To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

Yeh it’s definitely not the same. Also you have a mutually agreed “contract”/ understanding with your partner. It’s an entirely different thing when it comes to a parenting - child relationship.

I didn’t touch a hard drug until I was 26 and then I did it socially for about 6 months but absolutely hated the come down and never touched anything again after that brief period. I think it’s definitely a conversation worth having, as I even surprised myself! I’ve had quite a few friends dependant on drugs and it’s devastating to watch. I’d much prefer if my kids never did, for fear they might get hooked, but we just never know.

I got addicted to cigarettes after just one. My dad was an alcoholic. I tell my kids it’s in their blood and they could ruin their life from just ‘trying’ something don’t risk it. I hope they listen. I think my dd will not sure on my ds but he’s always asking me to quit smoking and I tell him I’m addicted and can’t. Hopefully at least they will learn from me ruining my health from addiction

https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/40280-yougov-big-survey-drugs-recreational-drugs

Statistically not uncommon at all. 6/10 Britons reportedly haven’t tried drugs, but when the statistics are broken down a small majority of those aged 25-59 have.

I’ve never tried drugs. Drunk and high people do stupid things and embarrass themselves, so I never understood what the allure was supposed to be. Teenagers rebelling by trying drugs always seemed really cliched and lame to me, too.

Also, there are so many accounts of rape that involve the victim being under the influence and therefore having less awareness/ability to fight back or escape.

Is that their fault?

That you know of.

These threads always made me laugh. People, you have NO idea who is doing drugs, because if they even get a sniff (pardon the pun) that you disapprove they will never ever mention it to you.

I know teachers, lawyers, a doctor and a brownie leader who all like a line or a spliff. Rumour has it our vicar was a madforit raver with very big eyes back in the day before he was vicaring. If your kids or grandkids have done uni there’s a solid chance they’ll have dabbled. Your neighbours or the school mums could well be partaking when they’re with their actual mates. They all just won’t tell YOU!

But it still doesn't mean that everyone is doing drugs.

I never said they were. Simply that some people quietly do drugs (with their most trusted friends, usually) and don’t broadcast it.

The naivety of this post makes me laugh. Some of the heaviest drug users I’ve known have come from the most sheltered backgrounds and were “very well raised” - one was a vicar’s daughter, another’s parents’ were lawyers, all from respectable, loving families, but what I imagine they had in common was an expectation that their special darling would never do drugs because they’d “raised them correctly” 🤣 therefore it was never even discussed and it might have been some form of rebellion on their part, either that or it just goes to show that it doesn’t matter in the slightest how well you raise your child. Teenagers are always going to rebel/experiment/do “stupid” shit. We’re not talking about addiction here - which is often a result of childhood trauma and poor mental health, we’re just talking about experimenting with drugs. Isn’t it best they have a few facts before they do the stupid shit they will inevitably do?

I’ve never tried drugs, not even cannabis. I won’t expect my DD to but realise it’s not an unrealistic possibly that she will. I just hope I can raise her well enough to make good choices and to think through consequences first, but the reality is curiosity sometimes wins .

I’d like to think my kids wouldn’t be foolish enough to try them. I’ll carnally be drumming it into them that you never know what you’re taking and just once is enough to kill you. It’s certainly not a right of passage in my eyes. I could at times be quite easily led as a teen and was drinking from age 12 but I was always anti drugs.

At primary school I remember we had police coming in to talk to us and do various drugs workshops. I was p7 so about 10/11. I’d seen and heard all about folk that had died taking just one pill like Leah Betts. Glad I was sensible enough in fact maybe scared enough not to try anything.

Sorry but I think drinking from age 12 is far worse than the odd spliff as a grown up. Hope you’re doing everything you can to stop your kids following in your footsteps.

My point was you can never say you know exactly what your kids are up to as they hide stuff

I agree with you OP, that parents do need to be open to the idea that their DC may use drugs at some point.

I have 2 late teen DDs, and as a former heavy weed smoker (in my late teens/early 20's), a "recreational" pill taker (a few times at festivals), and a now sober alcoholic (I've been in recovery for nearly 15 years), the best way I have found to educate them has been through sharing my own experiences with them.

Our DDs are both aware that they are genetically predisposed to addiction, that in drinking and using drugs I took risks that landed me in dangerous (totally avoidable if I hadn't been drunk/high) situations and that weed basically turned me into an anxious, paranoid mess for a couple of years.

So far, DD1 has tried alcohol twice, but stopped after 2 drinks as she "didn't like how it felt" and DD2 is currently totally opposed, mainly through the fear of getting drunk and doing something "utterly mortifying".

Talking of things that are "utterly mortifying", I think the very best deterrent so far came from a friend of DD1's at a party she was at last year. He drank the best part of a bottle of vodka and while walking down the stairs, he vomited the whole way down, then slipped in it, skidding down to the bottom and landing in a pool of his own vomit, where he promptly passed out, and shat himself. Apparently the Mum of the girl throwing the party billed him for a professional clean of her once cream carpet!

@TetchypantsI hardly drink at all now as an adult, maybe a few times a year. It’s changed days, my kids won’t be out hanging around the streets or parks at that age for hours on end like me and my friends were. Although I know I won’t be able to keep tabs on them all the time or forever. A lot of teens these days seem to be more about going to the gym and going out for food to socialise.

Unlikely

I've never tried drugs and I'm in my 60s. It is possible! Never even been offered them and no, I don't live under a rock.

DD1 tried them in her teens and early 20s, DD2 is your original puritan who doesn't approve even of alcohol. Both have turned out ok (now in their 30s).

Of the two, I'd say DD1 had the harder time of it. I hope my grandkids don't get into it.

I wasn't talking about DD, but friends.

DD is pretty risk averse. She is studying a masters in a medical related subject and has had to be DBS checked for her placements, and although I'm not saying she has never tried any drugs (because I know she has. She told me) I think she is pretty sensible and doesn't want to jeopardise her career or her health (she has some health issues going on).

She is also pretty scathing about people who do coke.

I think people our generation haven't had the exposure to street drugs the way people 15 or 20 years younger have.

Going by this thread, I think we are outliers.

I don’t know about that. None of my friends - to my knowledge have tried drugs - except a minority used to smoke weed. I never touched drugs either and I used to go out clubbing multiple times a week in my younger days.

Yeah Leah Betts death massively put a lot of people in my generation off drugs.

This is spot on. People seem to think they took drugs so everyone else did/will.

I’m sure if my mum tells our next door neighbours none of her kids took drugs they may smirk knowingly (because i know for a fact their kids took drugs) but it’s true neither myself nor my brothers (who I’m very close to) would go near them.

I had some acquaintances eg. My neighbours who took drugs but none of my good/close friends hade ever been into it. There was never any drugs at the house parties we had in our 20s in my home town .

A few people went outside to smoke weed on one or two small gatherings when I was a bit older living in London but definitely drug users are not the norm in my world.

Yea you can’t say with certainty if your kids take drugs or not, but you also can’t say with certainty other peoples kids are taking drugs!

According to this thread, your friends are lying. As are your siblings, parents, colleagues. They are all taking drugs.
Just not telling you.