To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

Well, no one has believed me on this thread either. I don't know anyone who takes drugs ( even if you leave my supposedly lying kids out of it). My parents didn't. My siblings didn't. DH didn't..I go out a lot but clearly all my friends are as dull as me.

Leah Betts put me off forever, never tried anything. It doesn’t have to be a ‘right of passage’ to break the law and risk irrevocable harm??
i know our pshe team still refer to Leah and her tragic story as well as others.

Could people stop calling others naive for having a different perspective, that would be great.

awaits the ‘Leah didn’t die from drugs, it was water that killed her’ comments that the mention of poor Leah always attract…

Whaaaat?

Aren’t you worried they’ll move far away to avoid your controlling behaviour?

Indeed.

Some drugs are far more easily obtainable now and in many different forms. Tablets are easy to hide, and I think you can buy some in vape form now as well?

My view is that most will try something at some point, even if it's just a bit of weed at a party.

So I had conversations with my DS, stressing the dangers, of course, but also along the lines of "it's better if you don't, and I would rather you didn't, but if ever you do and you feel unwell you MUST tell someone and don't be scared to tell me either".

I know my DS wouldn’t. Never even tried alcohol. Most of the teenagers I know wouldn’t.

I'm the same as you, I wasn't naive enough to believe it wouldn't happen. We done it when we were teens, in the ecstasy days. I had lots of talks around drugs with my eldest - recreational and the dangers of harder drugs and how they ruin your life and how to keep yourself safe if you do indulge recreationally. I also said if you ever do it and are in a bad situation, call me straight away without fear of being in trouble.

My eldest has now come through that stage. There were raves, where she openly admitted to me after what she'd taken, and I didn't judge her but we'd have an open conversation about how she felt after and how it affected her mentally and physically. Luckily there was no bad experiences from it. She's now in her last year of uni, working hard in a decent job, in a relationship with a lovely guy who has never been in to drugs when younger.

I've still got two teens to go and will take the exact same approach with them. Though, I'm not sure my son would endulge as he's really in to his health and fitness and competes nationally in the sport he plays.

Of course not

Loads of research confirms that gen z and alpha are more risk averse than x and elder millennials. Less risky sex, alcohol and drug use. Obviously they experience horrible and different risks.

Drugs were a massive part of my youth as well as crazy binge drinking and smoking. I'm 43 with 13 year old nieces and nephews and they're like infants compared to me and my peers at that age. Also work with a lot of early 20s and they're so clean living and wholesome. V little booze, super into fitness.

Isn't that a bit suffocating?

I’m 30 and in my social circle I only know of me and 2 other people who have never touched drugs (mostly experiments at uni). All are responsible adults now with good jobs/some with families, etc. So no, you’re not being unreasonable.

I can't be certain dc won't of course, but I never did and most of my friends never did. I move in circles where drug taking or smoking is seen as incredibly stupid and none of us are party types. Most of us don't drink much either.

I'd be devastated if dc tried illegal drugs tbh.

'My kids don't take drugs because they were raised properly and with morals'
Strangers on the internet: 'um... actually yes they do'

Why are people trying to normalise and downplay drug use in this thread and suggest that anyone here who raised their kids with morals and propriety is sanctimonious and uptight? By saying 'How do you know they've never used drugs' you are unintentionally revealing your own flawed parenting and inability to keep your kids away from drugs.

Case study:

My Mum raised us strictly, firmly and with an emphasis on education. Two of us are lawyers and none of us have ever had a drug problem, one of us has never even been tempted to try drugs or drink.

My aunt raised my cousin with drugs being sold, used and bought in the home . He died of an overdose in his 20s.

It's that simple. Raise your kids properly and it won't happen.

II’m absolutely certain my now adult DCs never did or would take drugs, they have far more sense than that. No, I’m not smug.
My friends and acquaintances are as @Doitrightnow says thankfully.

I can’t believe people are still prattling on about Leah Betts. JFC. I wonder how many doses of MDMA have been taken since then (and how many people have died from said doses) versus how many people have died from issues relating to alcohol. My dad died at 65 from alcohol-related problems. Almost certainly if he’d popping pills instead of whiskey he’d still be with us. I know I’m simplifying things but honestly the hypocrisy around drugs versus alcohol is so tedious. 😤

I have three adult DC

all smoked a bit of weed in late teens, I know DS2 took ket a few times when in college. Now at uni, he smokes a bit of weed and takes something stronger at festivals etc.
my DD is older and doesn’t drink or smoke but I think takes MDMA or similar occasionally at festivals.

i took a bit as a young adult, haven’t since I had the DC but I’d consider MDMA very occasionally now they have left home.
DP takes MDMA and weed if he is at a festival, few times a year.

we seem really normal compared to peers.
amazingly we all are professionals, university and postgraduate educated, and generally function well in society.
who’d have thought?

There’s a middle ground between a strict upbringing and living in a drug den.

Some of us have lived a bit, and met people(particularly young people) from all walks of life and KNOW a strict upbringing is not a guarantee of anything.

I find it more tedious that in every thread about drugs the ‘alcohol’ argument/comparison is made. If people need to use alcohol as an example to justify drug use then there is no justification. I think people need to be able to discuss one without the other.

That you know of. They are hardly likely to say to you "guess what nan, I fell into a massive ket hole last night" when they come round to visit.

I never did. I am naturally quite risk averse and my DC are too. We are as a family all also quite academic & logical, my DC are the type who recognise (like me) that illegal drugs via dodgy supply chains are probably full of loads of dangerous contaminants. My DC in particular would be like me - scared to try something that could kill him/lead to addiction.

We are the types who have no real urge to sky dive or bungee jump, we aren't adrenalin seekers, and we are happy, contented people.

I think a lot of people who try drugs are always looking for a high, we don't have that issue.

They didn't live in a drug den. The home was clean and had an he had an otherwise normal upbringing. But drugs were treated as a rite of passage, used at parties and festivals by the parents and the parents extended friend network also used drugs. By the time my cousins addiction had gotten really bad, the parents showed concern and objected to the drug usage, but continued to use drugs at parties and festivals in front of him, so he was never going to be free.

But I would suggest that your second example (‘case study’) is quite extreme. Of course if drug use in a family involves dealing and parents/family members openly using drugs, then the chances of the children of that family becoming serious users/addicts is quite high.
It’s great that you raised your kids so well but I think that some experimenting as a teen with drugs does not necessarily mean that they are destined to a life of addiction, etc (as someone said upthread). There are a lot of factors at play which mean people may end up a certain way. Although I would also agree that if you never take drugs then of course there’s no risk you’ll develop issues with drugs but there may be other ‘issues’ which are not related to drugs but which cause someone difficulties as an adult (not suggesting that with your kids).

Oh and you can live a perfectly full, happy exciting life with loads of great experiences.... without feeling tempted by chemical highs.

Loads of other ways to get a seratonin buzz. Sex. Music. Great food. Exercise. Creative pursuits. Climbing a mountain. Visiting the most beautiful places on earth. Fun exhilarating sports like trampolining or kayaking. Take your pick.