CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

I’m saying YANBU due to her offering it as a free holiday then slipping in the cleaning and gardening.

But as others say, if you can’t afford a holiday I’d suck it up. But I wouldn’t go hard out. I’d give your rooms a good dust and hoover, kitchen and living rooms a once over and the garden a bit of a weed and mow but that’s it. No more than half a days clean up. I’d obviously leave all the rooms you use clean and tidy.

I’d simply go on Housekeep app and pay someone to clean for me then sit back and enjoy my holiday.

On principle (& being sneaky) & never offering it to you before, it would piss me off and Id not want to go 🤣🥴

But looking at the bigger picture, if she hired a cleaner for your arrival, you would still clean the house before leaving anyway wouldn't you? You’d never just leave it messy, so regardless you’d be cleaning whilst there.

I would be cutting my nose off.

This is why I love hotel holidays, my hubs has a holiday home when we met and the cleaning and maintenance drove me insane gets to holiday destination, clean whilst jet lagged, clean all holiday, clean before we came home. Ugh. It is not the life for me 🤣

I'd do exactly the same.

Not ungrateful. She’s being a real CF, BUT you also get a holiday out of it. You could make a light joke of it so she knows you’re aware of what’s going on here. I say don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Do a half hearted job and enjoy your hol.

In a nutshell.

Ask if you can stay for two weeks to make it worth your while.

Haven't read all comments, so this may have been mentioned - but why not pay for a cleaner for a few hours?! Still a tiny fraction of the cost of a holiday and saves you the effort 😅

I had the exact same situation. A friend of mine was working in Europe and part of the package was a beautiful flat with a garden. She was going on holiday and offered us her flat for a week if DH trimmed the hedges, cut the grass and got rid or the garden waste.

DH got in to it the moment we arrived whilst I unpacked and sorted the kids out. It took an afternoon and we could enjoy the rest of the week. We had a great time and we were very grateful for he offer.

Stop reading too much in to it. Accept a holiday for your family for a bit of 'housekeeping' - it's a bargain.

Maybe go, have a great time, do the bare minimum and expect to never be invited again

Thing is, it doesn’t sound like a holiday to me. You clean when you arrive, you run around cleaning whilst you’re there as you have the grandchildren, DH spends his time doing the garden, you clean when you leave.

Not for me.

Maybe she is using you but a few hours work is surely worth it vs the cost of what you’d have to pay to rent such a place for a holiday?

Well you're both getting something out of it?
Is a few hours, even a day cleaning worth the holiday?

Fair enough if she doesn't want anyone to stay there. Also given she's rich, is she cheap? It does sound as if you are there to tidy, is it worth the free holiday for you? If so, go. If not, don't.

I think she is being the CF. How big is the garden and house? How much of your ‘free’ week would it take and what would the grandchildren do whilst you are both busy?

Personally I wouldn’t be going as it’s not a free holiday as such, it’s going cost either your time or you paying someone else to do it.

I’m really absolutely not entitled.

i just think that if you offer something that’s essentially a gift, then you don’t attach conditions.

Could u pay a cleaner/ gardener to go for half a day and get most of the jobs done? Would cost a lot less than a holiday, everyones happy!

I'm in the fair trade department. It will take a few hours to clean and do the garden. Considering the cost of a UK break these days, it's a small price to pay.

Book a cleaner and gardener for a couple of hours. Holiday becomes just super low cost instead of free and you haven’t been used by her.

seems like a win win

We actually tend to do this for our parents when we stay at their holiday house but it's maintained well anyway so not a big job

I’ll do it! Single mum with not a penny to my name and can’t even afford a weekend at Haven! I’ll mow a lawn and do a bit of dead-heading in return for a week’s holiday.

I like the idea of paying for someone to clean! I would go, and if not paying a cleaner would do maybe an hour a day, not more. Then leave her a note saying how much you’ve done, keep a copy of it. That’s a fair amount, would have been rude to expect more. It’s up to dh what he does, but you’re relaxing.

I can’t imagine having a holiday home and my friends and family not being able to stay regularly.

I think it does a bit. I mean not even her own parents. But I suppose that if you let one person then everyone starts asking don’t they. I’d not like that myself. But yes it’s hers and it’s up to her totally

if the garden has been untouched for six months, it'll be more than a bit of deadheading.......

If it’s been shut up since September it won’t be THAT bad. Yes the garden may need work with mowing, hedges cut but apart from a hoover and dust it can’t have got that bad inside surely. I’d go.