No notice AIBU?

[daisychainsandsummerdays]

I’ve been planning a trip to see in-laws who live in Scotland, we live in London.

The plans were loosely made over a couple of weeks ago- but the plan being we would drive up to them - it’s a 7/8 hour drive with our two little ones, 3 and 6.

Yesterday I got a message asking what time would we be arriving …I said not sure exactly.
the next morning I got a message saying need to know when EXACTLY and can we be at there’s by midday!!!
Brother in law had Boole a family photographer and a day off work, other siblings may not be available other days - need to know out plans ASAP!

I replied saying sorry we can’t make it for 12 noon and sorry had no idea BIL had taken day or even if there was a photographer!!!
after a 7 hour drive with two little children - last thing I want to do is get photo’s done. Also wasnt planning on bringing best outfits and haven’t even had my hair done.

so frustrated - feeling like not going at all.

No ones going to want to do more photos in a few months?

I don't see that the OP is being difficult. Her family are making the effort to travel a fair distance with two young kids and the rest of the family can't even be bothered to organise a family photoshoot to include them.

If they wanted the OP and her family involved they would make it happen but they obviously don't care which most people would find upsetting.

I didn't miss your post.

'so yeah. Left out'

Reads as pissed to me.

She's entitled to be pissed. Most people would be annoyed that they chose to deliberately do a group family photoshoot on a day that they knew part of the family couldn't be there... Not sure why you think that is an unusual response to being deliberately excluded?

Well wouldn’t you be.

But you didn’t want to do it @daisychainsandsummerdays?? Is this just FOMO? Organise photos a different time if you want them.

and to say “not sure exactly” when asked for an ETA is just deliberately awkward. You could easily have given an estimate. I’d love to hear your in laws take on this and your behaviour generally.

Just let BIL's family and the grandparents have their professional photos. I'd be glad to be missing out - I hate that sort of thing 😁Just get your own photos organised for another time if you like the idea too.

Where did the OP say she didn't want to do a photoshoot? She just rightly didn't feel like it was a good idea to do it after travelling for the best part of the day with two young children?

I would be pissed off, too.

How does your DH feel? It's his parents and DB. Personally, I wouldn't bother going if this upset him, as I'd be offended on behalf of my children being left out.

I assume it was all booked last minute and yes if you leave early (which as I have said is a lovely way to do a drive and kids sleep) you could make it.

sounds like they realised it was a day there was a chance they could get everyone and went with it

I'd be really pissed off, @daisychainsandsummerdays and it's ridiculous behaviour from your in laws. What's the backstory?

I'd be doing at happy dance at missing a photoshoot, but it's not about that is it?

BIL has waded in & everyone jumped to his tune & no one cares that you are the family that will miss it?

Something like that?

Lolol at the posters saying leave at 4 am and get there for a 12 o'clock photoshoot. Must be living on another planet or just being goady AF. Do your in laws know you use Mumsnet?

Why are you communicating with DH parents. I was like you always blamed for things (or at least that is how I felt but I more realise it might have been partly in my head) . I took the step of simply sitting back and leaving commmunication completely through my DH. I am on the wattsapp group etc but I just don't reply. At the start I think I had added a few times @DH can you reply or something similar just to make it clear it is his responsibility. Now (10 years later) they fully communicate with him

@harriethoylemy behaviour?
I replied to a message of when we would be arriving- I could not give an exact time - as if you would know, maybe you don’t, getting two little ones in the car and driving 7 hours from London to Scotland takes a while!

the photoshoot was dropped on us the next day - and make haste and get here BY midday!

so my behaviour is questioned??

seriously?

I used to drive from East Sussex to Glasgow two or three times a year, with 3 DCs.
It took around 9 hours from door to door, including a couple of short-ish stops.

I found it so much easier just to set off at around 8am and aim to arrive at 5pm, than add in an overnight stay somewhere?

It was surprisingly straightforward, and the DCs were fine (although, admittedly, we relied on screens for much of the journey!)

I definitely wouldn't have been up for taking part in a family photoshoot on arrival though!

But you could have said planning to arrive sometime in the afternoon or eg hoping to leave by 10am which means we will be there at 5pm at the earliest or whatever

I wouldn't be worried about hair cuts and outfits but them expecting you to travel to be there for 12 when it's a 7 hr journey is ridiculous. Who thinks a photo shoot with two small kids dragged out of bed at 4am and after 7 hrs stuck in a car is a good idea anyway. I'd be annoyed too. Have they said you'll miss it to try force you to get there earlier?

You're focusing on completely the wrong thing here and completely missing the point?

It's not like you knew there was going to be a photo shoot though, nor did you plan to book one yourselves. I bet there's just a whole load of poor communication here. In laws may have said you were up for the weekend , maybe BIL thought he had booked it for the day after you were arriving, in laws hadn't communicated, BIL mentions it to in laws who say arrive by midday - you can't, oh well, he's getting photos of his family and his parents. You haven't lost anything really as you never knew there were going to be photos.
You said you don't want them as you haven't had hair cuts, so it's not like you'd want them rearranging for the next day.
Families are bloody strange and I'd just chalk it up to that.

Your earlier posts were grumbling about not having hair cuts and clothing suitable for a family photo and how it's the last thing you would want after such a long drive. Now they have said you don't have to do it and you're still not happy!

I bet there's just a whole load of poor communication here.

Possibly.

But I would have thought that the time the drive takes &the ages of kids aren't unknown!

A 7 hour journey can easily turn into a 12+ hour if you're unlucky with traffic, little ones need the loo, there's a lot of "I'm HUNGRY", "I'M BORED" etc.

I regularly do a 4 hour trip to see family and I will let them know what time we're leaving but an exact arrival time isn't possible. It's always around 4 hours, traffic and 3 year olds bladder depending.

What an astonishing amount of this on the thread. Is it invasion of the MILs day at mumsnet?

Deleted because of a weird time lag double post 🤦🏽‍♀️

I regularly drove from London to Scotland, with 2 children and usually 2 large dogs... and left early doors, its just bonkers behaviour from the Scottish side to expect you to want to do this.

A photoshoot once I arrived was never even a thought for anyone. Bizarre behaviour from the ILs I think. You would all be shattered, cranky, and just want to get settled.