Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

No the day is not all about the bride and groom

Eh, of course the day is all about the bride and groom, who else would it be about?
It definitely isn't about someone else's children.

Anyway, the OP is bonkers to have ignored three separate occasions of being told no.

I mean, to quote Flemming, "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.”

Or she could have asked where he was staying if she could pick him up later, and both her and her partner could have gone on from the wedding brunch after it finished.

She refused the child food. That was her motivation. To ensure he didn’t eat anything. She wasn’t just saying, go and play. Making him leave was a conscious and deliberate act, so she was clearly affected in some way by his presence. She really really needed to ensure the 8y old didn’t get a sausage!

That makes no sense as the amount of food would remain the same in a buffet setting. Are you sure they didn’t say you “pay per head” which is true however that is just to define the actual amount of food paid for, not the amount of ppl who eat it?

OP you clearly accept this was wrong to do and understand why. But you keep trying to defend the mistake by saying ' I didn't think' OK so you didn't but now you know it was wrong and accept it you should acknowledge/ accept the same and actually apologise to the bride for creating that scene even if in your mind ' you didn't think' it would be one. Own it biw and apologise to set it straight stop trying to defend it in roundabout ways

yes. Even though her dad and i have been divorced for 8 years, and she's an adult with her own job/partner/house.

My parents and brother still make time for her, as do i.

Infact, for the thread, she doesn't speak to her dad any more, they fell out 2 years ago and she cut him off, but she still comes to see me and her half siblings when she can.

She was my daughter and family for 20 years while i was with her dad, i'm not about to cut her off after that long, and nor are my parents.

100% this. Their wedding, their day, their rules.
But to hell with that. Just do as you please and start crying when told no, again!

Do you teach your children to go to events uninvited and help themselves to food and expect someone else to pay?

Our wedding was also about the guests. Their comfort and needs were paramount! We were so grateful they had come to celebrate us. We wanted to ensure their needs were met and that they felt welcome.

An all day wedding and brunch the next day doesn't scream "tight budget" to me. Wouldn't have cost any more anyway.

Because unless they’ve announced to me that they don’t believe in marriage, but absolutely see this as a long-term relationship and their partner's child as family, l won’t know, will I? Whereas with marriage they’ve very publicly stated this.

It’s not about me or anyone else thinking a relationship is “lesser” if it doesn’t lead to marriage. But it’s a simple fact of life that marriage is a recognisable, public commitment, and that as such people will see your relationship as serious if you are married.

What a daft comment.

It literally would have cost more. It’s charged per guest.

You mean like all the fuming, stewing and raging on this thread because OP's son wasn't invited? Why wouldn't the others act similar, especially if the saw someone else's child rock up when they followed the bride and grooms request?

Because…?

The amount of people on this thread that would ride rough shod over other people’s boundaries is astounding.

Makes me realise why there are so many CF threads and threads about going NC with narcissists.

It wasn't about the child.

It was about the entitled CF girlfriend of the brother of the bride trying multiple times to crowbar her 8yo into someone else's wedding. And, after trying to take him to the private, paid for and catered brunch the following day and being told no, tried to get him in via the back door.

I imagine the bride was (perfectly reasonably) fed up to the back teeth of her brother's girlfriend's behaviour. So seeing OP try to get this child into the private party - hell, yes, I'd challenge the OP after asking the 8 year old to head outside (nicely, according to the OP).

OP you know your child wasn’t invited and that should have been the end of that.

The amount of people and who were on the guest list and whether they are adult or child is irrelevant. The choice of guest list and all that follows are the decision of the bride and groom. I’m sure there were people that they would have loved to invite and have celebrate with them but couldn’t due to numbers as there always are with weddings. People’s opinions on child free weddings are irrelevant. The wedding breakfast is still part of the wedding and your opinion on how casual it should be or the importance of it in your view is irrelevant. If it’s not your wedding then your opinion doesn’t matter. All you have to do is follow the appropriate etiquette. You’re not the bride, you’re not paying for it and you brought someone along who wasn’t invited or paid for.

The embarrassment and all the upset that followed is entirely of your own making. I cannot believe you still have the cheek to say how upset you are when this is all your fault. You owe the bride and your son an enormous apology. Learn some manners and stop trying to make everything about yourself where it shouldn’t be. Consider this a massive lesson learned in being a total cheeky fucker. You should have been a parent and organised breakfast for your son in advance because you knew he wasn’t invited. It really is that simple.

I am quite sure. I helped her to plan and arrange it.(Never again) ( The buffet only included 30(I think) and she had to provide a list as like the OP’s hotel, it also served other guests and public who had to pay for the breakfast so the hotel didn’t want them sneaking in or being invited to join the buffet when they could be paying the hotel for breakfast. And they didn’t want to offer her more than was specified in the wedding package.

I'd imagine that wasn't a buffet then? Which of itself is less formal?

Silly. No. I have said multiple times that the OP was wrong and should not have pushed through. But I also think the bride was petty, OTT and mean-spirited. Both things can be true!

She didn't want him helping himself to food that wasn't for him and his mother was right there to feed him. I really doubt it affected her at all, if for maybe a minute at the bafflement of OP allowing him in.

So the solution was the bride pays for her son to eat…?

I didn’t respond to you, I was responding to someone else.

You owe the bride and your son an enormous apology

An ‘enormous’ apology? Some people need to relax a little and get a grip! And as I have said a million times, the OP was in the wrong and I have never gate-crashed. But come on. Get some perspective.