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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No notice AIBU?

303 replies

daisychainsandsummerdays · 13/04/2025 08:50

I’ve been planning a trip to see in-laws who live in Scotland, we live in London.

The plans were loosely made over a couple of weeks ago- but the plan being we would drive up to them - it’s a 7/8 hour drive with our two little ones, 3 and 6.

Yesterday I got a message asking what time would we be arriving …I said not sure exactly.
the next morning I got a message saying need to know when EXACTLY and can we be at there’s by midday!!!
Brother in law had Boole a family photographer and a day off work, other siblings may not be available other days - need to know out plans ASAP!

I replied saying sorry we can’t make it for 12 noon and sorry had no idea BIL had taken day or even if there was a photographer!!!
after a 7 hour drive with two little children - last thing I want to do is get photo’s done. Also wasnt planning on bringing best outfits and haven’t even had my hair done.

so frustrated - feeling like not going at all.

OP posts:
AthWat · 15/04/2025 15:00

Forgotmyoriginalusername · 15/04/2025 14:48

Oh, I totally agree with you that some family members are AWFUL and so toxic or selfish or narcissistic that there’s no point in offering olive branches nor subjecting yourself to continued abuse. The only option there is to cut ties (and maybe move away!)

But, unless we aren’t being told something big here, this doesn’t seem to be one of those in-salvable situations. So instead I wonder if OP is just acting in a knee-jerk way as she’s feeling hurt and angry, which might not be the right course of action as overreaction often leads to even more heartache instead of fixing it.

Show quote history

There's obviously something big we are not being told - the previous years of the relationship between all the parties involved. Whatever that is has led to the way the OP feels about them now. It's fairly obvious that they havent all been best of friends right up until this moment, but this has just decided her to never see them again. She already thinks they are a bunch of selfish idiots. Her husband, as far as we know, doesn't disagree.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 15/04/2025 20:14

I don’t think OP said she never wants to see them again?! I think they’ve decided that it’s not possible to get to Scotland (tired and feeling gross from travelling) for 12. As the family are going ahead without them - she is feeling hurt and there is no point in travelling that far when they (Scottish members of the family) clearly aren’t fussed to have them on the photo! The Scotland cohort must have known they can’t make it for 12?? And with little warning what did they expect.

Lollipopsicle · 15/04/2025 21:30

daisychainsandsummerdays · 15/04/2025 07:53

Thanks for all your thoughts….

We are staying home. No more driving to Scotland.

there were further messages about driving further and meeting us at BIL home. Lives a further 40 mins away.

not doing that.

staying home with my family. Don’t care what that means or how it comes across.
expecting us to drive all that way whilst others live locally. Nope.
👎

Don’t blame you OP. I’d do the same.

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