the venue didnt let you in you should have figured it out and went to get food for you and your child elsewhere.

Why did you end up crying? Surely you would have hurried out as soon as bride told you the error. You must have attempted to discuss it. "Oh sorry, I didnt realise" as you are walking away.

I’m actually finding this difficult to believe .. first that you would ask repeatedly for your son to be invited.. then show up with him despite them saying no numerous times.. Like you put them in a position where they had to say no again and again and you put your son in a position where he was an uninvited guest .. you completely lack self awareness. I’d say your partner is completely mortified. I would be offering a heart felt apology to your in laws personally

"Can I bring my son" No

Do it anyway, how rude are you why didn't you just take him home ?

This isn't real surely

Still making excuses.

None of which matter. You were soooo rude!

I was agreeing with you!!!

Private breakfasts in the private dining room paid for by the bride and groom.

The OP was welcome to sit with her son in the public restaurant and have breakfast. She didn’t. She tried to get into the private dining room with her son but was denied entry. She waited until guests had started to mingle in the gardens and then went in again and took plates before again being told to go to the public area with her son.

It doesn’t matter that it was a morning event, it was still a private catered event with a guest list and she went in TWICE, after she was told no the first time.

I am embarrassed for you. Are you usually this cheeky and self absorbed? If I was your partner, I would seriously be looking at the relationship and it’s future.

The brunch was the next day after the wedding and the bride/groom paid for it?

You crashed it with a child who you already knew wasn’t invited. It’s beyond rude.

This. How embarrassing of you. What on earth were you thinking?

Doesn’t matter what you would have done. They did it differently. You were wrong.

I was thinking the same. Would love to see the WhatsApp group today

Well it seems you've got the message now! For future reference, all the events related to a wedding are part of that wedding, especially if you're not paying for them! It's a bit much that it didn't even occur to you re the brunch: you were literally a paid for +1.

Anyway, I think you should apologise in person when the dust has settled. Just say you got it wrong, you made incorrect assumptions and you're sorry they had to think about all this at all at their wedding.

(Also, your son isn't related to the bride and groom, which is almost certainly why he and the BIL's children weren't invited - and that's 100% the bride and groom's privilege to draw the line at. Related children only is very reasonable imo)

You should have just taken your son somewhere for breakfast just the two of you and left your boyfriend to attend the wedding guest brunch with his family. Your son was explicitly not invited. If you couldn't attend without him due to childcare issues, then you shouldn't have attended at all.

Obviously you can't change it now but you owe your boyfriend's sister a massive apology (and no excuses given) if you want to try and salvage the relationship.

What was it about an uninvited guest being politely asked to leave, that shocked you to the point of tears?

I get the part where you didn't realise that the brunch was for wedding guests only, it's an easy mistake to make. But going in once you were told your son's name was not on the list and then both of you making a scene by crying over breakfast is not on.

How on earth could you be so entitled? You were absolutely ridiculous. It was not your wedding. You didn’t get to make the rules so you broke them and then stropped because the bride had the nerve to call you out. Appalling behaviour from you - you were not the main character but you made it all about you. You made it difficult and embarrassing for both the bride and your son and you should apologise to both.

Yes, you were being unreasonable.

you were told that the wedding was child-free and that there were no additional invites for different wedding related festivities (aka evening party). So why would there be for the brunch?

your son was refused entrance. And it still did not „click“ that he wasn’t invited? Any reasonable person surely would have went to have a lovely breakfast with their DS in a public area, wouldn’t they? But I do feel sorry for your son!! Poor child.

The brunch would have been paid for per person, so the b and g could have got in trouble that you and your dc turned up

I would have thought the same as you, especially as there were other children there by that point.

I'm interested in how you justified to yourself that it was ok to sneak in for free toast after you'd been explicitly told that his name wasn't on the list so he wasn't invited. What on earth went through your mind at that point?