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Original poster

CF or am I being ungrateful?

253 replies

Showerflowers · 12/04/2025 18:17

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

OP posts:
godmum56 · 12/04/2025 20:18

Namechangean · 12/04/2025 20:06

Doesn’t sound like she’s hiding the reason she’s offered it though? She’s specifically asked for them to do the jobs around the house already

Show quote history

oh yes she's an upfront ....well not a CF, more an entitled princess.

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 20:19

I would go and pay a cleaner to come on your last day and same with gardener if I could get a good deal £300 approx for cleaning and gardening is same price as couple nights B and B

also id be keen to be asked again so id do ( or pay for ) a good job

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 12/04/2025 20:20

It seems really odd that they'd suddenly let someone use the house after years of refusing. Maybe they just can't face the tidying up this time.

RabbitWeb6 · 12/04/2025 20:21

Yabu. Don't go then if you think its a bad deal!

I'd see it as a bargain - half a day cleaning at the beginning and end of your stay. One day on the garden. Has she asked for £ for utilities etc?

You sound resentful, but she doesn't owe you anything, let alone a free holiday.

AhBiscuits · 12/04/2025 20:21

Did you want them to pop down and clean up before giving you a free holiday?

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 20:22

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 20:19

I would go and pay a cleaner to come on your last day and same with gardener if I could get a good deal £300 approx for cleaning and gardening is same price as couple nights B and B

also id be keen to be asked again so id do ( or pay for ) a good job

300 for both? wow I'd pay that for someone to clean my house and clear my garden!!!

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 20:22

I don’t thinks she is a CF or entitled princess or any of the things she’s been called

she’s made a deal with you and asked for things to be done in exchange for something of value , if she was charging you as well that would make a CF

Edenmum2 · 12/04/2025 20:23

If she had asked you straight up that this is the trade would you have said yes?

HMW19061 · 12/04/2025 20:24

It’s probably a days work in exchange for a free holiday, seems fair enough to me. We had family with a holiday home in France, if we went we were expected to do some kind of house maintenance whilst there in exchange for the free accommodation.

viques · 12/04/2025 20:28

What a shame your OH’s back trouble returned and he only managed to cut the grass 🙂I wouldn’t do a deep clean, a quick dust and polish, and hoover or mop round. No windows, no moving furniture,no cupboard cleaning, just wash the pots you are using. I would also take my own bedding/towels so you don’t get roped into doing a massive bedding wash.

cluez · 12/04/2025 20:28

It’s been empty for 6 months, it’s not going to be dusty like a haunted house. Your husband’s got the short straw, and if he’s up for it then go for it.

sprigatito · 12/04/2025 20:28

I love gardening and am unafraid of hard work…but I’d still tell her to shit off. She’s mean-spirited and high-handed and sees herself as your superior.

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 20:29

•300 for both? wow I'd pay that for someone to clean my house and clear my garden!!!•

I suppose I’m thinking of a small cottage and tidy of the garden rather than a “clear” garden and deep clean

maybe op you need clarification about what she expects , bit of dusting and mo the the lawn or hire a skip and steam the carpets ?

you don’t want recrimination after the fact when you have flicked a cloth around and she’s pissed off thinking you’re the CF - how does she keep her house ?

AprilShowers25 · 12/04/2025 20:31

Sounds like a bad idea to me, you don’t know what state it’s going to be in and how much work is involved. It would cause a fall out if you didn’t do what she had expected. If I had days off I would rather spend it doing my own house and garden!
if I had a holiday home I would let my brother stay for free and only expect him to clean up after himself.

BunnyLake · 12/04/2025 20:31

Yes go but don’t do a deep clean or anything. Just the bare minimum like a bit of light dusting and hoovering otherwise it’s not much of a break if you’re on your hands and knees scrubbing.

TuckedUpInBedWithAPackOfCremeEggs · 12/04/2025 20:33

I’d do it, it’s a fair exchange. However I’d be absolutely clear on exactly what her expectations are so it doesn’t come back to bite either of you if there is any misunderstanding

thepariscrimefiles · 12/04/2025 20:35

She's treating you like the 'help'. She obviously thinks of you as the 'poor relations' who can't afford a holiday so should jump at the chance to do the work of a cleaner and a gardener.

bevm72yellow · 12/04/2025 20:37

I would offer money to stay. but no way would I be cleaning/ gardening. So she wins both ways if you offer cash as she can bring in Cleaner and gardener. Even if I'd family staying it costs the owner to clean for the next clients. In other words cover her costs no freeloading

Tapsthemic · 12/04/2025 20:39

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 12/04/2025 19:00

Its mutually beneficial but for avoidance of doubt she is the cheekier one here.

If it suits you I'd crack on...

However!
I'd get your dh to go back to her and say we'll need 10 days there then. 3 to air and tidy and 7 to holiday.
Or just ask for 2 weeks!

If she say no, I wouldn't go...

Edited

This

Dymaxion · 12/04/2025 20:41

I use a relatives holiday home, I always clean anyway before I leave, even though they have a cleaner who comes in, so the cleaning bit wouldn't be an issue for me.
The gardening is probably going to be the more onerous task. Is it mowing lawns or weeding/trimming hedges/sorting pots ? do they have a garden waste bin/compost heap or are you expected to do a couple of tip runs ?
Is that all you are expected to do for the free holiday ? What would worry me is a list coming in of lots of 'little' jobs that you will be expected to do.

M103 · 12/04/2025 20:44

I find her very cheeky. It would have been fine if she had asked you ' do you want to go in exchange for doing a, b and c', but she tried to hide her motivation, not nice. But you can still go irrespectively if you are up for it.

Crumpleton · 12/04/2025 20:44

We’ve never asked to stay there. This offer came out of the blue.

I'd probably not mind doing a little bit here and there, but wouldn't want a "same shit, different location" holiday.
As in spending a majority of my time doing as I do at home.

Either you or your DH should speak/message her and tell her you'd love to go and of course if you get time you'd be more than happy to do abit of weeding/housework while you're there.

Her answer will tell you if she's being a CFer or not.

MouseyBro · 12/04/2025 20:46

No, do not accept. I have a second home (near beach in Mudeford, v. nice.) I do not especially enjoy sharing as I normally just leave my stuff (and wifes) anywhere. But for family, always do share, always free, including free of obligations (nice if they take their rubbish away). The offer you have is insulting and unfriendly and sets a bad precident.

Createausername1970 · 12/04/2025 20:46

It's a free holiday.

Look on-line for cleaning companies in the area and pay for a few hours deep cleaning one day while you are there. You and DH can spend those hours in the garden. Job done in one day.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 12/04/2025 20:46

I get it @Showerflowers It would piss me off. Like what is she Lady Of The Manor and you’re the servant class? But then I have a sister who routinely treats me as an inferior so I get how frustrating that dynamic can be