Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

So?

They shouldn’t have to that’s my point 😂…it’s a very old fashioned view point. What would be appropriate, a text? A card? To come round and give you that msg in person? Such a bizarre judgemental attitude to have.

I’m going to hazard a guess that for OP a 3 year relationship and living together for a year would imply they’re committed and anybody who would leave a child out purely on them not being married is not someone I would want to associate with anyway.

It was about the child. I agree, the OP shouldn't have brought him after being refused to bring him to the wedding or the evening do, but faced with the fact of an actual child turning up, it takes a special type of nasty to make him leave. She really showed her class there in spite of her posh wedding!

It isn’t clear but when I had something like this it wasn’t a formal event. The hotel just put the food in a private room for the wedding party or people who stayed over. Not everyone joined it as some people had to go home and some people slept in later. It was just an informal buffet. They didn’t charge per head but was included in the wedding package. I’d be interested to know if this event was the same or if it was a per head event where they had an exact head count of people attending.

At the wedding brunch buffet? To whom would she hand the cash? That would be a bit odd I think.

It's a pretty shitty couple who don't take their guests into consideration. They would have a pretty crap wedding if those guests didn't turn up to make their day.

I'd imagine if there was a headcount it wouldn't be a buffet but a sit-down affair where the food was plated and brought to each guest?

There's a difference between consideration and allowing someone to walk all over you.

I agree. It’s amazing how people treat others having boundaries and being told no as equivalent to being assaulted. One wonders if anyone has ever told them no before and if they raise their children to believe that no is the worst thing that anyone could possibly say to them. Far worse than shit and fuck it appears.

OP was told child wasn’t on the list and they couldn’t eat. The boundaries were clear.

I doubt it was about the extra expense, although that’s a good enough reason to turn gatecrashers away. More likely about letting OP know that she can’t manipulate the family like she tried, and probably has form for. People like OP tend to rely on awkwardness to get their way.

Nope. buffets are calculated on cost per head. How else would you calculate it? Google is your friend for this.

@AlinaRawlingsyou saying that nobody has the right to say otherwise doesn’t make it true. Legally the step child is not family.

Yeah I feel embarrassed on your behalf. It’s big main character energy assuming your son will be welcome when explicitly told he wasn’t to the brunch of your partners sister when your son is in no way related to them.

It's very clear.

OP had to sneak her son in because she had already been told by a member of staff that he wasn't invited.

She really showed her class there in spite of her posh wedding!

It’s often the faux-posh Hyacinth Bucket types who lack class in these scenarios. Real class to me is being welcoming, flexible, generous and understanding, even when others around you are not behaving as they should. We are talking about a kid’s breakfast here. Some perspective is needed by many here.

I strongly suspect this is not the first time OP has tried to force her boyfriend's family to see her son as part of their family. The fact that she asked twice about the wedding and then tried twice to bring him into an event he was not invited to is a fairly determined effort. The continued assumptions she has referred to says she is completely un-self-aware. It reads to me that the bride felt that enough was enough at this point.

What ghastly events most weddings are. Imagine having a party to celebrate love by excluding family members and children. The absurdity of this country never fails to astonish me. Try excluding kids from weddings in any eastern country you’d get told you were heartless and had astonishingly bad manners.

Tbf OP says they’ve lived together for a year, presumably were together for a bit longer.

I think it’s sad your child was upset, but regardless of how much food there was, or if it was price per head, you had been told on more than one occasion your child wasn’t invited. But still you took him into the hotel for breakfast which was part of the post wedding celebrations.
Why would you think the bride would be pleased or not bothered that you’d ignored what had been said?
Surely the logical thing to have done would be call in to a McDonalds for breakfast and then go and pick your DH up. Children aren’t invited to weddings for all sorts of reasons, we may not like it but such is life. There was no need for you to take your child into the brunch area.

Clearly this brunch was part of the wedding celebrations and therefore a big deal to the Bride. Perhaps if you hadn’t have been told no she wouldn’t have been so annoyed, but as it stands she made it very clear and yet you decided to go ahead anyway
Sorry Op, but that’s rude, and maybe the bride could have handled it better, this is a child after all and I’m sure wasn’t going to clear the buffet table, but I suspect the absolute cheek of your decision made her react as she did.

Bridezilla or not, it’s her day. Invites sent out, information given and I’d also be really pissed if someone ignored it and did what suited them.

There'd be leftovers anyway. People who had to leave, people who wanted to sleep... It's not a precise science.

No. We are talking about an entitled wanna be sister in law who’s repeatedly crossed boundaries. And given how far she is from recognising what she did I doubt it’s the first time.

You sound as charmless as a bride and groom who only invite blood children.

So? Did he turn up after everyone left and ask for leftovers? Or did mum, despite being told no, decide to ignore that completely and take a chance?