People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

Stooping?

That's great, dear, but did you miss the part where I have a neurological difference called ADHD? Or the many other reasons people have offered where they are not necessarily able to always "observe social conventions of politeness" as you think they should? Choosing to be rude with a "you're welcome" response is a choice.

I’m happy when my son say something.

My son has watched me say excuse me politely and repeatedly to people who wouldn’t let me pass on the pavement and seem to think I should move my pram into the street to go past them. It’s always people with other kids or couples. Funny enough, they move when he says politely “excuse me, can you please move so we can pass?”. He’s 7.

I reward him when we get home.

I didn't miss the part when you decided that your rudeness should be ignored. Nor the part when you decided that their rudeness is beyond the pale. In truth, both of you will just have to suck up one another's rudeness.

Bit depressing a thread about "manners" has descended into playground name calling.

No one is suggesting exactly the same rules don’t apply to men. In fact, a poster above specifically mentioned Vance as being out of order for banging on about being owed an apology.

Why is there a core of MN who start banging on about misogyny whenever they feel a bit flustered? Not everything is about that.

I'm sorry. There are some deeply unpleasant people out there hiding behind "calling people out" and their "rights".

I'm not being intentionally rude though - that's the difference.

So, no, I don't think it's remotely comparable. In one case a person's unintentional behaviour is perceived as rude as a result of a neurological difference/ disability. In the other case, a person is actively choosing to be deliberately rude/ aggressive because they've made a load of ableist assumptions and chosen to take something personally.

So yeh, no.

Because when you walk around like the Queen of Sheba passing through doors being held open for you by strangers without so much as a smile, it will piss a lot of people off.

Clearly you struggle with perspective taking.
I'll show you some grace even though I imagine you are capable of doing better.

Do whatever you like, I don't know you, I don't mind. I was just suggesting you cultivate some of the patience you expect from others.

Is a smile or even a nod at the person thanks enough or does “thank you” have to be verbally said?

No, I don't think so, a smile or a nod is a thanks. Sometimes it's too busy or noisy to do anything else.

I'm not suggesting you should mind, I'm just pointing out that you clearly struggle with perspective taking, but I will take up your kind recommendation and try to exercise some patience.

And when you say 'cultivate some of the patience you expect from others', do you mean by not shouting back at them perhaps?
I don't. I never respond aggressively in kind - If I have time to collect my thoughts before they dash off, I usually mumble a 'sorry', or 'I didn't realise' or some such.

So, yeh, despite your repeated attempts to make this a case of 6 of one, half a dozen of the other, it just really isn't that sort of situation I'm afraid.

No, as in, where you expect people to open doors for you without any acknowledgement of that act of kindness with serene acceptance that you - and not the other hundreds of people who cannot be arsed to be polite- were genuinely incapable of basic manners - that you also extend that grace that they couldn't know that you hadn't made a decision to treat them like house staff.

A driver shouted "YOU'RE WELCOME" when I crossed at a zebra crossing recently. Erm ok.

Oh gosh, I had very similar to this once too with a newborn, very little sleep, trying to manoeuvre a pram and generally feeling frazzled. The women who pulled the "you're welcome" on me stepped slightly to one side whilst staying on the path. The pram and I were right on the verge trying to avoid nettles and dog shit. I'd given her a smile and a nod. I remember being so upset at the time that she thought me rude it's stuck with me for years. With hindsight I'm pretty sure she was ruder than I was. Agree with you OP, adults should not be policing each others manners.

It's just a bit fucking arsey, isn't it? Sure, it's rude not to acknowledge someone for holding a door or whatever, but whenever i do hear someone do the "your're welcome" thing it just makes me think they are a bit of a twat.

No, as in, where you expect people to open doors for you

I don't expect them to open doors for me though. Again, the expectations/ entitlements are all on one side.

Equally slowly - because they were hogging 2/3 of the pavement and begrudging 1/3 of the pavement.

It’s the needing to hear a thank you that makes the actions of people who shout it rude to me. A nod and/or a smile should be enough.

If someone needs to actually hear it and shouts at people for not saying it, they’re the rude one imo.

Another case of speak for yourself, or your experience.

I've had a train stopped by talking through the emergency button.

My daughter and I were moved carriages. The police arrested the person in question when we disembarked.

He was a high as kite jakey. Getting really aggressive.
I'm not sure what you're problem is, but it's all "in your experience".

I've lived a long, fruitful and often miserable life.
Nobody scares me. Not your man with tatts and teeth.
Not your jakey.

I deal with situations.

If someone is rude, I tell them so.

I don't run and hide afterwards.

So, yeah. Pointless.

Yes. I am talking for myself and from my experience. I can't talk from yours or anyone else's. My thoughts, experiences and opinions may well seem pointless to you but this is a talking forum and im talking. You don't have to like what I'm say but that's a YOU PROBLEM.

Thank you for your feedback.

You are most welcome.