CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

how much of your time is "airing out" the property going to take? It's literally opening a few windows, it's a complete non-chore. You could dust a whole house in less than half an hour.

Most air bnbs would expect you to do more tidying than that at the end of your stay, so yeah, for the sake of a grand plus (average cost of a home in a nice location in school holidays) it does seem petty to begrudge it.

Either do a token clean and accept she probably won't offer again if it wasn't as thorough as she expected (although tbh given she's never done so before she might not have done so anyway so no real loss), or, as pp's have said, pay a bit for a better one but you'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face to not go at all.

The house inside wouldn’t take much cleaning if no one’s been there. But I’d be concerned about the garden and how much work needs doing. Could be a long job. Or like someone else suggested, hire a gardener to do it for you. Still getting cheap holiday out of it!!
On a side note, would she know you’re taking grandkids? Could she kick up a fuss about having children in the house?

This!

I wouldn't see the cleaning as an issue. But an overgrown garden? That could take days and still not be to your sister's satisfaction.
If I was going to pay for anything, it'd be a gardener, who'd get it done a lot quicker and dispose of the grass cuttings and weeds.

A pp suggested asking for a photo of the garden so that you can establish what needs doing. Presumably she's on speaking terms with a neighbour who could send one?

I’d pull out & say you didn’t realise it was in exchange for cleaning & gardening/maintenance as you’re desperate for a break & that’s not a holiday. It’s manipulative of her imo. Yes generous to offer you a whole week of free accommodation but why not be upfront about it if that was the case? If it hasn’t been maintained esp the garden for a long time there could be all manner of issues/repairs & things needing doing clearing. Is there sufficient gardening equipment, do you have the means to transport & empty lots of garden waste & pay for it to go to the tip if there’s more than the local fortnightly (?) council green waste collection? I can imagine her calling while you’re there & asking a couple of wallls to be painted, the sink in the kitchen to be looked at, the problem in the bathroom window fixing etc etc. It won’t be a holiday & possibly fraught with hidden complications imo!

As MN say, it's an invitation, not a summons.

I think that’s really cheeky, especially when she’s never let you use it until now.

Depends a bit on how big the place is and the garden etc. A big established garden, left since last September with the recent rain and sun would have gone a bit mad.

But pretty much I agree with your H, I'd do it for the free accommodation / holiday.

I’d look on local (to the holiday home) fb pages & find a cleaner and Gardner/handyman to arrive same day as you. You help cleaner for couple of hours. Hubby help Gardner for few hours & rest of holiday is yours for not much expenditure. Alternate times of help if someone needs to look after grand kids. Don’t tell dsis or she’ll just book them herself in future 🤣

She’s using you and you’re using her.

Decide it’s worth it or not.

I have friends who own a holiday house. From what I hear, keeping it nice is quite a lot of work.

Re what you have been offered - I think I'd decide how much I could do without feeling resentful. If I could do enough without feeling like that, I'd probably go.

I'd go. Doesn't matter if she's using you or not, who cares? Most people would tidy around anyway wouldn't they?

What's the story with bedlinen, towels, utilities, and so on for you when you get there? Nail all that down. If I could source a one off gardener to do the garden I would and do a quick clean around for an hour or so and that's that done. What can she say if she expected Aggie and Kim instead (not saying you're slovenly BTW)

My brother has a property abroad. We use it every Christmas and early Summer in June. He's very generous. They have a cleaner who gets the place ready for us with bedlinen etc. We give brother/wife an amount to cover the cleaner and the utilities for our stay. That's very fair, why should he pay for OUR holidays! It also makes it easier for us to go, when both parties know neither is being mugged!

That's almost certainly why she's done it, but it's still a (virtually) free holiday.

You could always pay someone to do the garden for you while you're there?

except that's not how she phrased it according to the OP.

I'd say no but then I'd hate being manipulated like this. And in fairness I am not desperate for a holiday. If this was the only way of getting one I might suck it up (but wouldn't like it).

It isn't a free holiday. It's not like she offered you all a trip to Majorca for nothing. It is free accommodation. You are paying for your travel, food, entertainment and are also providing cleaning and heavy gardening services.

The garden has been left untended for 6 winter months. If it's a jungle you just mow the grass on a high setting, assuming she has a lawn mower there? The house will need hoovering and dusting but you wont be doing a deep clean, just leaving it better than you found it.

She's taking advantage a bit - but you are getting a free week in a home with garden that could cost you maybe £1000 for a May week if it's a reasonable sized property near the coast. If you dont expect to offer anything in exchange for that then you certainly are a CF.

Did you expect hr to go the week before and clean it up for you?

Just arrange a cleaner and a Gardner for while you’re there and pay them - should work out a lot less than hiring a cottage for a week

That is max CFery.

Tell her that you wont be cleaning or gardening but you have research deep clean and gardening companies for her and send her the details.

See how fast she rescinds the offer.

Although they probably wont have it for much longer with the second home CT increase!

Would your grandchildren enjoy it? Will it be a lovely holiday? If you think it would then I would do it. I’d see the cleaning as a small price to pay for a lovely holiday you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Arrange a cleaner to clean the house on your first day or even before you get there. It's no longer an entirely free holiday but still very cheap and you get to relax

Shame if you left a fresh fish in the fridge...

It's very cynical of her, OP. I have ex-friends who have a house in France they visit at most twice a year. They offer it to friends at this time of year, warning them that the house has been shut up for seven months and could they just attend to a long tick list of jobs, including gardening and cleaning and shopping for basic supplies. One year a couple of people went and had to deal with a dreadful rat infestation. The year we went the place was terribly damp because the roof had been leaking for months and we couldn't actually stay there. Our 'friend' wanted us to deal with roofers and builders on her behalf and we said no.

Agree with this @Showerflowers a day’s labour and the rest of the time off!

6 months worth of cleaning to do no thanks

id prob get someone else in to do it -garden will take ages and what are gc meant to do whilst all the adults are busy cleaning