CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

Oh tricky I would be tempted to go but do the bare minimum, so allocate one day of your week to the garden/ housework and the rest just do what you would to keep a home tidy. However I would also make those intentions clear before going

It's a bit cheeky but I'd still do it for a free holiday for you and the grandchildren

Don't go then.

I agree with your husband, small price to pay for a ‘free’ holiday. I’d take it on the chin if i thought I’d have a good week.

I think it's a fair trade for a free holiday.

I'd do it, it's not a huge ask or much time out of your holiday.

Sounds like a fair swap to me if you want the holiday. If not, then don’t go but you seem to want something for nothing so that makes you a CF as much as SIL.

She’s absolutely using you to go in and clean it for her first. But as dh says that is a small cost for a free ish holiday. I wouldn’t really be happy on principle, but is the bigger picture a nice holiday with your grandchildren, and is it worth letting it go.
can you ask for longer than a week, so you can spend a day giving it a bit of a clean, some time relaxing after your cleaning and then a week with your dgc.
I think also you need to decide how much you’re willing to do, an hours weeding and running the lawn mower over, or 8 hours intensive gardening, dusting and running the hoover over, or cleaning absolutely everything.
and will you have a choice - are you expecting it to be filthy? Obviously you won’t want to stay there if it’s gross.

I think I’d take it at face value, go and have a lovely holiday but do a bit of sprucing up in return for staying. It seems like a fair exchange to me.

We used to holiday quite regularly in an apartment abroad belonging to a friend. They never wanted any money but we’d tidy up the plants on the terrace, give it all a sweep etc and my husband did a couple of minor odd jobs for them like fixing a shutter or sorting out internet issues.

I think it's absolutely fair for a free holiday, I'd do it!

She should've made it clear from the start, but I think it's not much for you two to do, for a free week in a holiday home.

I wouldn't cut off my nose to spite my face. An hour a day will be ample time to have a whip around & then the rest of the day is yours.

She’s definitely using yous. Up to you to decide if it’s worth it or not

I’d say yes and go. Both of you do some dusting and ignore the garden. Tell her DH put his back out when you got there so unfortunately couldn’t manage the garden.

And I agree with the PP that said if you think it's a big ask for a free holiday, that kind of makes your the CF, not her.

It's amazing how many people expect free holidays from those who've bought a property in a holiday resort.

I don't like the way she's gone about it. I probably wouldn't go, purely because she isn't being honest about her reasons.

Meh.

A free holiday in exchange for a few hours of hard slog.

You could always work out the rental price then divide by your hourly rate to make sure you're not being done over!

E.g. £1000 rental price then £20/hour cleaning/gardening.

£1000/20 = 50 hours worth of labour.

I'd take it!

I'd make the most of this trip because whatever you do while there, she's bound to think it's not enough and you won't get this offer again.

Yes she probably is offering for that reason, but agree with your husband, it’s a small price to pay if you want a free holiday. TBH, had it been me she wouldn’t have even had to ask, I would have done all that to thank her.

No one if forcing you to go.

Yea she’s being cheeky but you’re getting a free holiday. She’s after a trade. I’d do the bare minimum and enjoy the weeks holiday

No, don't do this unless you're ok being a freeloader.

Ask her exactly what needs doing and tell her you'll do as much as you feel is reasonable.

If she has any photos of the garden, ask her to forward them to you.

I'd definitely still go. I'd dedicate one day for us to do the jobs, so a full day on the house and on the garden but other than that, I'd have a lovely holiday

Seems like a fair exchange for a free holiday

Seems like a fair deal to me! Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!

Why are people entitled enough to feel they deserve a free holiday? SIL is well within her right to say no to people asking to stay in her house, she’s paid for it.

Doing a spot of gardening is a tiny price to pay for a free holiday.

Sounds like a fair trade to me. Though I’d clarify in advance exactly how much needs doing. One day working for the rest of the week free would be worth it. Five days working for two days enjoying it would not.

I think SHE is the CF! We have a second home and we do lend it to friends and family when we aren’t there. I wouldn’t bloody dream of asking them to clean it for me! We make sure it’s cleaned before they arrive and we have it cleaned after they’ve left. I pay for both but I’m happy to. We are often left a nice card or a bottle of wine and that is plenty. I would NEVER ask people to clean for me in “exchange”.