Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

YABVU. I can’t believe someone would actively do this. Who does a person think they are to go against the direct wishes of the bride and groom? You knew ‘the rules’ and you thought fck it we’re more important. 🤷‍♀️

The problem it would most likely have caused is that the brides other brother had 3 step children who were also not invited, so for that brother to see another brothers step child there would have undoubtedly caused issues.

They were not kind to not invite your son. But holy moly OP what you did was not cool either! This was a conversation to have once the wedding was done and dusted and the dust had all settled if you were still upset.

You have really embarrassed your son I imagine and he’ll likely be way more acutely aware now that he wasn’t invited/welcome than he ever would have been if you’d just gone somewhere else.

Other children, related or close to the bride and groom, whom they had met more than once and those kids actually had invitations.

Poorly written, but I think what you are saying is that you arrange a sleepover for your son on the day of the wedding. The next morning you collected him from his friend’s house d as he went back to the hotel for brunch. It’s not clear whether you paid for your room, with brunch included, or whether brunch was paid for by the bride and groom. If the former, and if they hotel don’t mind you a baffling an extra breakfast (which I suspect they do mind) then that’s fine. If the brunch is paid for by the bride and groom then you clearly needed their permission. The separate area suggests the hotel was open to other guests, including the garden, but the food was in an area for named guests only. You should not have tried to sneak a tea good on that basis.

Your reply shows you still don't understand what you have done.

She would still have had to cater for a certain number of people. Imagine if everyone just decided to rock up with an extra person?

You should have contacted your partner and waited in the car. Not trying to gatecrash the event

Exactly what I was about to write.

Ah OP. You seriously fumbled this one 😢.
They said no 3 times. That should've been enough to squash all and any assumptions.

While you shouldn't have taken your dc I think it was very unpleasant to ask you to leave. She should've shrugged it off and taken it up with you at a later date. Unedifying for all concerned really.

I'm not a fan of child free weddings, but they made it clear that your DS was not welcome

If I were your partner, I'd be really cross with you for trying to sneak him in anyway

And I don't believe for one moment that you didn't realise you were out of order. I think you just assumed you'd get away with it

One of the most entitled threads I’ve seen on MN. You asked. Were told no. And did it anyway. Yeah, you owe them an apology. Terrible behaviour.

so you’ve only been with your partner a year and it isn’t even his son? Barely even his stepson really! Has you partner’s sister even met him before?!

your entitlement is off the chain here, you “were starving so went to get plates”?!

I’m amazed your partner is on your side, your behaviour was an embarrassment.

None of the siblings 'step children' were invited. Think there were 4 altogether

Oh OP I don´t think your partner is on your side, he is just making the right noises. You weren´t in the right and should´ve gone to the public breakfast room. That said, I, as a bride wouldn´t have cared enough to chuck a kid out of my next day wedding breakfast. The fact that she did should make you think about the dynamics in this family in relation to non-blood relatives and whether this is what you want for your kid, or you are very good at managing his expectations. A plus 1, doesn´t get a plus 1.

Did you pay for your son’s food ? Unless you did he obviously can’t eat the food. Wedding venues charge per head and one extra person eating but not paid for is being a cf. Cost cutting couples would do this regularly and cheat venues out of money if they could.

The bride made it clear that your son wasn’t invited to any part of the day. The fact that other kids ere invited is neither here nor there.

Your partner is taking your side because he doesn’t want to argue over his sister’s decision not to invite your son. If you’ve been with your partner a year then it’s not surprising that budget or fire regulations stating maximum guests might not stretch to your son. You should have taken your son to brunch elsewhere away from the hotel then collected your partner or asked him to nick a few sandwiches on his way out.

OMG, they told you twice they didn’t want your son there and you still put the poor child in a position where he was rejected to his face?

How could you do that to him? It’s your responsibility to protect him.

If you couldn’t get childcare, why did you even go?

If DS being invited meant so much I wouldn’t have gone.

This is weird. Why on earth would you ever think it was ok?!

Reverse or just a bit thick?

But actually the OP says she essentially sort of gently tells us to leave

bexause one assumes the hotel had (like hotels do for breakfast) a list of people for whom they are catering for and those who aren’t. And someone who wasn’t on the list could mean they ended up paying more

@Weddingbrunchcrasher the bride had paid you were in effect taking someone unpaid in to get food - would you walk into any catered event and take food that someone else had paid for presumably by head? No of course not so why did you here?

I think in the real world your sister in law needs a sense of humour and to pull her head out of her backside 😄 I’d laugh at this sort of thing but clearly they’re very prim and proper, maybe find a new not so stuck up family to spend your time with………. And tell him to make his own way home next time seen as you’re only invited by default……..

I think the op gets it now! Very unreasonable behaviour but not malicious. You need to send a nice apology to your “sister in law”. Just apologise for your thoughtlessness and draw a line under it

This is actually one of the cheekiest things I’ve ever read here. I’m glad she didn’t just meekly accept it, good on her for standing her ground! The fact you both stood there crying making a scene too…mortifying. YABVVVU.

How is anyone so hard of understanding to not see that they were totally out of order 😁

Wow! I think you need to apologise big time OP or your partner's family are going to not see you in a favourable light going forward.

You have only been with your partner one year. The bride and groom do not know your child and possibly haven't met him or only a handful of times. When the wedding was planned you would have been a very new girlfriend or not even around. I'm surprised you were invited to be honest, I've seen partners of a year not being invited to weddings.

The children attending were family known from the day they were born so totally different to the brother's latest girlfriend having a child they don't really know.

How embarrassing for your son. Poor boy not only being refused entry but having to witness his mother having a meltdown over it.

the fact that it was your son doesn't really matter
the brunch was catered for a certain number of guests - not a certain number of guests and whomever else they decided to invite
you brought your son, but someone else could have invited their new boyfriend, or told their mate to come in and meet them, or asked their grandma along 'because she loves weddings,' or said to their dad who was picking them up 'Ah, come in and say hi to [bride], she'd love to see you, and there's loads of food going spare...'
all of a sudden there's twice the invitees and not enough for the people who are actually supposed to be there. Besides the fact that most people want to be surrounded by people they know and like at their wedding celebrations, not randoms they barely know!

The specific details of the occasion being a wedding, the meal a brunch, the extra person your son, the organiser your partner's sister....don't matter. It is very rude if you are a guest to ANY EVENT to invite an additional person without asking the organiser. Unless they specify 'the more the merrier' or 'bring a friend', only the organiser can invite people.