People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

vice versa

Well great for you for being so laid back. Personally I find it bloody rude.

I did silently cheer when my friend let go of a door after holding it open for people who didn’t thank her. The door smacked them in the shoulder 🤣

When at work several months ago a customer moved out of the way for me - I was deep in thought and on my way to take a break as my daughter had gone into labour very prematurely and I was obviously upset. The woman shouted ‘you’re welcome’ at the top of her voice so I turned round and said ‘ I’m really sorry I was in a world of my own then as my daughter is in premature labour’ - she said ‘I don’t need to know your fucking life story, just fuck off’ which was nice!

I don't think it's rude to remind someone that saying please or thank you is the polite thing to do.

Says it all about the motivation of people that love to "call it out" if you ask me.

You clearly know nothing about selective mutism, non verbal communication comes under the same umbrella so this can also be difficult.

We have interventions in place with a trained pyschologist that specialises in this field but thanks for the advice.

I usually remember to say thank you, but sometimes consider that the person hasn't particularly done anything to be particularly thanked for - so you haven't let the door slam in my face? Oh well done you, have a 🫓

And also sometimes I might be in my head and not really paying attention to my surroundings, as, among other things, my mum is unwell with cancer that will probably kill her within six months. So if anyone wants to be passive aggressive about a moment's inattention, fuck you and be glad your head is full of such unimportant shite.

well i think it’s pretty clear from the poll that 79% of MN thinks you 21% are bloody rude …. i just hope and prey the majority of you don’t have children who end up brought up how you have been … ill mannered😉

Haven't you kind of answered your own question by saying a stranger means nothing to you but to someone else they may be important or at least mean something? every person i meet means something however, that doesn't mean I'll yell after them because they didn't act in the way i expected. That's not going to make a rude person polite.

Well, if the parent doesn’t do it, then the person providing a service is well within their rights to prompt a please.

She wasn’t a random bystander, she’s literally completing a service FOR him, of course prompting manners is appropriate!

Oh god this happens to me sometimes that people passive aggressively shout “you’re welcome”. I have adhd and am often in my own little world or have something else on my mind - it’s not that I’m intending to be rude in any way, I just am just not focused on what random people on the street are up to (beyond making sure I don’t bump into them etc), I just haven’t noticed. I really don’t think people need to be so sensitive/ take things so personally - you never know what is going on for another person.

It's petty and rude.

My DP had a funny one. He was out jogging and ended up stuck behind a group of walkers who were hogging the whole path. After about a minute one of them finally moved and he was able to job past - he didn't say thank you (as they had been hogging the path for ages), and he heard one of them shout YOURE WELCOME..!

In my experience people generally only challenge people they perceive to be weaker than them. They always have big balls when they have something to say to woman or children. Maybe you're the exception to the rule. People never have anything to say to the male prick vaping on the train/ listening to slap your bitch up music on loud speaker / having a conversation on speaker/ talking about explicit shit. My kids actually behave better than lots of then adults we come across on public transport.

I never know whether to be mortified or proud when my 5 year old (who has no filter no matter how much we try to remind her to think before speaking) says things like this. This morning it was 'mummy, why did those people push in front of us in the queue' 'why did that man not cover his mouth when he sneezed and got snot on me'.

When I am on my own it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't say 'thank you'. But it bothers me when I'm with my children, they might say after 'why didn't that person say thank you', and it's not always easy to explain why.

Its ignorance and ableism.

As I pointed out in another thread, I'm not normally petty but I took quite a bit of joy in matching their shout to point out the person they just yelled at (who was with me but ahead of me) was actually deaf and physically can't say anything.

Both are valid choices

Not really, if it turns out you are just being rude and aggressive to someone because of their disability

I'm the rude one, Oh please

You are though. And ableist.

Maybe, if you don't think people should take things so seriously, you should apply that to your own sensitivity when you are so busy in your own little world that you aren't acknowledging the things people are doing around you to accommodate you and respond accordingly?

So in my position I should still have said ‘thank you’? I think I was quite right and the other person was a twat!!!

But I'm not the one who chose to be deliberately aggressive and start beef with a stranger, because I felt entitled to some kind of acknowledgement?

And I certainly never ask or expect random strangers on the street to "accommodate" me 😂

I think doing this is extremely rude and makes you as bad as the original offender, but I know I am in the minority.

I think if you are rude and don't observe social conventions of politeness then people will respond outside of those conventions too. And, if that keeps happening, it would be worth taking your own advice and not take that so seriously. It's just a pragmatic observation of the situation that you describe.

But once again - like a lot of the angry manners enforcers on here - you are focusing on “the rights” of the person who thinks they are “owed” a thank you. Manners are not about rights. Rights are enforceable. Manners are simply an act of graciousness. They are lovely, I try to use them, I teach my Dc to use them. But I’m still able to distinguish between something I value and enjoy and something I l can enforce.

aka stooping