CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

I don't think you're being a CF.

Nobody else was ever good enough to stay there. Now she wants to use you as free housekeeping she's willing to make an exception? If she was upfront about that then fair enough, but it's like she thinks she's better and smarter than you.

Now this could be a good idea!

I don't really see the issue. We always end up doing some kind of maintenance when we visit a family property abroad.

I painted all the window and door grills last sunset when I was there for a few weeks. It was the least I could do when I'm there for free.

It sounds like it really bugs you that the SIL didn’t let people stay in her home.

She is being cheeky but to be honest if I was staying in someone else’s home or an air bnb type of place, I’d probably give it a clean round before we went home anyway.
The gardening, fair enough is a bit cheeky but if your husband enjoys it then why not.

I am with you OP that she wants you to clean and garden and make it all lovely and there is nothing altruistic about her offer. I would probably tell them sorry - no. When I go on holiday be it cheap or expensive I want it on MY terms and not being treated like somebody's skivvy on my time thanks very much. If she had previously offered up the place, fair enough, but here she seems to be treating you like a mug. I would be telling them to fuck right off in my head.

I am just imagining the convo at their end "Oh yes - let's get Shower and DH to go down there and do all the cleaning and gardening so we don't have to be bothered with it when we go. They will be positively GRATEFUL for the opportunity!" Fuckers

We stay at PIL holiday home, which always involves all the cleaning. I'm not even sure why you have an issue TBH, she asked DH directly to do gardening and you'll hardly stay there without airing it, can you describe what you think was mis-sold as I can't see it? Do a nice job and she'll offer you a free holiday every year. Comment that the kids all did a lot, and they might get independent offers.

Do you have any idea how big the house/garden is & how much it might cost for a gardener/cleaner for some hours?

You might still be quids in.

Your paying for it on labour - seems like a win win to me- if you do a rubbish job you won’t be asked back. Day on the house, day on the garden and you get 5 days off

Maybe she is kind of using you. But I would take advantage and not go overboard with the cleaning/gardening.

It doesn’t sound like she’s asked a huge amount of you so this does sound like a bit of an overreaction on your part.

Hire a cleaner for a day while you’re out! Consider that the cost of the holiday…..

Go, arrange for a cleaner and gardener. Will still be less than full holiday cost and you get to have a holiday and not clean. Don’t tell her you subcontracted ;)

leave it sparkling and you will be invited to help/holiday next year

win/win

Snap 😂

Could she not just think that everyone wins, she must know you can’t afford to do something similar and so you get a free holiday and she gets the house aired out before she gets there.

Sounds like maybe she’s not someone you particularly like?

Others have already said this but I’ll add my two pence. It’s a cheeky request from her but a small price to pay for a free holiday rental.

I don’t know which area this place is in but if budget allows then potentially it may be an idea for you to hire a cleaner for a few hours to help with this ‘sprucing’. (Sorry if someone already suggested this, I will admit to not reading every reply)

I'm not sure what I would do but a house that has been unoccupied for 6 months is going to require more than a quick clean, so how many days of your holiday are you prepared to spend cleaning?

I'd be tempted to cancel the week you're due to go due to illness and then when she's done her week say you're feeling better and ask to reschedule... won't be a problem if its empty anyway?! 😆 How can she say no without making it obvious!? Worthnit for the lols.

If I couldn’t afford it otherwise, I would be pretty grateful. Actually I can afford holidays and if I got this offer I’d still jump at the chance.

Doesn’t sound like she’s hiding the reason she’s offered it though? She’s specifically asked for them to do the jobs around the house already

For a seven day holiday, the best part of one day tidying up the garden doesn’t sound like the end of the world.

this I think. I get the feeling that if she could have got a cleaner and a gardener, you wouldn't have got a look in.

This. Also I am a gardener. Unless the garden is tiny and completely paved, that's gonna be hard labour...and then there is the garden waste disposal.

have you tidied up a garden that has been left for six months?