Best friend husband unfriended me on Facebook

[Bernie54]

To be offended that my best friends husband has unfriended me on Facebook. I only noticed by chance. Best friend says don’t take it personal ? But we have been best friends since 14, we are now both 54….they now live quite remotely about 5 hours away, so I don’t see her. I just find it odd behaviour. Should I care or even be bothered ?

How did you even notice?

People are really projecting and making assumptions in this thread.

Honestly, if it's someone who is married to my best mate, I would use the limited friend function on FB before I'd just delete them.

If someone is liking/sharing/writing annoying things, just mute them. And if you're not wanting them to see everything you do, there's an option to limit what they see on your profile and what you post. It's ideal for the person you don't want to offend (like what's happened now) but you also just don't want to engage with.

I've used it for a few school friends and MLM huns. 'Unfriending' entirely sends a message, and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise. I'd only unfriend if it were someone who really was never going to be a friend irl again and they were being actively antagonistic in my posts.

You aren't in eachothers lives anymore and the friendlist reflects that.

Fine to be hurt but you can't pretend it's life changing.

@KewTitles

Sometimes people add (or accept friend requests from) people that they're not even actively friends with, though; I've got a number of people on my FB list who I've never even met or spoken to (I have other reasons for having added them, though.)

It can be quite common for some people to have FB 'friends' who are not actually friends of any kind; it could be someone they met a couple of times many years ago - they've never had a friendship or indeed a relationship, never got to know each other...so years down the line, if someone thinks "This person was never a friend anyway, may as well remove them" - well, I don't think they're a bad person for doing that.

@CautiousLurker01 He didn’t block. He unfriended.

Yes, my comment was about "People who unfriend or block without an explanation..."

Maybe the friend posted in support of Trump or Palestine or Israel or something

It is very important to have friends with different perspectives and opinions, especially when those views disagree with our own. That's how our own views are challenged, which means our opinions become fully developed and well-informed.

You can generally tell when people only surround themselves with people who agree with them, and live in an echo chamber- they are the people who break down screaming in a fit of rage whenever someone says something that they don't like.

Every year I delete people from FB that I’ve not communicated with for at least 12 months. I don’t have people as “ friends” if they’re not real friends ( someone i catch up with fairly regularly).It’s not personal , I just don’t see the point
Maybe he feels the same ?

my mates husband was all friendly with me on social media when he wanted “approval” as a great new boyfriend for her. So that he passed the test. Once they were secure and he had his feet under the table he barely interacts with us now. I also think she probably complains about us to him so it’s served his purpose.

Forget him; he’s a dick

Mehh do you get on in real life? That's what matters , when you do meet.

He probably doesn't use his Facebook anymore much and wants to scale it back to contact he makes in real life such as hobbies. He has a live point of contact through your friend and I presume your number in case of any emergencies/ surprise parties?

If it makes you feel better, my own dad finally joined after, what, 15 years. He has refused to accept me because it's for hobby friends only. I barely use it, certainly no 'live laugh love'.

I think if you go to their profile and click on the 'Friends' button at the top right, a dropdown menu will appear and one of the options is 'Unfollow'.

Brilliant thanks! I wasn't following him But I followed and then unfollowed him. Hopefully that will work.

Thank you I agree

Well obviously I stalk him every hour every day, no seriously me and my best friend were messaging each other and I asked how he was. This is the norm for us, she was cagey then, so out of curiousity I checked his Facebook, and noticed he had unfriended me.

He’s still using SM he comments on her posts every day

Are you and him actually good friends?

Do we need to be ?

I only ever unfriend people who I have absolutely nothing to do with anymore, haven't seen for a couple of years, and who have not acknowledged any of my posts in a year or more. As a pp said, if they are not in my life anymore, I never see them, and I have no communication with them (or them with me,) why are they on my friends list?

I have just 65 friends on Facebook, and they are all people I know, have contact with, see, and speak to. I see some people with 1500+ 'friends.' Makes me LOL, No-one has that many friends. One person I know who has 1350 'friends,' had a big birthday last week (40,) and they had birthday greetings from 53 people. Out of 1350. So 96% of the people on their friends list didn't acknowledge their birthday. Proving (IMO) that the vast majority of them are not actually friends. Some probably don't even actually know this person!

I mean, I wouldn't be Facebook friends with my friends husbands anyway, and do find that a bit odd. Unless I categorically know him myself, and we are friends, I would never be friends on Facebook with a friend's husband. If we were friends, (in real life,) and he unfriended me on Facebook, I'm not gonna lie, I would be puzzled. Probably would ask my friend if I had offended him because he's unfriended me.

As a pp said, it sends a very clear message when someone unfriends you... 'I don't want to know you anymore, and I no longer want anything to do with you.' It is quite a rude thing to do IMO, and if it was someone I was in fairly regular contact with/got on with OK, I would be puzzled and would possibly message them to ask if everything is OK.

Not being funny, but no-one has ever unfriended me on Facebook. I have unfriended people though. But as I said, they're people who I have not spoken to or interacted with for a year or more (and didn't have that much to do with anyway.)

.

Well yeah. Would make sense why you think it's a big deal.
Otherwise, lots of people delete people they are not actually friends with at some point or another. I have "have we spoken properly in last 12 months" filtering. My DH doesn't have my friends on, I and his, even though he met them, because they are not his friends.
The time people had all sundry on has passed, most people around me keep it now to family and actual friends only.

Well, why are you offended if you are not?

Maybe he just wants to be connected to good friends on Facebook and you seem to mainly be a friend of his wifes

I like to keep my Facebook friends under 100 so have a cull every now and again. You say you don’t post much and he does. Do you ever like or comment on his posts? I ask as one my my criteria to cull people is the silent ones who never interact with me - like a PP said I find it a bit creepy like someone is looking at me through one way glass - sees what I post but gives nothing away and can’t even hit like every once in a while.

Could be something like that. But yeah also DH of a friend might be a degree of separation too far if he is tightening his friend list. Either way I doubt it’s personal.

I unfriend because I only really post pics of my DC (sad, yes). I had friends of friends from uni etc. When you’re young, there’s a good chance you might be on a night out with a friend, they might bring a friend, you have a funny night and become friends on SM. You might be at weddings, parties, make work friends, friends of with your siblings, relatives of your OH, partners of your friends, etc. Basically when I was young, my social circle was massive.

Now I’d think, realistically I’ll never see this person again, or im not close enough to text them, or make plans with them and I don’t really want them seeing photos of my kids. Not for any nefarious reason, I just like it to be close friends and family
now.

Even if you’re someone who wouldn’t delete anyone, surely you can see not everyone will think the same way as you? I can’t imagine anyone would care if I deleted them as my content is so dull/rarely post anything. But seems like some people who aren’t really ongoing friends in real life get upset when people don’t want them on SM any longer. Or they’re upset at the reduction in follower numbers.

Is it possible he and his wife are annoyed that you don’t make the effort to see her anymore even though you’re only 5 hours away?

He’s listening to her moan about the situation but she doesn’t want to confront you, so he’s unfriended you being fed up of the situation?

I suppose I don’t understand why you’d add people in the first place if you didn’t want them on your list.

Only 5 hours away ?? I’m a single parent and work a 40 hour week, neither of them work and no kids with them…they don’t even bother to visit their own family either. So don’t think it’s that

@KewTitles

At the time you add them, you do want (or if you don't actively want, are at least happy to have them) on your friends list. My point was, though, that sometimes the people that are added are not actual friends/not people that you actually have any kind of relationship with.

And as time goes by, with no communication, no contact, no relationship to speak of - it can feel a bit pointless to keep them there sometimes. There's no active falling out, because there's no relationship in the first place.

But what I am is straightforward and open.

But not straightforward and open enough to ask him why he unfriended you? 😳