CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

Nope - she is the CF. It’s not a free holiday if you are expected to clean and do gardening. If she’s that rich, she needs to employ a maintenance and cleaning team. Cheeky mare.

You were willing to pay to go... so this is a fee which costs only your time. Win win. Or organise a local cleaner and gardener and pay tgem yourself.
I think you'll agree its cheaper and easier to just roll up your sleeves. Set a time limit. 1 day. Ask for more time there so you get at least a weeks holiday...

Bear in mind OP, that you will also be using her water, electric, and gas if she has it in the property for your holiday, plus bedding, china, etc., which presumably as she offered you a 'free' holiday, she won't be charging you for. Why not try searching to see how much a holiday let similar to hers would cost you for the week you're planning to go, maybe that will put it in perspective for you.

We used to own our own place abroad, and didn't let anyone else use it, because we didn't want it spoiled by people who unless they're paying, don't tend to take as much care, as when they stand to lose a deposit or whatever. We also didn't want the pool messed up by people who didn't know what they were doing. If you want a holiday home, it's up to you to fund it, in my opinion.

You actually sound really entitled, if I'm honest.

Don’t go then.

You sound like you think she owes you a free stay in her home.

If you’re wondering who is the CF, it’s you.

I’d do it too for a free holiday, it’s probably going to take you a day to clean the house and DH to do some gardening, then the rest of the week you can relax and enjoy the holiday.

You're being offered a virtually free holiday for a small amount of effort. I think you're being a CF to find her request unreasonable!

Yeah I’d do this too. Just enjoy it after a few hours dusting and hoovering.

Pretty tight fisted of her to not allow family to use it at other times. We have a holiday home and family can always use it when we’re not there

Yes she is a cf but if probably still agree, although I'd maybe try to bargain 2 weeks instead of the 1.

I’d do it, hands down, but I’d rather SIL was upfront at that being the reason she wants you there. But then again it sounds like she kind of was to your DH.

Simply by staying there, you'd do a lot of what she wants for your own benefit and if you hadn't over-thought things, it wouldn't seem like 'work'. In any holiday situation, you'd open the windows/doors, use everything once and generally 'air it out'.

She's not charging you but she's not paying you either so you could do as little as you liked. Some light dusting/cobweb vacuuming over a week shouldn't be too bad.

Decades ago, my GPs owned a beach house. DGrandma used to offer the beach house to her DD, my DAunt, for an occasional weekend but she would give DAunt a list of chores like defrosting the fridge and freezer and mopping and things.

Its mutually beneficial but for avoidance of doubt she is the cheekier one here.

If it suits you I'd crack on...

However!
I'd get your dh to go back to her and say we'll need 10 days there then. 3 to air and tidy and 7 to holiday.
Or just ask for 2 weeks!

If she say no, I wouldn't go...

So what will happen if you don't do what she expects?

She won't invite you again??

You see this is one of the reasons I never understood buying a second or holiday house. My parents thought about it in the late 60s/early 70s, thank goodness they didn't act on it, otherwise we would not have had all the wonderful holidays in Europe.
Either you live somewhere or you go away somewhere that you would like to get to know/explore.
By the same token I never understand people renting villas, where it is the same old, same old only, possibly, abroad. You still have to shop and cook. What is the point?
No objections to people buying second houses as an investment/pension, so long as they are maintained properly (and this should be subject to legislation as is the norm in Europe), but a total waste and bad for the local community to buy somewhere that you only use for - let's be generous - 2 to 6 weeks a year.
Yes, your SIL is probably expecting you to provide the services of a cleaner/gardener. Bill her for your time and any materials required.

You can hardly complain when you’re getting a free break.

This

It's a bit cheeky but I would say 1 day of your holiday spent on cleaning & maintenance and then relax the rest of the time.

You can get a lot done in 8 hours.

But before you and grandkids can stay comfortably you'd have to give it a bit of a clean anyway , like bathrooms and kitchen if it's been left . Unless it's a huge garden or house , seems fair exchange to me.

I'm torn. On one hand, I think your husband's right about the 'small price to pay'.

On the other hand, I think I'd resent being treated like the hired help. Plus you can be sure she'll find something to moan about - a couple of weeds that get missed, dust in some obscure corner, cushions out of place etc etc.

If you can get past that, by all means go and have a lovely time with your grandchildren.

Yes this is how I feel. If she had just been honest I’d be going. It feels sneaky. But I suppose we are getting a free holiday.

when she last went she hadn’t been for six months previously so the garden was a complete overgrown mess which she said took two full days to sort. But that’s dh job anyway tbf.

How long does it take to clean a house? You could probably zoom around a get it done in a day, even half a day. That would leave you 6 days to enjoy.

I agree with your DH. A very small price to pay.

She is a CF but if I were you I'd just pay someone to come in and clean for a couple of hours and then enjoy my holiday.

Well in all these years she’s never invited anyone at all. Not even her parents. Strictly no one to even ask. Which is up to them. It’s theirs and they’ve worked hard for it.

I feel like they think we are just desperate enough to put up with the work to get it suitable for them and make their stay more enjoyable.

it just doesn’t sit right with me.

but I’m probably cutting my nose of to spite my face.

and as a previous poster said I’m probably being the CF as I’m the one getting a free holiday lol.

She’s treating you like paupers. I bet she wouldn’t let good friends arrive to her house covered in months of dust, but you guys are okay, you’ll take what you can get and put in some work for it. Feels off.

We’ve never asked to stay there. This offer came out of the blue.

If you paid a cleaning company to come in and give it a good once over on your first day, it would still probably cost you a lot less than a week's stay somewhere comparable.