Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

But it sounds like the bride and groom were paying for their guests breakfast the next day. In which case of course they can!

Yes ywbu. He wasn’t invited to the weddings the brunch was still part of the wedding. Did you pay for his breakfast or did you just grab plates and take food for him? If so that was very rude, you should have just eaten in the main breakfast area if you wanted to get food for him. And how embarrassing for crying about it.

You brought an uninvited guest to a private catered brunch which somebody else was paying for and so will have planned food for accordingly. If other attendees all decided to show up with an uninvited guest and let them at the buffet, there either wouldn’t be enough food, or the couple paying would have to foot the additional cost. Of course it was rude of you, the “childfree” element is almost a red herring here.

They can dictate who has breakfast/brunch in a room at the hotel which has been specifically reserved for wedding guests. There was a list of names of who should be admitted. It wasn't open to other hotel guests, members of the public or the OP's son.

This is the next day, after the wedding, in the wedding venue?

The brunch was in a private room, with a list of attendees.

There was a separate public breakfast area for general hotel guests, and that is where you and your son ended up having to go for breakfast.

Is that correct?

If so, then YABU sorry.

YABU. Your son wasn't invited to any part of the wedding. The bride and groom had probably paid for the brunch per head, you can't just turn up with someone extra.

If you had to leave early to collect your son and therefore miss then that's just part and parcel of parenting, sometimes childcare doesn't align. Your partner could have explained your absence to the bride and groom and then got a lift or a taxi home. There was absolutely no need for you to passive aggressively turn up with your son and cause a scene by crying. You also upset your son by putting him in that situation.

Doesn't matter if your partner was on your side.

Sounds like your partner is saying what you want to hear.

You were wrong, just own it.

This! The OP is a such a CF .....

I think you OP was not that clear that the part you’ve taken him to was the breakfast the following day. I think your DP should have gave his sister the heads up that you were having to pick son up and I can see why she would be a little bit annoyed when you rocked up with your son, however I also think it’s really mean for her to kick you out when it’s just the breakfast and everyone will be going home after anyway.

Your partner must have been mortified. How embarrassing.

I think you handled this badly OP. It sounds as if you were told very clearly that he wasn't invited and surely after his name not being on the list you could have taken him somewhere else for food. There was no need for that scene to happen.

It's also horrible to put your child in that situation.

His upset was entirely on you and you need to apologise to him as well.

I think you were unreasonable. But not horrendously so given that this was just breakfast the day after. I wouldn’t have done it, but if I was another guest watching the bride kick a child out of the public area (I’m assuming the lawn was public) I’d have thought she was being a cow who needs to lighten up.

To be clear, I wouldn’t think that about a couple kicking a child out of the actual wedding or reception. Just this breakfast thing.

No but they can dictate who comes into the brunch in the private area / room, which is what OP tried to ignore, and then caused a scene and upset her son because she didn’t get what she wanted.

If you had to leave early to collect your son and therefore miss then that's just part and parcel of parenting, sometimes childcare doesn't align. Your partner could have explained your absence to the bride and groom and then got a lift or a taxi home. There was absolutely no need for you to passive aggressively turn up with your son and cause a scene by crying. You also upset your son by putting him in that situation.

The OP's childcare issues are not the bride's problem!!!

I doubt he is on your side, I don’t see how anyone could be, what would he say? You messed up big time, don’t expect him to start a family argument over it.

He shouldn’t be in on your side. You were told no 3 times and took that as yes.

Well done them for telling you to leave. The brunch the following morning was part of their wedding, they planned it and invited were sent accordingly. You tried to get in, were refused, waited until the party moved on from the private dining room and then went in anyway and got plates. What were you thinking? He wasn’t invited to the ceremony, the wedding meal or the evening party nor was he invited to the brunch the next morning.

If you really needed to return to the hotel after collecting your son then you should have stayed in the public breakfast area and just paid for breakfast or you and your partner should have taken separate cars so you wouldn’t need to come back to you both should have just left and skipped the brunch.

It’s doesn’t matter if other children were invited your son wasn’t and this was told to you more than once yet you choose to ignore it and took him to a part of their wedding. I would have been furious and would be going very low contact with you seeming as you showed so little respect for someone’s special day.

You then sat and cried and upset your son…seriously give your head a wobble and realise what a huge mistake you have made here.

You shouldn’t have brought him, it was clear he wasn’t invited. Going forward it seems clear that the family dynamic doesn’t welcome step children, just blood. That’s not going to change so I’d advise not to have children with this man, it wouldn’t be fair on the child you already have.

Yes, he shouldn't have attended, but goodness me, to react like that over a young child attending a brunch is ridiculous!

I've never heard of a catered post-wedding breakfast. Surely the bride and groom/bride are off on their honeymoon by then?

Did you know it was a catered brunch? I suppose you did, because otherwise you'd have asked the hotel manager if you could bring an extra person to breakfast, and you don't seem to have done that? In which case, YABU.

Post-wedding brunch sounds a bit wanky though.

Wait, so the staff wouldn't let you in, so you waited for people to spill out and snuck in?

I personally think its unkind not to invite step children, particularly when they live with your sibling, but I also accept that your son has lived 7 years without your partner and only one year with, and his sister might not see him as family.

I cannot fathom how you put your son in this position.

Then he should have left with OP and gone home once they picked her son up. He knew she was going to get her son, he obviously was in agreement with it

Your title begins "Crashed" so you know you were trying to get an uninvited person into the brunch. Whether that person was one 8 year old or an entire rugby team only affects how unreasonable you were. Not the fact that you were unreasonable.