No notice AIBU?

[daisychainsandsummerdays]

I’ve been planning a trip to see in-laws who live in Scotland, we live in London.

The plans were loosely made over a couple of weeks ago- but the plan being we would drive up to them - it’s a 7/8 hour drive with our two little ones, 3 and 6.

Yesterday I got a message asking what time would we be arriving …I said not sure exactly.
the next morning I got a message saying need to know when EXACTLY and can we be at there’s by midday!!!
Brother in law had Boole a family photographer and a day off work, other siblings may not be available other days - need to know out plans ASAP!

I replied saying sorry we can’t make it for 12 noon and sorry had no idea BIL had taken day or even if there was a photographer!!!
after a 7 hour drive with two little children - last thing I want to do is get photo’s done. Also wasnt planning on bringing best outfits and haven’t even had my hair done.

so frustrated - feeling like not going at all.

You don't have to agree with me, didn't ask you to either.
You commented on my post as you don't agree, I don't agree with yours.

Try practicing what you preach, you might learn something.

Just say
We are setting off at 9 am and will need several breaks for the kids so we don't expect t9 to be there before 8 pm "

"Sorry, we will miss the photo shoot "

Except, I'm not.
So all in-laws think the same way, that's a new one.

As what I "preach" is discussion to find out who is right and who is wrong, I'm perfectly happy to practice it. Unfortunately all you seem to have done is say you don't agree with me, without saying why. What don't you agree with? the idea that by discussion one can find out whether something is right or not? I'd like to know why you think that, so, in the spirit of practicing what I preach, I'll ask you to outline the reasons you think it.

I know mine is right. There's the difference! I couldn't give a monkeys what you think is "bizarre".

What would the point be in having an opinion if you couldn't back it up?!

Spectacularly missing the point again.

Don't give a monkeys about what you think either.
You're the one who replied to my post to OP 😂.

Great you're keeping track and giving a monkeys 🐒🐒🐒.

What age are you?!

Age, where I live, gosh, you're obsessed!

The first was a joke, the second was referring to your apparent immaturity. I suggest you find someone else to latch onto as I am not interested.

So you say, yet here you are, still latching.... 🐒🐒🐒.

No. We have no idea. The MiL’s actions seemed much more in line with it being sprung on her, hence my assumption since OP hasn’t said that anyone knew anything about it before yesterday.

Even if it had all been planned when OP’s family first arranged to go up and her in laws just didn’t think to mention it, it’s just one small part of a whole trip - and not a part that they’d been looking forward to - so still seems like an over reaction to not go.

Whoever planned the photoshoot, it's a rotten stunt to pull.

I can understand why the OP would be pissed off enough not to go, but for family unity's sake, I think I would.

Possibly a rotten stunt (OP hints at BiL being particularly self-centered) but also possibly just a frustratingly disorganized family where out-of-sight out-of-mind has a big impact.

If there were good reason to think it was deliberate on MiL’s (or FiL’s) part I would see a point to not going but if it’s one of the others OP’s not actually staying with it would seem somewhat nasty on OP’s part. (And I should point out we don’t know that she didn’t go. The radio silence would be very much in keeping with her having gone and not with her sticking to a ranty and hasty declaration made while understandably hassled and annoyed).

No matter, the OP is entirely entitled to be pissed off!

Maybe she has gone, and I hope she did, because it would be hard to come back from a no-show. I'd be wary from now on though.

I’d just message saying planning to set off at 9 assuming no traffic issues should be there by around 5pm

The photos - leave them to it .

I get why you’re saying that but I don’t think we have enough information to make that call. It doesn’t sound as though OP shared firm travel plans with the in-laws, so at this stage there are a number of different possible scenarios including:
(1) MIL and BIL already knew OP would be driving in the day in question and so BIL was annoyingly thoughtless in organising the shoot at 12 the same day, or
(2) MIL knew only vague plans like the arrival date but no other details (ie she didn’t know if they would be leaving the night before or early morning, etc) and shared the date with BIL who (mistakenly) thought it might be a nice opportunity to get a group photos in but all the miscommunication led to a fudge-up; or
(3) BIL organised the shoot independently and MIL later realised it was on same day as OP was arriving so thought it would be a lovely idea to see if there was any way of combining the two.

From OP’s posts so far, I don’t see any suggestion that MIL ‘demanded’ that everyone be there by 12; she may just have reasonably enquired if that might be somehow possible (to which the answer was, also reasonably, no).

I really don’t think at this stage we can say where the fault lies, if indeed anyone is really at fault here.

My personal opinion based on the info so far is that it sounds likely that it was just miscommunication and so it can still be a good weekend as long as everyone approaches it with a positive attitude.

If the BiL was arranging this photo shoot independently of the OP's visit, with a lot of family who live relatively locally, it seems rather odd that it would fall on the morning of the day that they knew the OP was driving up for a visit, rather on one of the other hundreds of days they could have done it.

I'd assumed they'd picked a school holiday day specifically; that makes it rather less of a coincidence on the basis that OP probably only visits in school holidays.

And, on the basis that the day involved people taking time off work, and getting school holiday availability from the photographer, it's likely that it was booked rather more than the 2 weeks ago which was when OP shared her family's travel plans.

But why, though? If they all live locally surely they could have done it on an evening or a weekend. No need for anybody to take time off work.

That's assuming everyone is free in the evening and at weekends. People don't all work 9-5 Monday-Friday.

And, if young children are in the mix, an evening could be a nightmare.

So because a couple might work weekends or evenings, they chose a day when far more people are likely to be working? That doesn't make any sense.

Presumably, like most people would, they have chosen a day that works best for the majority of the people actually involved in the shoot and their own particular circumstances?

I think it more unlikely that they deliberately picked a day in the school holidays that was inconvenient for most of them on the off chance that OP's family might be there (but without actually checking).

I mean, you can make up scenarios where it makes sense for them to choose this one particular day out of hundreds without considering the OP, yes. But they remain unlikely.