To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

Utter shite! I’ve known the most upstanding, church-going, law-abiding, loving parents I’ve ever met end up with a heroin addicted son (who died).

I have also educated my children about the dangers of drug use, the moral reasons for not using them, the effect on their physical but more likely mental, health etc. We have certainly never used drugs ourselves, or been around them. DH is teetotal and I rarely drink (and when I do it’s one glass of wine). My DD still uses drugs, despite having a very good career.

I’m sure that drug users are more likely to have drug using children, but that’s not to say that all their children will be users. Nor does it mean that everyone who takes drugs didn’t have parents who raised them properly.

But why? Why should they be treated differently? Both are mind-altering substances which can be bad for your health, it’s just that alcohol is legal and that’s only because prohibition never worked. As it’s not working with drugs.

OP: 'My kids don't take drugs'
Stranger on the internet: 'Erm. Actually yes they do'

Lalaland.

You really don't know that.

My Mum raised us strictly, firmly and with an emphasis on education. Two of us are lawyers and none of us have ever had a drug problem, one of us has never even been tempted to try drugs or drink.

My family is like this. No one does drugs or would dream of it. I wouldn't even know where you get them from.

We do drink occasionally but not to excess, I'd say the younger generations drink considerably less than older in general.

Who? Me or the OP?

Lots of people never even try drugs so it's not a full gone conclusion.

I've never tried a drug in my life beyond cigarettes and alcohol.

I have terrible anxiety and fear so assumed if I did, I would drop down dead immediately.

I have other vices...food and shopping mainly

Of course you can. I don't drink or do any drugs now and enjoy walks, running and other boring stuff. Drugs and alcohol are terrible for me- I didn't do cannabis much as it made my mental health awful, alcohol was fine until I got in my 30s and that did the same.

I will tell my children this as they get older and about my experiences. I hope they don't do drugs or drink much as there are addicts in my wider family (luckily they don't see my children so they're not exposed to it). This doesn't mean that they won't try drugs in the future and I may never know about it.

I get the sense kids these days are quite different. Smoking is frowned upon and I see groups are quite against vaping. I get the idea the drinking in parks type culture isn't what it was when I was young. I may be naive.

I'm saying basically that more information, more awareness is out there. That will probably influence somewhat in a good way.

I am considerably more concerned about alcohol. The drinking culture I grew up with, seeing family who can't cope without alcohol or at least on a weekend without it.

I worry about addiction to anything really, alcohol included, particularly because my child has ADHD. And it's definitely the case that self medication is much higher in this group sadly.

The MN response is "la Dee da de da you can't stop so. So just let them abuse their body".

My children have drank occasionally but I've raised them well enough to not do illegal drugs.

It’s easy to consider drugs a right of passage if none of your friends got heavily addicted. I also did a lot of drugs but one of my friends OD’d and died, another ruined their prospects by becoming a dealer and a couple gave themselves permanent organ damage. I don’t touch the stuff now and would never encourage my kids to damage their bodies, ruin their prospects or kill themselves with the stuff.

There are a lot of very naive people on here. Drugs are far more prevalent than they were years ago. I’ve seen people openly snorting coke off keys in pubs, on trains, even in the toilets at work. There’s an entire industry of 14 year old, dark tracksuited ‘Deliveroo drivers’ such is the demand. I know a hairdresser who openly admits that at the weekend as soon as they close the salon the first thing they do is share a bag before heading out. It’s everywhere. How many balloon canisters do you see littering the streets? You can smell weed wherever you go, around the shops, in pub beers gardens. They don’t even try to hide it.

Its not like that everywhere. I commute into london on the train for work. Ive never seen someone snort coke in my life. Ive never seen drugs (excluding cigarettes and alcohol) offered around or used in pubs, bars or clubs i go to.

I rarely smell weed. My hairdresser is a man of 38 with a four year who spends his weekends cycling, i don't think he's on the bags of coke. I did see a lot of the little silver gas canisters around four or five years ago but that seems to have stopped.

I suspect the problem will be much worse in some areas than others.

'My kids use drugs, and I am jealous that yours don't, so I'm going to insist that yours do too secretly in order to gaslight you'

Lol

I was raised pretty terribly in hindsight and never did drugs. It's probably not as much in your control as you hope it to be.

I agree that upbringing matters and drug use is a bad thing, but I don't agree with your "it's that simple" statement. I know of several cases where siblings with the same upbringing have totally opposite attitudes to drug use. I also know someone with a very strict/moral upbringing who went totally off the rails at uni.

Nature/nurture etc.

I personally have never taken any drugs - not even tried weed. It’s actually on my bucket list to try weed at some point lol!

My eldest (19 DS) has tried weed. He was quite open with me about it. I don’t know if he’s taken anything else. I suspect he possibly has at uni, but I can’t control that or him - I just have to hope he makes sensible choices with the guidance I’ve given.

My middle son is 17 and has categorically stated he thinks people who use any sort of drugs are utterly stupid. He has absolutely zero interest in drugs, smoking or vaping. He does enjoy a few beers every now and again, and occasionally a cocktail or a rum and Coke (cola, not cocaine). So he’s not completely squeaky clean. I genuinely believe him about the drugs because I can tell when he’s lying… and I really can’t see when he’d have the opportunity. He’s working an apprenticeship, although hasn’t started the college element yet so is only working at the factory. He’s always either there or at home. He never goes out and doesn’t really have many friends anyway.

My youngest is 13 and at the minute very much anti drugs/vaping. He’s tried alcohol but doesn’t like the taste. Who knows when he’s a bit older. He’s a “mini me” in so many ways though, so I’d be surprised if he did. He’s also very risk adverse (more so than me).

Oh - and I definitely still see it on tv shows where the family are adamant their child would never take drugs.

It's not nature nurture. My father is an alcoholic and occasional drug user, which means half of our genes came from someone predisposed to risk and addiction. Yet not one of us uses drugs.

It's nurture.

My children are under 10, they do not use drugs. They might when they are older. Many do at least try them. I am just not totally naive. Anyone with multiple children and grandchildren would be highly likely to have at least one who tried something at some point.

'They do not use drugs. They might when they are older'

And you're okay with that because....?

How do you explain addictions(drugs/alcohol) or just usage in really strict/religious/teetotal households then? Because they do happen.

I disagree. Good parenting and the luck of not having addictive genes both increase the chances of not trying drugs but isn't a guarantee. Of course I very much think it's worth doing one's utmost to maximise the chances!

What if they don't get married til they're 30? Are you telling me they'll never be allowed to go out with friends ever?

I witnessed a friend have a really bad reaction to drugs when I was a teen. Put me off for life. Just don't see the appeal. Cokeheads are especially boring.

Most religious upbringings are abusive so it's expected that a child would use drugs to cope with the ACE.

Who said I was ok with it? I would rather they didn't, I am just not deluding myself that it is out of the question.