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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To back out of weekend away

247 replies

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:11

A friend is organizing a weekend away for a group of us, we're staying in an air b n b which is all fine however ive just checked the listing and there are not enough beds for us all to go. She's said about sleeping on the sofa or 3 of us sharing one of the beds, I really dont like this idea especially as she expects us all to pay the same. Everyone will be sharing double beds but even so someone will be on the sofa yet all paying the same, am i wrong to back out of going?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/04/2025 14:52

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 12:06

Thanks for all your responses, I've spoken to another friend who feels the same way, we've offered to book into a hotel up the road together (which actually works out cheaper) and used the line that everyone who is paying for air b n b deserves a bed so they can sort the rooms out now to what suits them. So relieved now! The booker hasn't said much just to suit ourselves!

Well done OP. This sounds good solution.

Of course she’s said “suit yourselves” - she was hoping for more people than could fit in the air bnb to bring the costs down, relying on the idea that no one would expect her to sleep on the sofa as the one who so kindly organised it!

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 15:20

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 12:06

Thanks for all your responses, I've spoken to another friend who feels the same way, we've offered to book into a hotel up the road together (which actually works out cheaper) and used the line that everyone who is paying for air b n b deserves a bed so they can sort the rooms out now to what suits them. So relieved now! The booker hasn't said much just to suit ourselves!

Excellent outcome @Calmdownandcarryon

CaptainFuture · 12/04/2025 15:24

Great outcome!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 12/04/2025 15:53

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 09:43

but the unfairness is on the organiser who didn't book a big enough place or canvas opinions before booking a bedshare. I bet the OP isn't the only one who pulls out.

You don't know what was discussed before. I think unless people make the effort to find out what has been arranged or what is going to be booked re-sleeping arrangements/ rooms etc it's unfair to blame the organiser who might be perfectly happy with that type of arrangement. You don't know if the organiser asked them all if they were happy to share beds or not. Whether she stipulated, they would only be 2 to a bed or not.

Don't blame the one who has taken on the head of booking a suitable place that everybody is happy with, but didn't speak up beforehand to say what there Needs were.

Cornishclio · 12/04/2025 16:57

If the accommodation wasn’t known before you accepted then I would just say that although the dates are ok you don’t want to share a bed or sleep on a sofa so won’t be going. It isn’t difficult. Friend should have checked it was ok before booking.

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 17:10

SpringIsSpringing25 · 12/04/2025 15:53

You don't know what was discussed before. I think unless people make the effort to find out what has been arranged or what is going to be booked re-sleeping arrangements/ rooms etc it's unfair to blame the organiser who might be perfectly happy with that type of arrangement. You don't know if the organiser asked them all if they were happy to share beds or not. Whether she stipulated, they would only be 2 to a bed or not.

Don't blame the one who has taken on the head of booking a suitable place that everybody is happy with, but didn't speak up beforehand to say what there Needs were.

I’m sorry but as everyone is paying their share, the organiser should have asked first if everyone was happy with the choice.

Otherwise you can be sure you’ll end up with ‘problems’ because Beth and Margaret dint want to share the same room and Justine can’t cope with a Bath rather than a shower.

BexAubs20 · 13/04/2025 17:05

I think you will find it goes against the hosts policy too and if they have a ring doorbell for eg they will count people going in and could terminate your stay meaning you wouldn’t even have a sofa to sleep on! Cancel if you don’t want to go, or if you do, book somewhere else close by and explain why!

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/04/2025 17:23

Not being unreasonable to back out, but on a personal note, I’d be quite happy on the sofa. I’d prefer that to sharing a room, let alone a bed with someone else.

EmpressaurusKitty · 13/04/2025 17:25

BexAubs20 · 13/04/2025 17:05

I think you will find it goes against the hosts policy too and if they have a ring doorbell for eg they will count people going in and could terminate your stay meaning you wouldn’t even have a sofa to sleep on! Cancel if you don’t want to go, or if you do, book somewhere else close by and explain why!

Yes, she’s done that.

Susidoo1 · 13/04/2025 17:53

I think it's always best to be honest, if she doesn't like it or takes the huff then tough luck, she should have planned better!! You never know she might offer to take the sofa herself x

StripyHorse · 13/04/2025 17:58

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:23

Thanks wasn't sure if I was being a diva!
Yes I feel I would end up sleeping on the sofa/sharing with two others based on previous events.
What do I say now to get out of it? She checked dates everyone was free before booking, do I come up with a clashing event or just say I dont fancy it and deal with the fallout?

I think I would be honest about the sleeping arrangements being the reason - that way it is harder to force you to pay your share (whereas a clashing event when you have said you are free leaves you open to that).

Dogsbreath7 · 13/04/2025 18:12

arcticpandas · 12/04/2025 09:16

I'm too old to share beds so I would definitely back out.

I’m too old to share a room.

Motheroffive999 · 13/04/2025 18:14

I wouldn't go no.

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2025 18:20

No you are not at all unreasonable. I wouldn't go in those circumstances.

LilacPony · 13/04/2025 18:27

I could only share a bed with my closest friend, I wouldn’t share a bed with anyone else. And I’d be happy to say that; sorry I can’t risk being the one sleeping on the sofa or sleeping 3 to a bed, I won’t be able to get any sleep and won’t enjoy the day times. I’ll drop out so there’ll be more adequate sleep space for everyone else.

ILoveMyCaravan · 13/04/2025 18:28

I don’t suppose the Airbnb host will be too impressed with the overcrowding either…

BigHeadBertha · 13/04/2025 18:33

I wouldn't like those arrangements either. She should have asked before booking it. And, as others have mentioned, you'd probably all be at risk of getting kicked out anyway. Then again, you and the others could also have told her your minimum requirements before you agreed to let her organize it (if you did agree to that), so depending on how all this happened, I wouldn't say you're automatically out of any responsibility at all for it.

At this stage of my life, I would definitely want my own bedroom, and also no one sleeping in the common area because that restricts everyone else. For example some people might want to stay up late or get up early to have breakfast/watch TV etc. And they'd be waking up the couch sleeper. And three adults to a bed would also be too much for me, even if it's king-sized.

Furthermore, if there are more than three people, I'd want at least an extra half bath.

All that said, many people don't have a lot of experience booking things for a group and mistakes are common. To agree to go, accept her making the arrangements (if you did), then booking your own accommodations (and taking another person in the group with you), you've left her and whoever else is staying in the rental in a mess, without giving her a chance to try to correct her mistake. If she's stuck with the reservation she made, one or more people will have to pay for your and the other lady's shares now, which I could see them not appreciating. It also won't be the same kind of group trip, with two people staying elsewhere. Why didn't you at least speak to her before making other plans? Or do you mean you and the other gal intend to pay for both places now?

From her response, "Suit yourselves," it doesn't sound like she's happy with your reaction, either. I'd consider just bowing out completely at this point because after her actions and your and the other woman's reaction, I could see it being a sour trip.

HelenaTranscart · 13/04/2025 18:34

Sounds horrendous and there's also the risk of you all getting turfed out of the airbnb for over occupancy if the host finds out.

lovemycbf · 13/04/2025 18:38

No I wouldn’t be going!!I like my own space in bed and definitely don’t want to share with a friend

laraitopbanana · 13/04/2025 18:39

Well if the issue is paying the same, it is crap.

If the issue is sharing a bed with someone you don’t know, yeah cancel.

Don’t overthink it otherwise, go and have fun!

Laura95167 · 13/04/2025 18:41

It's not reasonable to a. Book somewhere without enough beds (I'm ok sharing a double with a friend but not 2 friends), b. If you can't find somewhere with enough beds expect someone on the sofa to pay the same as someone with a room.

Absolutely don't go

MounjaroOnMyMind · 13/04/2025 18:41

That's a great solution. She'll be annoyed as she was planning to split the cost between more people. I bet she'd earmarked her own bed!

LarkspurLane · 13/04/2025 18:48

SpringIsSpringing25 · 12/04/2025 15:53

You don't know what was discussed before. I think unless people make the effort to find out what has been arranged or what is going to be booked re-sleeping arrangements/ rooms etc it's unfair to blame the organiser who might be perfectly happy with that type of arrangement. You don't know if the organiser asked them all if they were happy to share beds or not. Whether she stipulated, they would only be 2 to a bed or not.

Don't blame the one who has taken on the head of booking a suitable place that everybody is happy with, but didn't speak up beforehand to say what there Needs were.

I wouldn't expect to have to say my "needs" were not sharing a bed with two other people - however, for any future trips with friends, I'll be sure to say that up front.

Freud2 · 13/04/2025 18:52

Just be honest and say you've had second thoughts as you're too old to share a bed /room.
I can't think of anything worse - I don't even like sharing with my husband!

EmpressaurusKitty · 13/04/2025 19:06

If people read all the OP’s posts they’ll see she’s solved the problem.