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daisychainsandsummerdays · 2025-04-13T07:50:32+00:00

I’ve been planning a trip to see in-laws who live in Scotland, we live in London. The plans were loosely made over a couple of weeks ago- but the plan being we would drive up to them - it’s a 7/8 hour drive with our two little ones, 3 and 6. Yesterday I got a message asking what time would we be arriving …I said not sure exactly. the next morning I got a message saying need to know when EXACTLY and can we be at there’s by midday!!! Brother in law had Boole a family photographer and a day off work, other siblings may not be available other days - need to know out plans ASAP! I replied saying sorry we can’t make it for 12 noon and sorry had no idea BIL had taken day or even if there was a photographer!!! after a 7 hour drive with two little children - last thing I want to do is get photo’s done. Also wasnt planning on bringing best outfits and haven’t even had my hair done. so frustrated - feeling like not going at all.

edwinbear · 13/04/2025 09:40

Bizarre suggestion from in laws. We have a c.6hr drive to see mine. We usually aim to leave about 9am so let them know we’ll be there around 3pm. Then update them on the way if we get held up. We call about an hour before we arrive to let them know we’re an hour away. We need a car to drive around once we’re there so a train wouldn’t work, they are also ridiculously expensive.

Not a chance in hell would I then be doing a photo shoot with all the faffing about involved.

Tiswa · 13/04/2025 09:40

Trickabrick · 13/04/2025 09:17

I agree I wouldn’t be leaving at stupid o’clock to facilitate a photo shoot but it’s a totally OTT reaction to cancel the entire trip because of it, that’s a frankly bizarre reaction! Just say no and stick to your normal plans 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree BUT

we often leave at that time if we have a long drive - through roads are amazing at that time of time and you can get places at the driving time rather than hours of traffic and the kids sleep. Bundling them up in the car and just starting is a much more efficient way of travelling

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 13/04/2025 09:40

Moveoverdarlin · 13/04/2025 09:36

They asked you what time you were arriving and you said ‘not sure exactly’. Personally I think that’s rude and not helpful at all. They are hosting guests and making plans for you, surely it’s not unreasonable to want to know when you are all arriving.

I would have said ‘Leaving London at 9am, planning to get to you at 4pm (traffic and wee stops permitting).

You have a point here, but if they had said something like, "We are thinking of booking a photographer to get some family photos taken so we need to know what time you will arrive", the OP would have understood the urgency.

And booking a photographer for midday when they know full well that the OP's family will not be able to get there for midday is just weird and unkind.

Left · 13/04/2025 09:49

I think they just want to know when you’re setting off, and what the earliest arrival time might be so they know when to be in/be ready for. Then throughout the journey you can keep them updated, or share location, so they know if you’re held up or ahead of time.

Winter2020 · 13/04/2025 09:50

With the ages of your children and the length of your drive I would suggest getting a couple of hours driving under your belt the evening before and staying in a travel lodge or premier inn.

I still think you would need a couple of very decent breaks the following day if you are travelling a further 5 hours. For example parks where the kids can play and eat.

That is a long journey with young kids. I think you are likely to get to the point that they are crying being put back in the car and you will feel awful. Some of the journey at night while they sleep will really help.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 13/04/2025 09:54

Fine to say we won't be able to do those timings. Very rude to then use this as an excuse not to go.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 09:54

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 09:09

No we can’t go the day before. Both BIL’s live close by to in laws - half hour at the most!!

I’ve said that it’s not possible to do that and we were not aware there was a photographer booked or BIL had taken time off work.

thinking we will stay in London and not go.

ill end up the bad person here no doubt but it feels like what was a trip to see in laws has turned into what BIL wants us to do..

im sad about it but I’m now over it! 😡

Why are they contacting you rather than their own son and blaming you? I would probably cancel the visit as they sound really unreasonable.

Original poster

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 09:57

There is no drip feed coming.

one of the things is that if I’d known in advance there was to be a family photoshoot, I would have organised haircuts and outfits in advance !

this was meant to be catch up, relaxed trip. Now made into something it wasn’t meant to be.

OP posts:

Whinge · 13/04/2025 10:00

this was meant to be catch up, relaxed trip.

You're not able to attend the photoshoot, but that doesn't change the rest of the trip. Cancelling the entire thing would be a massive overreaction.

Happyinarcon · 13/04/2025 10:02

personally I don’t take things like photo shoots very seriously, I’d be happy to tumble out of the car and put on some lip gloss, sometimes these are the best type of photos

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 10:05

Whinge · 13/04/2025 10:00

this was meant to be catch up, relaxed trip.

You're not able to attend the photoshoot, but that doesn't change the rest of the trip. Cancelling the entire thing would be a massive overreaction.

Surely it depends on how her in-laws will react about their photo shoot not going ahead? OP has said that she will get the blame so if they make their displeasure obvious during the visit, it won't be a fun or relaxing trip for OP.

Kitkatfiend31 · 13/04/2025 10:06

I think one of you needs to speak to BIL. In my experience things you get told by one family member are not necessarily correct or have come about from people being given the wrong info. Inlaws may have wanted the photographer and so BIL booked it. He may have been told you would be there that day etc... Check in with him. See if it can be rearranged for another visit etc. At least speak to him so you know the score.

Hankunamatata · 13/04/2025 10:07

Don't let this spoil your trip. You can't make the photo shoot. Enjoy your time away

Moveoverdarlin · 13/04/2025 10:14

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 13/04/2025 09:40

You have a point here, but if they had said something like, "We are thinking of booking a photographer to get some family photos taken so we need to know what time you will arrive", the OP would have understood the urgency.

And booking a photographer for midday when they know full well that the OP's family will not be able to get there for midday is just weird and unkind.

Show quote history

Yes I agree. But when you send a message asking what time are you getting here, it’s because you do actually need to know, you’re not sending it just for a laugh. Sending ‘Not sure exactly’ is just as bad as not replying.’

Communication definitely could be better between both parties. If I was OP I would say ‘A photoshoot? Since when? Not sure if I’m up for that to be honest. We’ll have been in the car for 8 hours and we all need hair cuts. It’s a lovely idea from BIL, but would it be ok if we did it in the summer holidays instead? We were just planning on a relaxing break this time.

Speak! Phone MIL and speak. Don’t reply ‘not sure exactly’ and then moan plans are being made without your input.

B1indEye · 13/04/2025 10:24

Happyinarcon · 13/04/2025 10:02

personally I don’t take things like photo shoots very seriously, I’d be happy to tumble out of the car and put on some lip gloss, sometimes these are the best type of photos

If Id organized a professional photographer I would definitely not want a photo of unprepared people who'd just tumbled out of a 7 hour car drive and neither would I want me and family to be forever immortalized like that. I know we're all different but would many people actually want that?

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 12:00

Moveoverdarlin · 13/04/2025 10:14

Yes I agree. But when you send a message asking what time are you getting here, it’s because you do actually need to know, you’re not sending it just for a laugh. Sending ‘Not sure exactly’ is just as bad as not replying.’

Communication definitely could be better between both parties. If I was OP I would say ‘A photoshoot? Since when? Not sure if I’m up for that to be honest. We’ll have been in the car for 8 hours and we all need hair cuts. It’s a lovely idea from BIL, but would it be ok if we did it in the summer holidays instead? We were just planning on a relaxing break this time.

Speak! Phone MIL and speak. Don’t reply ‘not sure exactly’ and then moan plans are being made without your input.

Show quote history

If knowing the time of arrival is vital because they want to book a professional photographer for a set of family photos, surely they would mention this when asking what time OP and her family will be arriving?

Original poster

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 12:31

MIL has now messaged to say they aren’t changing the day of the photographer. The family photo will be happening without us.
we won’t get there in time.
so yeah. Left out.

OP posts:

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/04/2025 12:34

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 12:31

MIL has now messaged to say they aren’t changing the day of the photographer. The family photo will be happening without us.
we won’t get there in time.
so yeah. Left out.

So you're travelling all that way and they've decided the only day they could possibly arrange the photoshoot is the day you're travelling? Even though everyone else taking part lives nearby and could therefore do a group photoshoot at literally any other time with minimal effort. To be honest I'm not sure I'd feel like making the effort to go either.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 12:39

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 12:31

MIL has now messaged to say they aren’t changing the day of the photographer. The family photo will be happening without us.
we won’t get there in time.
so yeah. Left out.

Do you still want to go? If not, don't bother. Their behaviour is very odd. As the previous poster said, why on earth would they book the photographer for a family photo on the day that you and your family will be travelling for 8 hours with two small children in the car?

pikkumyy77 · 13/04/2025 12:48

Obviously they booked the photographer for the golden child (BIL) and then remembered that OP’s less favoured family were coming and scrambled to “include” them to cover the embarrassment of the thoughtless and exclusionary planning. This was never meant to include OP and her DH snd children.

Hastentoadd · 13/04/2025 12:48

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 12:31

MIL has now messaged to say they aren’t changing the day of the photographer. The family photo will be happening without us.
we won’t get there in time.
so yeah. Left out.

Let your husband communicate with them, they seem to be taking their ( unreasonable frustrations) out on you
Why are they directing all of this at you?

I wouldn’t want to go either after the way they have been behaving

This surely can’t have been the first issue that you have had with them, they sound almost bullish and controlling

DelphiniumBlue · 13/04/2025 12:53

Dear MiL
The trip will take about 8 hours, and then we need to build in a couple of stops for the DC. So if we leave at 7, we should be with you about 5pm, all being well. We'll keep you updated once we're on our way.

Pigsears · 13/04/2025 13:00

Why are you so pissed? You said you couldn't make it anyway and we're getting stressed that you couldn't make it...

Are you always this difficult?

I'd say, ok. Understand. How about we arrange another set of photos in the summer?

lostinthesunshine · 13/04/2025 13:01

This all seems odd.

Is it possible that they were mistaken about which day you were travelling? Or did they agree the photo shoot with your DH and he forgot to tell you? Is the day you are travelling actually a family event (birthday, anniversary etc) and so they assumed you would have planned to be there for the whole day?

Because the alternate is that they thought you could teleport from London to Scotland, and would be OK with surprise photos (which most people wouldn’t). And even weirder that BIL would have taken a day off work for your travel day!

Original poster

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 13:01

Pigsears · 13/04/2025 13:00

Why are you so pissed? You said you couldn't make it anyway and we're getting stressed that you couldn't make it...

Are you always this difficult?

I'd say, ok. Understand. How about we arrange another set of photos in the summer?

The photos are going ahead without us. You might have missed that part.

no I’m not a difficult person.

OP posts: