To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

I have a 20yo DD, maybe it’s just the (largely sensible!) crowd that she hangs out with but drugs don’t seem to be as common as they were in the 90s/early 00s. Weed is fairly typical and I’ve heard of poppers being used but nothing other than that.

I’d be surprised if DD tried anything more than weed and doubt that she would to be honest as she’s quite critical of any of her peers who do ‘hard’ drugs. She’s quite risk averse and doesn’t like feeling out of control so I can’t imagine drugs being her cup of tea.. it took until last year for her to go on a ‘proper’ night out so I think we’re safe enough🙈

None of my kids, or grandkids have ever used drugs.

I grew up around a lot of drug use but I don't live within that kind of lifestyle any more. I hope that when they get to that age, my children will understand the risks and wider issues around drug use and that they will make wise choices. I would never say never, but equally I'm not just expecting them to do it, no. Time will tell.

Waiting patiently for the "100% no not my child ever have ever will I know them" brigade

My mother would say the same. She would be very wrong.

None of us know our children enough to say anywhere near 100%

Oops here she is

I was a teenager in 2010+ and I have never tried any form of drugs.

I heard of a guy in our area taking an extract tablet and dropping dead and that put me off for life

I have never taken drugs. DH has never taken drugs. DC have never taken drugs that I know of. I guess you won't believe us, but I cant do anything about that!

We are immigrants and life is hard enough climbing the ladder without that. We have a high expectations culture.

I dont think drugs or drink or smokng have to be a right of passage, personally. I expect people think I am a prude but I would rather that than condone my DCs drug use.

I took drugs as a teen and in my early twenties, my mum would have sworn I’d never touched them and didn’t believe it until she actually had evidence - even then she tried to convince herself she was mistaken.

In my area cocaine is rife, most teens take it but don’t drink much alcohol. I think you’d have to be very naive and trusting to think everyone else’s kids take it but not your own.

When I was growing up drugs were less harmful with weaker cannabis and the trend for pills at a club and not coke on every night out - even just sitting in a pub or at a friends. The worst drugs I remember taking were the amount of alcohol we drank.
Now with the growing trend for coke it’s more addictive, expensive and makes people into arseholes.

I stopped taking recreational drugs when I grew out of them, alcohol was a different matter. It’s so normalised I was heading towards having a problem but luckily saw the warning signs. There isn’t the same stigma with drinking and it’s seen as acceptable, I still drink alcohol but no longer convince myself that a couple of glasses every day to destress is normal, I stick to the recommended units.

I have found young people drink much less now, that’s definitely a good thing, alcohol is the most damaging drug of all, it’s not something people grow out of and destroys so many lives and yet it’s freely available and classed as acceptable, I’ve never understood that!

Alcohol.isnt acceptable to me either. I don't drink and neither does DH.

I am about 99% sure my kids dont take drugs. Guess I am stupid. Just like all the women who think their husbands are faithful?

My parents worried about me taking drugs as there was a lot in my uni. I never did.

That you know of.

I worry about alcohol and drugs. So far my 17 year old is more into health and fitness.
Also we all smoked as kids but teenagers now don't. So no gateway from cigarette to weed. I hope my kids stay away from it all. The mental health issues in my peers are huge. Did they do drugs because of the mental health issues or did the MH issues appear because of weed?
Skunk today is on another level. The things drugs are cut with is very very scary. I just hope my kids male better choices. Fortunately there dad has never tried anything ever. I let him lead all these conversations.

So all.kids take drugs and drink then? No one ever opts out? What about Muslim kids?

I was just saying to my husband that I feel the current generation of teens seem to be far more risk averse than we were. Even attitudes to alcohol seem to have changed. My SC seem almost petrified of anything that may bring them harm and it is possible that helicopter parenting has made them hyper alert.

I smoked a bit of weed but never took any other drugs, neither did my friends. I suspect my eldest (31) has tried drugs, nothing major but I doubt my younger two have (20 and 17). Well I know my youngest hasn’t, and very much doubt 20yr old.

I think the sensible kids today are more considered and cautious than the 'sensible' kids in the 90s. The reckless kids are just as risk taking as our lot ever were. But the sensible and reckless kids are like oil and water and build their own sense of normal from within their own bubble.

I was a teenager / in my early 20s in the 90s. I tried weed a few times but nothing more than that, even though most of my friends did. As far as I know, my teenage kids haven't even tried that (although I do recognise that I might not lnow). I don't think it's inevitable OP.

@LobeliaBaggins I don't see what that has to do with anything. I knew lots of Muslim kids growing up and I'd say that 30% of them smoked weed and drank alcohol. Very similar to the % of non Muslim kids that did those things around here.

I think parents are very naive to believe that their child has never had a drag of a spliff. Drugs are everywhere and teenagers are good at keeping secrets. Didn't you all keep things from your mum and dad?

I hope my dgd will not feel the need for drugs to have a good time

A drag is different from taking drugs. I tried smoking for about 30 seconds at 16.Wouldn't call myself a smoker.

Personally, I find this culture of low expectations very depressing.

The term is “Rite of passage”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rite_of_passage

Reading someone their last rites when they’re dying means it’s the last milestone they’ll experience.

You are absolutely right!

@LobeliaBaggins it's very depressing , yes.
A drag is a drag , but what we're talking about here is kids trying things.

As an adult I'm teetotal and gave up cigarettes years ago. But when I was young I smoked weed and the boys we bought it from were Muslim. The girls were more careful , they seemed to get away with less and had curfews and were more respectful of their parents rules. But a lot of my female Muslim friends tried drugs and alcohol too. Perhaps this is typical of the area I grew up in but I saw what I saw.

Neither Dh and I have ever. Pretty sure dd1 hasn’t. Not sure about dd2. She’s a party girl and says there are lots of drugs at the parties but it’s not her thing.

I thing it’s pretty naive to say no child or grandchild if yours ever has! How on earth do you know that! Reminds me of my friends 8 year old adamantly telling me that her parents had never had sex after being taught the basics at school that day 😀

I did drugs, dp did drugs, my parents definitely did drugs pre children. I know my grandad insisted on trying cannabis to “see what the fuss was about” and said he felt nothing, then went to sleep for 5 hours. A lot of people I’ve met who I’d have thought were far too sensible have done drugs. I don’t want it for my kids, but I would rather open and honest communication about it with a focus on harm reduction and knowing your legal rights (ie: if god forbid you get arrested, don’t tell me what you’ve done in the phone call, just tell me where you are and ask for a lawyer).

I suppose in the same way none of us know for sure if our husbands have been faithful, but we are pretty sure?