People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

Because if you've decided that I will be your doorman and I was not rude enough to slam it on you, you can say thank you..you're the problem. Not me.

I hate this, it's passive aggressive. Yes, manners are important but there's no need to make things worse by getting someone riled up by being a passive aggressive twat.

But you know you’re NOT their doorman: you were just being polite, so why get so insecure about it that you need to lash out?

I'm not insecure about it. They've chosen to not take the door from you and hold it for themselves, so they've decided to be rude. And force you to hold the door for them, the least they can expect is for someone to point out they've been a dick. The alternative is that they say thank you or acknowledge that you're a human, or get the door themselves.

If people were reminded regularly they may well learn basic manners.

I can understand where you are coming from suggesting that it will improve manners generally. But sadly I genuinely think it won’t. It really just encourages everyone to lash out and melt down every time they feel a bit disappointed by someone they will never see again. If everyone gave way to this at every perceived slight, the world would be a much more aggro place than it is now.

I do the same. It’s just basic manners to say please and thank you. If people lack these social skills it should be highlighted to them how rude they are.

My first example was involving a man.

Honestly, I’m the person who gets yelled at sometimes. When I’m thinking about something deeply I can’t multi task very well and my environmental awareness becomes pretty low. I’d notice if someone was right in front of me and I needed to step aside and take evasive action before crashing into them but I don’t always notice what someone in my general vicinity is doing so if they’ve politely stepped aside further up the path it might not register with me quickly - sometimes I might have already gone past before my brain refocuses and I realise I should have said thank you, by which point they probably already think I’m a dick.

And when I’m driving, sometimes I’m focusing so much on the actual driving that my brain is a bit slow on the niceties side.

It’s honestly not deliberate. If we were interacting directly instead of some brief in passing gesture - some kind of service interaction- I would always be very polite and appreciative. I don’t think anyone who knew me would describe me as rude.

I’ll probably get pretty short shrift for this, but just offering the perspective that it’s not always about someone being a total arsehole and thinking you’re not worth thanking.

That aside, you really don’t know what is going on with someone else, do you really want to be the person who sarcastically yells THANK YOU at someone who forgot to thank you when they’ve just got a cancer diagnosis/been fired/are depressed/whatever.

Me too! Especially at the moment when I’m trying to teach my 3 year old road safety, it just confuses things.

I think it’s partly also because when people do that you can sometimes end up in this hesitation dance - they stop for you, you’re not expecting it so don’t make a move and then you both start to go at the same time, then stop. Just drive on past please and let me choose to cross when I want 😆

But no one asked you to hold the door for anyone! You’ve decided to do it. If you can’t do it without forming expectations of acknowledgment else you’ll get pissed and tell a rando off , you are better off just not involving yourself in the first place!

you are exasperating and exhausting all at the same time and clearly just want the last say… i’ll allow you that (won’t be replying to you again on this thread)… i pity anyone who has a different opinion to you… some MN’s are hell bent on causing a drama on here which maybe shows lack of excitement in RL… who knows🤷‍♀️

I think I do prefer the traditional idea of good manners where it's all about how you conduct yourself rather than how you police others.

A lot of people do seem to go about with an "everyone is out to get me" mentality. I think we'd have a better and more polite world if more of us were prepared to give others some grace for their less than perfect behaviour.

How did I cause drama? By disagreeing with you and calling out your rudeness and ableism?

I think I do prefer the traditional idea of good manners where it's all about how you conduct yourself rather than how you police others.

Agree. I can only control how I react not what the other person does or don’t do.

I can’t imagine walking around assuming people are choosing to be rude on purpose because they verbally didn’t say thank you (sounds very stressful). I have definitely had my experiences where strangers were being rude on purpose but quite easy to tell when they are vs someone being distracted and not realising and more often than not, ime, the latter are apologetic.

I would never shout 'Thank you' at them. I just say 'You're welcome'. 😂

To all the 'THANK YOU' shouters, honestly, if you're going to be such a dick if you don't get the appreciation you want then please don't be 'nice' in the first place.

It's also sad and telling how the apparently polite shouter / sayer so quickly becomes bad mannered / passive aggressive.

Ever since I had kids I frequently get this because I'm in a world of looking out for the safety of my own small children on 6 years of broken sleep and dealing with their demands / tantrums / squabbles.

Which is enough to deal with, now I get the added petulant stranger giving me another kick in the teeth because I didn't loudly acknowledge their heroic act of holding a door open for me that I didn't even ask for.

OP thanks for starting this thread glad I'm not alone.

I don't see how shouting a passive aggressive you're welcome is any better than a passive aggressive thank you.

But isn’t that actually a completely nonsensical comment because as it turns out they are not “ welcome” at all.

I was on the bus the other day, a rarity, I usually drive but anyway the bus got full pretty quickly & a young girl, late teens/early twenties gave up her seat for a much older lady, the older lady didn't acknowledge her at all which I thought was incredibly rude, I didn't miss anything as I was seated behind so would have seen a smile or whatever even if it wasn't a vocal "thank you" honestly manners cost nothing

I don’t shout it @WhatNoRaisinsand l’m
not being passive aggressive. I look at them and say it as though they had thanked me and very often they do at least acknowledge existence and often will say thank you. Occasionally someone is rude and I just shrug and say that I thought they said thank you and that generally results in them shutting up. Like I say, not something I do on the tube in the morning or if I think the person is aggressive or deranged!

I think you are overreacting. Just reflect on that next time you feel compelled to tell someone off.