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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a stroppy princess?

281 replies

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 08:39

I’m very happy to be told IABU…

I went through a divorce 4 years ago. Following divorce, I sold my large 5bed family home (very sad) downsized and bought a small new build on my own (with my children). It’s lovely, just on the small side.

Since then, I have climbed the career ladder and I earn very very well. I can afford the mortgage easily now and things are comfortable.

My partner (of 3 years) moved in with me, 18 months ago to my house and sold his. He pays a good contribution towards bills etc (I have no complaints on this, he’s very lovely, generous, buys food etc)

We are all blissfully living happily together. However I do feel a bit squashed in here and have the desire to move in 2-3 years, pool our finances and buy something together. (He also has a son, so there are 5 of us living together in this small new build house)

It’s a nice house, but it feels very busy and gets messy quickly with 3 children.

Partner has no desire to move house. But I feel disappointed that 5 years ago I was living in a very comfortable 5 bedroom with lots of space and garden and now I feel so squashed into a 3 bed new build.

We could get a joined mortgage and easily afford something bigger. But he says he doesn’t want to move again and it’s comfortable here.
I feel like I am being a bit of a princess… This house size wise was fine with myself and two kids. But now there are 5 of us… it fees claustrophobic.

AIBU to say that we need to consider moving. Not urgently, but in the next couple of years at least?

Am I being a stroppy princess?
Perhaps he just doesn’t see a future with me so doesn’t want to tie himself in? (I don’t think this is the case…)

OP posts:
Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:43

You moved your boyfriend and his son in to your children’s home very soon after divorcing?

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:45

Partner has no desire to move house

he’s completely responsibility free in your home.

That money he got from selling his property… where is it?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/04/2025 08:50

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:43

You moved your boyfriend and his son in to your children’s home very soon after divorcing?

Edited

2 and a half years after divorcing isn't "very soon"

He's got a good deal OP hasn't he. What is he paying at the moment compared to what he'd need to pay if you moved?

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:54

Oh sorry
I thought moved in after a year

why op? You have a lovely home that worked perfectly for you and your children. Why did you move in another adult and his child?

meanwhile his nest egg builds up

TwentyTwentyFive · 14/04/2025 08:54

Well he has no incentive does he, he's living for free in your house with no responsibilities...

I can't believe you moved him and his child in 18 months after meeting him. Your kids have had a lot of upheaval in the last 4 years.

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:56

So your children have to share a bedroom presumably

WhereIsMyLight · 14/04/2025 08:57

It partly sounds like you might want to be buying a bigger house to get back the lifestyle you had with your ex. Especially now you’ve had career progression and maybe it should match. Wanting to move is fine but make sure you’re doing it because of more space, rather than lifestyle aspirations.

What’s the set up exactly? Is he paying all bills and thinking he’d get some equity if you split? Or is he just contributing 50% to bills and keeping his money separate but expecting your house to depreciate?

It’s your house. If you want to sell it, he can’t stop you. Buy a house big enough for your two kids and give them priority over bedrooms if he’s not prepared to contribute. He can move along with you if he wants but he can’t stop you moving. If he’s not prepared to contribute financially, he gets no say. No say on which room his kid gets, where it is, whether you have a north or south facing garden.

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 08:57

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:43

You moved your boyfriend and his son in to your children’s home very soon after divorcing?

Edited

About 2.5 years later after divorce was finalised. Yes. Not sure how that’s relevant.

OP posts:
HundredPercentUnsure · 14/04/2025 08:57

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:45

Partner has no desire to move house

he’s completely responsibility free in your home.

That money he got from selling his property… where is it?

Agree. He doesn't want the financial burden of homeownership again by the sound of it.

But OP I agree, I would want to move too.

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:57

3 bedrooms

so before he moved in, your children had their own bedroom

you moved him and his child in, and your children then needed to share a bedroom

Juiceinacup · 14/04/2025 08:59

What’s the incentive for him to change, he’s living in a nice home with space for his child with probably less costs than if he rented somewhere and no long term commitment with presumably money in the bank.
Pretty sure if you suggested buying and bigger home yourself and letting him live in it under the same circumstances as now he’d be all for it!
He just doesn’t want to commit.

HundredPercentUnsure · 14/04/2025 09:00

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:57

3 bedrooms

so before he moved in, your children had their own bedroom

you moved him and his child in, and your children then needed to share a bedroom

I missed the bit that says how many bedrooms there are in the small new build 🤔

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:01

Perhaps it is the financial burden of homeownership that he doesn’t want. That’s a good way to put it.

Please don’t get me wrong. We have a very good relationship and I am not bitter in anyway.

Just a little frustrated that he doesn’t seem to have the same aspirations as me in terms of housing.

Like I mentioned before, I wouldn’t be wanting to move imminently. But if we are to stay together for the rest of our lives… I want to do it in a more comfortable space…

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 14/04/2025 09:01

So he pays for the food yet he and his child presumably a lot of that anyway? I would just tell him that I was going to move. Personally in your situation I would not mix my finances with him. I would buy the bigger house on my own. I would definitely reconsider whether I wanted him living there and I wouldn't have him living there rent free either.

I would lose respect for a man who was happy to live off another woman's earnings, which is actually what he is doing.

highlandsake · 14/04/2025 09:01

I don’t think that you’re being a stroppy princess at all! Who doesn’t want a bigger house if you could afford it ☺️ Sounds like your priorities are different, I can see why you feel like it’s a squash! There’s 5 of us in our new build with 3 double bedrooms but it still feels crammed most days. Time for a drink and a chat with your Partner OP.

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:02

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:57

3 bedrooms

so before he moved in, your children had their own bedroom

you moved him and his child in, and your children then needed to share a bedroom

There is a box room/study big enough for a bed and nothing else (that his son has). My girls have the same bedrooms they had since we moved in.

I suppose it’s technically a 4 bed. But it’s really a 3 bed with a box room.

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 14/04/2025 09:02

After one divorce, why do you want to tie yourself financially to another man?

You are earning more now. If you want to move, do so on your own resources. Maintain your financial independence and don't make your living situation dependent on another man.

If you insist on doing so, please make sure you get independent legal advice before buying with him to protect your assets - and to potentially prevent your children having to move again if the relationship breaks down. They'd almost certainly rather be in a smaller home than have that disruption.

TwentyTwentyFive · 14/04/2025 09:03

Please don’t get me wrong. We have a very good relationship and I am not bitter in anyway.

Your idea of a good relationship is very different to most. He sounds like he's completely taking advantage of your generosity.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/04/2025 09:03

I don't think wanting a comfortable home for you and your children makes you a stroppy princess. Your house was big enough for your family until you allowed him and his son to move in. I think your solution to that problem is a bit misguided. I'm sure if you found the money to buy a bigger house without him him having to chip in, he would be more than happy to move.

He doesn't want to make a greater financial commitment to your relationship than the groceries he buys. To me that isn't living together commitment. Just tell him you aren't happy with 5 people in the house and ask him to live elsewhere. You don't have to end the relationship, tons of couples live separately. But don't be surprised if he says it will be a deal breaker because he currently has a rather sweet deal.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 14/04/2025 09:03

Personally I would prefer to keep my home and finances separate. Maybe he feels this way?

FortyElephants · 14/04/2025 09:04

Can you afford to upsize the house on your own income? If so I would do that. Don't marry him and keep all your assets for your girls.

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:04

healthybychristmas · 14/04/2025 09:01

So he pays for the food yet he and his child presumably a lot of that anyway? I would just tell him that I was going to move. Personally in your situation I would not mix my finances with him. I would buy the bigger house on my own. I would definitely reconsider whether I wanted him living there and I wouldn't have him living there rent free either.

I would lose respect for a man who was happy to live off another woman's earnings, which is actually what he is doing.

He pays a good and fair contribution. Thats not the issue at all.

But you are right. Maybe I should consider upsizing and purchasing larger something myself. I just would prefer if it could be a joint purchase and something we both want and love and see our future in together (and also that would also afford us more borrowing power for a better/larger property if both of us are on the mortgage)

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 14/04/2025 09:04

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 14/04/2025 09:03

Personally I would prefer to keep my home and finances separate. Maybe he feels this way?

He shouldn't have moved into her home if he felt that way!

Crunchymum · 14/04/2025 09:04

Where is the money from his house sale?

How are the bedrooms allocated?

Why the fuck are you allowing this? Surely the agreement before he moved in was that as soon as you were able you'd move for more space?

Quite frankly I wouldn't have allowed him and a child to move in to begin with due to space (and I say this as someone who lives in a property with too many children and too few bedrooms but mine are all full siblings. Couldn't imagine putting another child from outside the family into the mix)

greengreyblue · 14/04/2025 09:06

I would be suggesting to him that you are wanting more space rand he should think whether he wants to do that with you and have a tenants in common mortgage or whether he wants to find his own place for him and his child.

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