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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Best friend husband unfriended me on Facebook

269 replies

Bernie54 · 12/04/2025 00:28

To be offended that my best friends husband has unfriended me on Facebook. I only noticed by chance. Best friend says don’t take it personal ? But we have been best friends since 14, we are now both 54….they now live quite remotely about 5 hours away, so I don’t see her. I just find it odd behaviour. Should I care or even be bothered ?

OP posts:
em2001ily · 13/04/2025 19:03

KewTitles · 12/04/2025 06:01

Only complete wankers delete people who they haven’t actively fallen out with. It’s so “Look at meeeee! I’m far too important to just scroll past an update I don’t like! My time is just soooo precious!”

Be glad you’re rid of him, OP. He sounds like an utter cockface.

Yeah this. I can't even be bothered to go through my Facebook friends list and 'clear out'.....

Longleggedlinda · 13/04/2025 19:05

It’s your friends husband? He probably thought he was spring cleaning his friends list, at first we all clicked on Facebook friends but now most are reducing if not leaving, to be honest I have most people on permanent snooze so I never see anyone’s posts

mindutopia · 13/04/2025 19:09

Is it possible they are considering separating? I know where I’ve been friends with husband and wife, and one of them has gone a bit quiet on social media, it has often been because they are splitting up and sort of dividing out their mutual friends. Would explain her cagey-ness. Maybe she doesn’t really want to tell anyone yet.

Drummergirl1971 · 13/04/2025 19:18

mjf981 · 12/04/2025 05:36

You're 54...far too old to be worrying about such things.
If you've done nothing to to upset him then shrug and forget about it. Its SM - its all vacuous BS anyway. We'd all be better off if was just deleted from the earth.

My school mate’s long term partner blocked me on Twitter, said it was cos I’d blocked him first, which was nonsense. Turns out he was cheating on her with someone in a different continent & had racked up massive debts. I think he was scared I’d see a glimpse of his secret, shady life & would tell her.

TheBerry · 13/04/2025 19:18

Bernie54 · 13/04/2025 18:47

Yes this is my suspicion too, and I know they don’t see anyone and haven’t since they moved there, apart from Xmas day.

Wow hope not OP. Let us know after you’ve seen him!! I wanna know what fumbling excuse he tries to produce.

Duechristmas · 13/04/2025 19:24

You don't get to choose whether somebody follows you but you can choose who not to follow. It would never occur to me to be remotely bothered who is or isn't my fb friend, we're not 12 any more.

cchs1 · 13/04/2025 19:42

Bernie54 · 13/04/2025 18:47

Yes this is my suspicion too, and I know they don’t see anyone and haven’t since they moved there, apart from Xmas day.

That must be so worrying for you if you have suspicions. Keep reassuring her that you’re best friends and you’d do anything for her, lots of memes for that to keep it light if he’s monitoring her messages, so she knows you’re absolutely there for her/to counteract what he may be saying to her

BigHeadBertha · 13/04/2025 19:43

I'm not on FB but I noticed you said you planned to go see "them" this summer rather than "her," so this might possibly apply. (If so, he may have accepted your friend invitation years ago to be polite or whatever and now is getting around to culling his FB list). This, coupled with you being upset that he unfriended you on FB, made me think of this:

If it applies, I'll just say that people have different ideas of boundaries. For ex. I don't like it when I make a friend and they assume they are friends with my husband, too. They are not and to me, it's an annoying, uninvited overreach.

Sometimes they do have another agenda of wanting male attention from him to one extent or another and other times, they don't but it's still irritating and will make me decide to not further pursue the friendship. It's happened the other way too and my husband feels the same way I do. In other words, my friend would be coming to see "me," not "us." His friend would be his friend, not "our" friend.

Now that my kids are grown, it's come up there too, once or twice, where a friend of mine or my husband's tries to make an independent bond with one of our kids. It just seems pushy and annoying to us, and our kids don't really want to hang out with people their parents' ages either.

No idea if it applies or not but just a thought about if you're inadvertently crossing the boundary that your friend actually offered you there.

Serendipetty · 13/04/2025 20:03

Whocanbelieveit · 12/04/2025 00:45

Why would you care if your best friends husband is your friend on Facebook? Also at 54 why would you care if anyone was your friend on Facebook? I thought only young people are bothered about how many friends they have on Facebook.

Young people don't even use FB (as a rule)!

Hangingonthere · 13/04/2025 21:24

@Bernie54 A friend/old work colleague of mine and also my husband defriended me. We haven't see each other for many years but have sporadically kept in touch. I was miffed more than annoyed that he kept my husband! It was a first for me but as we don't see them it doesn't matter. I find the fact that your friend was cagy a bit strange though.

Bernie54 · 13/04/2025 21:36

Hwi · 13/04/2025 18:51

Husband, best friend, Facebook - are you all 12?

If we were 12 we would be too young for Facebook….

OP posts:
Bernie54 · 13/04/2025 21:37

BigHeadBertha · 13/04/2025 19:43

I'm not on FB but I noticed you said you planned to go see "them" this summer rather than "her," so this might possibly apply. (If so, he may have accepted your friend invitation years ago to be polite or whatever and now is getting around to culling his FB list). This, coupled with you being upset that he unfriended you on FB, made me think of this:

If it applies, I'll just say that people have different ideas of boundaries. For ex. I don't like it when I make a friend and they assume they are friends with my husband, too. They are not and to me, it's an annoying, uninvited overreach.

Sometimes they do have another agenda of wanting male attention from him to one extent or another and other times, they don't but it's still irritating and will make me decide to not further pursue the friendship. It's happened the other way too and my husband feels the same way I do. In other words, my friend would be coming to see "me," not "us." His friend would be his friend, not "our" friend.

Now that my kids are grown, it's come up there too, once or twice, where a friend of mine or my husband's tries to make an independent bond with one of our kids. It just seems pushy and annoying to us, and our kids don't really want to hang out with people their parents' ages either.

No idea if it applies or not but just a thought about if you're inadvertently crossing the boundary that your friend actually offered you there.

Edited

No no boundary crossed, I’ve always visited wherever they have lived…I would be taking my partner as well!

OP posts:
Bernie54 · 13/04/2025 21:39

mindutopia · 13/04/2025 19:09

Is it possible they are considering separating? I know where I’ve been friends with husband and wife, and one of them has gone a bit quiet on social media, it has often been because they are splitting up and sort of dividing out their mutual friends. Would explain her cagey-ness. Maybe she doesn’t really want to tell anyone yet.

Edited

Definitely not splitting up

OP posts:
Rosabloo · 13/04/2025 22:32

Too much overthinking on being unfriended on a social media app.

Missj25 · 13/04/2025 22:49

Rosabloo · 13/04/2025 22:32

Too much overthinking on being unfriended on a social media app.

Rosabloo it’s true for you 😂

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/04/2025 08:10

Whocanbelieveit · 12/04/2025 00:45

Why would you care if your best friends husband is your friend on Facebook? Also at 54 why would you care if anyone was your friend on Facebook? I thought only young people are bothered about how many friends they have on Facebook.

It's not about how many friends she has

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/04/2025 08:12

@Bernie54 could it be that it's she is your best friend, he's not?

Bernie54 · 14/04/2025 10:25

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/04/2025 08:12

@Bernie54 could it be that it's she is your best friend, he's not?

ooh yes I hadn’t thought of that! Thank you so much for pointing that out 😊

OP posts:
Bernie54 · 14/04/2025 10:26

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/04/2025 08:10

It's not about how many friends she has

I have less than a hundred and it’s not about that, but thank you again for taking the time to reply to me 🙏

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 14/04/2025 10:34

Is there more to this op? Are they quite weird?
They don’t see anyone in the real world including me since they moved. I don’t post politics or anything much in fact they post more than me, they are always on Facebook.
they have no friends except you, (& the others they are interacting with on social media) , never see anyone in the real world, and she was cagey when you asked how he was?

either he’s controlling her and slowly cutting her off from everybody or she’s murdered him with the carving knife and planning for no one to notice.

Veggielepsy · 14/04/2025 10:39

If she lives miles away and barely sees them, they could be trying to build a new social life, or set of interests in their new town, just not updating social media. I'm not sure how she knows for sure that they see nobody if they're not that closely in touch.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/04/2025 13:31

Bernie54 · 14/04/2025 10:26

I have less than a hundred and it’s not about that, but thank you again for taking the time to reply to me 🙏

I was talking to another pp who'd said that it was to do with you and the number of friends you have.

I said I was certain that you didn't particularly care about how many friends you have

TigerRag · 14/04/2025 13:38

NapQueenRising · 13/04/2025 18:04

I once had someone contact me to demand to know what kind of fucking nerve I had to have unfriended her on facebook... which kind of illustrated exactly why I had unfriended.
Now I just put people on mute on social media and WhatsApp.... people are nuts!

Someone messaged me and asked the same. We never talked. I had to block him because he just kept on asking

Billerto · 14/04/2025 14:46

I had what I thought was a Close friend blank me for about 6 months during the pandemic despite me sending at least two or three messages. When I got back into Facebook for a few months I saw she had recently got married in a registry office.

Last I’d heard she’d just moved in with a new boyfriend so I was surprised. It was limited numbers due to Covid so I wouldn’t have expected an invitation but felt it said a lot she hadn’t even replied to mention she was engaged.

I unfriended her and that same day she messaged asking where I was living and how I was. I never replied. If I hadn’t deleted her she would have continued to completely ignore me. It’s pathetic.

Widower2014 · 14/04/2025 15:04

In the great journey of life, how will him unfriending you on Facebook impact your existence on this planet