To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

I've had to look after several Muslim kids at my kids 18th birthday parties after too much drink. Not all of their Muslim friends drink but some definitely do (with parents that would be very shocked). I also have a few Muslim friends that occasionally drink. They aren't practicing Muslims but would describe themselves as culturally Muslim.

I was a teenager in the late 80’s/90’s. I smoked a bit of dope and was a smoker but never tried anything else.

My younger two are 18 and 19. Me and my 19 year old have a very o-en relationship. I know she’s tried smoking when younger and vaping but has never tried drugs, she’s no reason to lie. My 18 year old son I’m not sure. I’ve not seen any evidence of it though that’s about as sure as I can be.

"right of passage" that's just weird.

Also I don’t agree with it being a rite of passage. DH, for example, used to go clubbing all the time and has never had drugs. No interest in them at all.

I think there is less drug use amongst the newer generations coming through, but I think vaping has replaced a lot of that. With vaping you're cool, get the nicotine hit, experiment with different flavours and mg of nicotine etc. My nieces think they are the bees knees trying to hide vapes in their bras. And they just buy the CBD vaping oil 🤷🏻‍♀️ so would that be classed as drug use ? No idea. Totally different world these days.

Drug use is rife in the teenagers I know, and I include my kids in that. Despite being very into going to the gym every day, into healthy eating and getting a good night's sleep, getting good grades, holding down part-time jobs, etc etc, they are not adverse to popping a pill on a night out, due to it being cheaper, healthier, and better for them the next morning (their words).

They tell me stories of their nights out, and coke and ket is also used a lot within their age group, with a recent trend for mushrooms too. Cannabis seems to have become the new tobacco. No one smoke smokes, they just smoke weed.

Tbh, I get what they're saying about drug use versus alcohol use, although I do wish they'd stay away from ket, that scares me. I just have to trust that they know what they're doing, know their limits in the same way I had to learn with alcohol. We've had LOTS of conversations about this.

Do I believe that some teenagers never use drugs? Yes, absolutely.

Do I believe that the majority at least dabble? Yes, absolutely.

Unless we live in a very unusual bubble!

The statistics show that a lot of teenagers try drugs but many don’t. They also show that cannabis use is slightly on the rise again after a decline in numbers taking it.

I partook and was around lots of drugs and I really don’t want that for my DC. My DH has never taken pills or done coke etc, but made himself sick twice with a puff of a joint. I hope they’re more him than I.
I was doing class As from teens.
I’ve been open about the dangers of drugs to my DC, discussed the ethics (something I knew nothing about) and even explained they’ve probably been smuggled up some dirty bumhole. I’ve explained what I can, the path of addiction, the fact people on drugs are highly irritating, every danger I can think of and I’ve also explained that just because they might seem fun at the time, the come down is massively dangerous. I have explained although rare, drugs can cause death.
They have the information I didn’t have and they’ll make their own choices. I hope they won’t but they’re their own people, I can’t ultimately stop them. I just want them to know the risks and downsides and that if they ever need to tell me anything like they’re struggling with addiction or comes downs they can always come to me. It’s all any of us can do.

I would never naively say my child hasn’t/wouldn’t take drugs.

We’ve just tried our best to ensure that both feel safe to talk about it with us, asking for advice and never judged either way.

There are a lot of very naive people on here. Drugs are far more prevalent than they were years ago. I’ve seen people openly snorting coke off keys in pubs, on trains, even in the toilets at work. There’s an entire industry of 14 year old, dark tracksuited ‘Deliveroo drivers’ such is the demand. I know a hairdresser who openly admits that at the weekend as soon as they close the salon the first thing they do is share a bag before heading out. It’s everywhere. How many balloon canisters do you see littering the streets? You can smell weed wherever you go, around the shops, in pub beers gardens. They don’t even try to hide it.

I have 5 adult children. I wouldn’t be shocked if any/all of them had tried drugs. The youngest uses drugs recreationally, which worries me greatly. She still denies it until she’s blue in the face. I’m not stupid enough to believe her just because she claims to be strongly anti-drugs. Her swinging jaw and the fact that she rolls out of bed at 4pm on a Sunday and hasn’t eaten a roast dinner since 2023 suggest otherwise. I just hope it’s a phase she grows out of, because apart from my lecturing her, I’m not sure what else I can do.

I think my parents would think I have tried drugs, I was quite wild with going out clubbing and alcohol in my late teens and many of my friends were experimenting with drugs, it just didn’t interest me so I didn’t do it.

My DH did do recreational drugs in his late teens, I’m certain his parents would swear none of their children would ever do drugs.

DS18 went down the cannabis path about 15 when he was having a hard time (thankfully this is all over now). We saw evidence of balloons too but he never admitted this. Cocaine is now rife in our area with his age group. He hasn’t admitted it but I suspect he’s tried it once or twice. Thankfully he doesn’t go out clubbing much. Almost all 18 - 25 year olds at DHs company, take it every weekend, its far more common then when we were younger, and used far more than alcohol on the clubbing scene.

DD is early teens, I don’t think she will, she’s very straight down the line. Hates the vaping and smoking culture, but I’m not naive enough to think that it could never happen.

How old were those people? I wouldn't be surprised if the ones you saw were in their 50s. I very rarely see young people in pubs anymore. I would be genuinely surprised if there was more drug taking in teenagers than in previous generations. Alcohol use is down in younger people and I can't see how club drugs are more in use as clubs are shutting down because they don't seem to go out like that anymore. I'm not a naive, it just seems to be the trend for getting shit faced started to slow down around the time that every thing got uploaded to social media!

Who wants to spend 3 hours on hours their makeup only to be caught gurning on Instagram

I won't be able to stop them but I do educate around the provenance of drugs. They will make their own choices but they should do so knowing the kind of organisations that peddle this stuff (the violence, the organised crime, county lines, sex trafficking, gun violence, etc etc etc), buying drugs contributes to that.

I took lots of different drugs growing up. My sister is much younger than me and I remember having a conversation if she was ever going to try something, to speak with me first, and she did. My eldest has tried weed and balloons (don’t get me started). She vapes also when she drinks alcohol, but she’s not a big drinker.

I live in an area where people sit in the pub on a weekday afternoon and do coke. It’s just so common. Eldest has never been tempted by this.

I have spoken to her about the things I have done, and said I would rather know than not. I do think she’s been honest.

I feel like it was a rite of passage almost, but attitudes have changed with this generation and they seem much more focused on wellness, self-care, etc

For the PP that said about smoking not being as popular so not moving on to weed. They do have weed vapes nowadays and edibles, etc.

It’s not a given. Some kids will, some kids will just dip their toe in once or twice , some kids won’t.

I first tried weed in my early 20s , not a fan, that was that. I first tried coke in my late 20s, again , not a fan , so that was that again. I did use to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

With DD, I honestly don’t know which way she’ll go.She has some personality /behavioural traits that make it unlikely, but she could grow out of those or curiosity will win…at least once.I know some of her friends have already expressed curiosity/a willingness to try.

That’s what my mum would say about me and she would be wrong.

I live in a big university city, and the pubs and bars of a weekend are full of students who aren’t drinking but whose jaws are swinging and/or are popping off to the loos every five minutes.

I was at a gig a couple of weeks ago and young people were doing keys in the crowd. It definitely happens.

@ForCheeryHedgehog I’m also (like @sweetpickle2) in a big University city so pubs here are full of young people. So yes it’s definitely all ages. The theory is that young people are drinking less because they’re taking drugs instead.

Plenty of young people try coke. Not unusual.

How do people afford all this with the CoL? DD says all her friends vape but she would rather have the spare money as she doesnt earn very much. Same reason she doesn't drink very much.

I think a lot of teenagers nowadays are much more health conscious. My ds is 17...he's into healthy eating and the gym as are his friends

When I was his age, I hadn't set foot in a gym and was busy getting drunk...

Drugs are cheaper than drinking.

A bag of coke is about 60 quid, shared with mates over an evening is far cheaper than buying drinks all night. Likewise a pill is a one off purchase of probably about 20 quid to see you through the night.

That doesn’t make everybody wrong.

I grew up in the 90s in a very small and quite posh village and my friends and I drank sometimes and smoked weed from about 15. For me it was never more than that but for a few others they dabbled with harder stuff for a couple of years.

I’m not sure if my DD will ever but I’m not naive enough to think she absolutely won’t. My poor mum didn’t have a clue but I’ll know.

I agree.

No-one on mumsnet ever believes me when I say that my friends don't indulge in illegal drugs. We just don't. We would rather enjoy a bottle or two of fine red wine than something you don't know the provenance of.

Honestly, there are people young and old who just don't want to support the illegal drugs trade.

Oh, and I have never witnessed anyone snorting coke either, but I don't go out very often these days, just to the local pub or for a sedate meal in the early evening.