Page 6 | To back out of weekend away

Calmdownandcarryon · 2025-04-12T08:11:25+00:00

A friend is organizing a weekend away for a group of us, we're staying in an air b n b which is all fine however ive just checked the listing and there are not enough beds for us all to go. She's said about sleeping on the sofa or 3 of us sharing one of the beds, I really dont like this idea especially as she expects us all to pay the same. Everyone will be sharing double beds but even so someone will be on the sofa yet all paying the same, am i wrong to back out of going?

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 11:12

CorvusPurpureus · 12/04/2025 10:58

'Sorry guys - much as I love you all, I don't want to share beds. Some of are going to be snoring, wanting to read in bed, going to the loo...we won't get a proper night's sleep. Plus if the owner finds out, they can kick us out for over occupancy.

Can we look for somewhere else? If not I'm happy to be the one to take one for the team & drop out this time 😊'.

as an alternative, is it in a location where you could find a hotel room & join in the day & evening activities?

Also, how skint is the group?

It may be that some are maxxing out their budget & can only go if the accommodation is kept as cheap as possible. If you know this is likely to be the case, you might be able to suggest that the costs are split with a cheaper rate for 3-in-a-bed or on the sofa - those wanting a cheaper break can then opt for the sardine options & those wanting a proper bed space can opt for that?

If you know that everyone can afford decent accommodation, it's likely that other group members will agree that you all need to book elsewhere.

I'd start the convo on the group chat & see what happens. The absolute worst case scenario is that everyone else says they're happy with the arrangements, & then you're no worse off - you can just say you have insomnia/a bad back/snore & drop out politely, which is what you want to do anyway.

I think that is getting way too involved.....no need for all the what iffs and suggestions. All you need to say is that its something you won't do.

AnticleaAndLaertes · 12/04/2025 11:14

Loopytiles · 12/04/2025 09:21

Very awkward, but presumably if your friend booked it without first getting money and firm commitment from all attendees to pay £X costs even if you later don’t attend, it’s her financial risk.

If you agreed without her having shared details, then you’d need to stump up your share even if you don’t go.

No i disagree

If I'm going away with friends the logical assumption is at the very least your own bed, and for me, my own room.

Rightsraptor · 12/04/2025 11:14

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:23

Thanks wasn't sure if I was being a diva!
Yes I feel I would end up sleeping on the sofa/sharing with two others based on previous events.
What do I say now to get out of it? She checked dates everyone was free before booking, do I come up with a clashing event or just say I dont fancy it and deal with the fallout?

But your friend has introduced a factor that you hadn't known about before, and it's a big factor. So I'd tell her the truth (it might stop her doing it again).

There no way I'd ever share a room, still less a bed, with someone I wasn't very close to and pay for the privilege.

It's one of the lessons I've learned from MN - state your terms at the outset.

AnticleaAndLaertes · 12/04/2025 11:16

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:33

I committed to going on the dates before the air b n b was booked, this is not what I would have chosen and now I definitely dont want to go but don't know how to get out of it

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You tell: no, I'm not coming as there are not enough rooms/beds.

Happy still come if you can find somewhere else with rooms/beds

TheWayTheLightFalls · 12/04/2025 11:23

Someone may have mentioned - usually airbnb listings specify a maximum number of occupants. This would be against their rules. You may all care, or not.

Brefugee · 12/04/2025 11:24

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:33

I committed to going on the dates before the air b n b was booked, this is not what I would have chosen and now I definitely dont want to go but don't know how to get out of it

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you use precisely those words: i agreed on the basis that i would at least be guaranteed my own bed, which is usual for these things.

Additionally i am not going to pay so much to end up sleeping on a sofa or sharing.

Then if you want to go you suggest you book properly - and not risk Air BnB turning you away because the accommodation is only for 2 people and you turn up with 6.

And next time: when someone says they will book, make sure the group all agree before hand that everyone at least gets their own bed.

GreenSkyes · 12/04/2025 11:24

I'd just say, I've checked there aren't enough beds, I wasn't aware of this when agreeing to dates. I'm not going to be joing you there but will book nearby or hope you all go have a lovely trip. (Depending on what you want to do)

If you still want to go, book somewhere for yourself nearby. I lovey friends but I need my own space.

WhiteRosesAndCandles · 12/04/2025 11:25

Just say that there aren't enough beds for people to sleep comfortably so you won't be going. Hope they have a wonderful time.

I would call or speak to them face to face. I am not sleeping on a sofa, never mind face to face.

Did you all agree a budget? Is booking a second AirBnB an option?

CoastalCalm · 12/04/2025 11:27

Nope I don’t even share a bed with my husband and struggle to sleep so no way I’d contemplate going in those circumstances

RisingSunn · 12/04/2025 11:40

You get out of it by saying you are not up for sharing, and if you had known there were not enough rooms - you would not have committed to the trip.

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 11:41

@Calmdownandcarryon how was the booking done?
As in have the irganised booked it and told everyone that she has sorted accommodation? Or did you have the opportunity to agree to the organiser choice before hard?

Because I’m wondering if others have realised someone is going to sleep in the sofa for example…..

Tbh if one of you, usually you, ends up on the sofa, I’d review going with them. Pretty rude in my books.
And YY to just letting them know why. Something like
’Look I’m sorry but I am not able to come to the weekend. There isn’t enough space for each of us to have a bed and I’m not doing that anymore’.

Didntask · 12/04/2025 11:41

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:33

I committed to going on the dates before the air b n b was booked, this is not what I would have chosen and now I definitely dont want to go but don't know how to get out of it

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Just tell the truth! It's not appropriate accommodation. I'll share a king-size with a friend, no problem. But no more than 2 in a bed, and certainly not on a sofa. These arrangements should've been made clear before the property was booked. My other question would be how many bathrooms are there?? I shared with my bestie on a long weekend with 8 of us in total - but there were 4 king-size rooms, all ensuite. That's reasonable.

Swiftie1878 · 12/04/2025 11:42

I wouldn’t back out. I’d book an alternative place with enough beds!

MrsAga · 12/04/2025 11:50

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:33

I committed to going on the dates before the air b n b was booked, this is not what I would have chosen and now I definitely dont want to go but don't know how to get out of it

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”as there aren’t enough beds in the air b&b , I’m happy to be the one to drop out so those going all get a bed. Have a fab time, see you soon”

Beachcomber74 · 12/04/2025 11:51

If it’s Airbnb you can cancel free of charge if it’s not like next weekend. Otherwise hell no way.

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 11:51

Swiftie1878 · 12/04/2025 11:42

I wouldn’t back out. I’d book an alternative place with enough beds!

why should the OP get involved in sorting out the booker's fuck up?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 12/04/2025 11:52

Not enough beds also means not enough bedding and towels too. So some of you will need to lug these around too. Let's hope nobody is coming on public transport.

I bet if you say something then others will also follow suit

CorvusPurpureus · 12/04/2025 11:53

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 11:12

I think that is getting way too involved.....no need for all the what iffs and suggestions. All you need to say is that its something you won't do.

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Yes, 'sorry not for me' also works!

But I'm getting the vibe that OP is either a bit scared of a Queen Bee organiser, or anxious about her status within the group, so might prefer to be seen to be being helpful rather than bluntly assertive.

If she was happy just to tell them she wasn't going - which I agree is probably healthiest if they aren't nice reasonable people who'd be fine for her just to speak up for herself - she'd have done that already.

& if it's not a situation like that, well, if they were a long term group of friends of mine, I'd probably be looking at it from a POV of 'can this be fixed' rather than 'oh well sod the lot of you then'. My gang have regularly done similar weekends where we've costed it up by the room, & some people have chosen to compromise on space/comfort/privacy, whilst others (me) have happily paid more for our own room.

Toptotoe · 12/04/2025 11:53

Calmdownandcarryon · 12/04/2025 09:23

Thanks wasn't sure if I was being a diva!
Yes I feel I would end up sleeping on the sofa/sharing with two others based on previous events.
What do I say now to get out of it? She checked dates everyone was free before booking, do I come up with a clashing event or just say I dont fancy it and deal with the fallout?

Tell her the truth- you are not happy to spend the night on a sofa or be 3 in a bed and had you realised that was going to be the arrangement you would not have agreed to the trip.

Gingernaut · 12/04/2025 11:55

I refuse to book Air B&B on a point of principle, but no, YADNBU

I would certainly not go anywhere I would have to share a bed with anyone or use a couch or sleeping bag

IDC if I've known these people for years, either book a place with more beds and bathrooms or go to a hotel

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 11:57

CorvusPurpureus · 12/04/2025 11:53

Yes, 'sorry not for me' also works!

But I'm getting the vibe that OP is either a bit scared of a Queen Bee organiser, or anxious about her status within the group, so might prefer to be seen to be being helpful rather than bluntly assertive.

If she was happy just to tell them she wasn't going - which I agree is probably healthiest if they aren't nice reasonable people who'd be fine for her just to speak up for herself - she'd have done that already.

& if it's not a situation like that, well, if they were a long term group of friends of mine, I'd probably be looking at it from a POV of 'can this be fixed' rather than 'oh well sod the lot of you then'. My gang have regularly done similar weekends where we've costed it up by the room, & some people have chosen to compromise on space/comfort/privacy, whilst others (me) have happily paid more for our own room.

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then its a double bonus.She gets out of doing something she doesn't want to do and develops her assertiveness as well.

Swiftie1878 · 12/04/2025 11:58

godmum56 · 12/04/2025 11:51

why should the OP get involved in sorting out the booker's fuck up?

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Because she’s the one unhappy about it, and it’s so easy to do?

Poonu · 12/04/2025 11:58

Omg you're a bunch of friends. Just say you went a place on a bed. What's the big deal?

Bigfish51 · 12/04/2025 11:59

Tell them you’ve got scabies and as there aren’t enough beds anyway best you not go!

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 11:59

CorvusPurpureus · 12/04/2025 11:53

Yes, 'sorry not for me' also works!

But I'm getting the vibe that OP is either a bit scared of a Queen Bee organiser, or anxious about her status within the group, so might prefer to be seen to be being helpful rather than bluntly assertive.

If she was happy just to tell them she wasn't going - which I agree is probably healthiest if they aren't nice reasonable people who'd be fine for her just to speak up for herself - she'd have done that already.

& if it's not a situation like that, well, if they were a long term group of friends of mine, I'd probably be looking at it from a POV of 'can this be fixed' rather than 'oh well sod the lot of you then'. My gang have regularly done similar weekends where we've costed it up by the room, & some people have chosen to compromise on space/comfort/privacy, whilst others (me) have happily paid more for our own room.

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I think the difference with you agd your friends is that it’s something you’ve discussed. I would do the same with my own close friends.

But if the OP had to go agd check the listing, then this means she wasn’t part of the decision process. Which is an issue to start with imo.