Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

You’re absolutely right. Creating a scene at someone else’s wedding is definitely cruel, crass, petty and unkind. No means no.

Of course she owes them an enormous apology instead of a half-hearted apology with excuses or none at all. This is someone’s wedding not a town fete. She clearly doesn’t understand how ill-mannered and badly she’s behaved because she keeps playing down her actions instead of being mortified which she absolutely should be. She caused a scene at someone’s wedding function which will have taken a huge amount of planning and money to organise. She could have easily spoiled the poor bride’s breakfast by being rude for taking her attentions away from enjoying her own breakfast to deal with it all and then having to witness OP making a show of herself, playing the victim and crying about it.

She also upset her son all needlessly because she can’t stick to the rules of an invitation and was too lazy/tight/entitled to make sure her son had breakfast organised for him. I have absolute perspective. You on the other hand, not so much. Clearly people have no standards or manners at all but I’m not about to sit here and argue the toss about it any more with you.

Steady on - do you not think you're getting a little bit over-involved here?!

I'm gobsmacked at this @Weddingbrunchcrasher i hope you've called to apologise for your poor behaviour- I suspect not but you really should.

I hope you're able to mend fences but it's going to take a fair bit of humility!

😂

I sometimes think I live in an alternative universe to MNetters when it comes to weddings and the fixed ideas around them. I have never been to a wedding where the guests buy their own drinks either, so the collective opinion on this thread is peculiar to me - and I would like to think anyone I am friends with, because this level of petty is mystifying.

Cool, anyone on this thread who feels like it will all be round yours this evening, then - food and drinks on you!

I know you didn't invite us at the weekend, or last night or during today, but I don't see why that lack of invitation should apply to tonight as well, and anyway, we're huunnngrrryyy 😂

It was a wedding, it wasn't the fucking royal wedding. The OP bringing her son, while she shouldn't have done it, isn't the most heinous crime in the world.

That lady posted in good faith and she is getting her arse handed to her and called all the CFs of the day. Over taking an 8 year old for breakfast that he wasn't invited to. That bride is a piece of work to throw the child out in those circumstances. Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. I hate these pile-ons! And yes a lot of you do need some perspective. We're talking an extremely minor, trivial infraction.

@Weddingbrunchcrasher I hope you remember this going forward, especially when you are planning your own wedding.

My parents would have been completely disgusted with me if I had done that to a child!!!

Hun the “cost per head” is only to gage how much food is needed, it’s not usually done in the literal sense. The amount of food/cost remains the same no matter how many guests there are (once it runs out it runs out).

I see you're being policed as well. Some of these posters really don't like us sticking up for meanness against children do they?

Would your parents be ok with you take a child to a wedding breakfast you had been explicitly told they weren’t invited to and then tried to gatecrash the breakfast despite being told no? They would be happy with that?

She is a CF.

The only person causing a scene was the bride. The OP cried in private. It must have been humiliating. That hateful woman should not have spoken directly to the little boy. It boils my blood to think how mean, cruel and spiteful she has been. I don't know how anyone can think this is ok!

Oh sweetie. The cost per head is the cost per head. It’s how much you pay.

Please do break it down how you think it works? We tell you the cost per head but we charge what….? Cost per head times ?

So you keep saying. How would you like to be called that?

For me, the bride is worse. She could have seethed quietly but handled it with a bit of class and grace. Denying a little boy some breakfast is about as mean as they come!

Or just make an event which is inclusive instead of playing princess for a day? It’s no fun anyways. Beyond me why people bother. Don’t think anyone actually genuinely enjoys these show off type weddings although they may pretend they do. They just feel they have to live up to some standard they’ve seen on a show or others people’s weddings who likewise are trying to keep up with the Joneses. At my wedding we had kids and random neighbors and everyone felt welcomed and included and I didn’t have to say no to anyone because it wasn’t fancy. It felt good and loving, the way you’d hope a celebration of love would be. OP, all the people criticizing you on this thread are right: according to etiquette, you made a blunder.
But according to ethics and love (and indeed Christianity, if these people had a church wedding) the couple behaved cold heartedly and inconsiderately.
Life has taught me though that people are the way they are and most won’t change. Stick w the people who are kind and get you, and limit contact w the rest. It must be hard that your partner’s sister is like this, but she’s very clearly shown you her true colours, so maybe just politely and without drama give up on anything beyond a superficially cordial relationship with her. Don’t waste your energy worrying what she thinks of you or if she’ll accept your child. She likely won’t. Her loss.

The fact ipbtrie do get and was turned away by staff, indicates there's a very good chance staff would know an uninvited guest was eating food. I've spotted it plenty of times in my job.

But the OP had plenty of ways to handle it. she could have

1. asked the bride (didn’t want to leave her son)
2. asked her partner to check before collecting her son
3. asked the hotel if it was ok
4. continued to queue in the open area and got him paid for food

she didn’t have to crash it - she made a mistake and now needs to apologise so they can move on.

the problem is her decision making came from being unhappy her son wasn’t invited and irritation that other children were. Whst she unreasonable to feel that - possibly/possibly not. Was she unreasonable to use that irritation to do what she did - yes

Er no.

Go read your own posts. You’re one of those who have repeatedly declared the bride as cruel, disgusting and other hyperbolic terms because she politely turned away an uninvited guest who was not on the list. An 8 year old who was in no imminent danger of starvation and who was with a parent who was more than capable of arranging breakfast for him and who was unlikely to know or care if he dined in the private room or elsewhere.

And I don't know why anyone thinks it's funny either!

Of course it was humiliating. And entirely of her own making and entirely avoidable if she had not taken her child to a wedding she was clearly told he wasn’t invited to. No one was horrible to the child, apart from the mother.

My posts are fine. I am not attacking other posters directly. I believe I am allowed to describe the participants here however I wish within guidelines.

The wedding was over. This was the next day. The bride can call it a wedding brunch or whatever she wants, but the OP did not crash a wedding. No, she shouldn't have done it, but in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. Let's keep things in perspective.

You have lived a remarkably sheltered life if you think that denying a well nourished, accompanied 8 year old is as mean as it comes. I recommend that you never glance at the news because you are in for quite a shock.

Any supposed harm experienced by the son was inflicted solely by OP's appalling parenting.

You're so funny. I haven't led a sheltered life at all, but I was raised to have manners.