For refusing to go to Church?

[TheGreyPony]

Me and DP have been together for 4 years and are newly engaged.

My family is atheist and DPs family is catholic (DP is not practicing any religion)

DPs family go to church every Sunday and special occasions (Easter, Christmas…)

DP doesn’t go to church expect for on Christmas Eve, which is mother states is extremely important to her.

She has asked me every year if I will go to church at Christmas with them, and I explained me and my family have our own traditions and it’s not something I want to give up.

She keeps asking DP and I to go to church on a Sunday with her. She says how much it would mean to them, and how sad she is that DP doesn’t take his faith seriously.
DP genuinely just can’t be bothered to go, and i genuinely could not care less about Church or anything to do with religion.

I am not “anti-religion” I just don’t believe it in at all and do find the whole thing ridiculous (don’t worry, I’d never say that to his family) I worry she blames me for DPs lack of faith, but I also find myself biting my tongue whenever something good happens (like I get a promotion) and she tells me to thank god - because I think, I did that on own, not God.

AMBU for refusing to go? I know it’s important to her, but I just don’t like religion and I feel like it would be more disrespectful to lie.
Should I pretend, and go to church to keep the peace? Or be true to myself?

God is whatever is the locus of your values - your decision making, your North star... if God does not sit in that throne, something else does. Often money, or pleasure

@Apricotfuzz has gone a bit rogue!

I'd have known them as a "strong atheist" or a "positive atheist", but different people tend to use different terminology.

Why are people ‘stating’ things on here instead of just saying them?

I appreciate that is what some bigots believe, thanks.

How

Convince me otherwise, I'm keen to learn

I absolutely agree with this. Stuck Record is the best policy.

And OP you need for your DP to handle this. It’s his mother.

Still an atheist though, albeit a strong/ positive one?
Not being arsey, just interested in the terminlogy

I would not want to sit and listen to a man pontificating and telling me what to think, and the OP doesn't want to either.

"No thanks MIL, I'm not religious."

And repeat.

Yes, still an atheist. A subset of them. I'm not sure there's polling available but I'd think they're likely a relatively small subset (and every positive/stong atheist I'd also a negative/weak atheist in a sense).

God is whatever is the locus of your values - your decision making, your North star... if God does not sit in that throne, something else does. Often money, or pleasure

I wonder if the people encouraging to “just go if you like your MIL” would do the same if MIL was badgering her to go to the mosque…

I'm a Christian though not a fan of organised religion for the most part so I don't generally go to church much to my mums dismay.

I go on certain special occasions to keep the peace such as Easter and Christmas. She sees it as really nice that her family are together. I make it clear I won't be going every Sunday and she's not to keep asking.

It really depends on how strongly you feel about it - if you genuinely have other plans with your family then you go to that and dp could go to his mums and follow her plans and go to church with her.

I do think it would be a bit unfair if for every holiday occasion you are both only with your family and she's excluded to be honest. I'd be splitting it between you or taking it in turns across the year.

What does your dp feel about this? I think as others have suggested it's important for you both to be clear and open about expectations of each other in relation to family disagreement and future and children etc so you're both on the same page.

I don't see how that's rogue

If you were involved with a Muslim I don't see that as unreasonable

No, stand your ground (nicely) she needs to respect the fact that you are not religious

She is probably trying to ‘convert’ you so when it comes to the time of your own wedding you will have a church ceremony

She sounds a bit interfering and conniving

Saying ‘it would mean a lot to her’ when she knows you don’t want to go is manipulative, so she’d lose me at that point.

😂

Your partner needs to speak to his Mum and explain to her that he's not interested in attending church now or in the future. He understands her faith is important to her, and that's fine, but it's not to him, and therefore she needs to respect that. Whilst talking to her, he needs to tell her that you aren't religious either, and you won't be attending church. I'm not religious in the slightest, and I only attend church for weddings, funerals and christening - I didn't marry in church or have my son christened. It would annoy me, that someone. Isn't respecting my choices.

Her DP is not religious. His mother is.

Also just call the mother’s behaviour what it is - harassment.

It’s unfathomable to me that somebody thinks it’s acceptable to repeatedly ask somebody to attend something when they have repeatedly said “no”.

How many “no’s” are enough? She’s being disrespectful.

Her DP doesn’t attend Church. But It’s not clear whether he has faith or not.

Though I tend to agree that the “just go for MiL’s sake” type posts are poor advice.

Still an atheist.

we don’t have a monolith system of belief.

for example, I believe it is possible that a being exists that has something to do with our existence. I can also conceive of an individual that if met by a human would seem like what religions often interpret as a god. I just reject the entire concept that one individual is better or worthy of worship.

if you look at it as a thought experiment. Suppose we exist in some scientists Petri dish and the scientist has the power to pour us down the drain. Should we beg for our lives or should we start a revolution? I want to be the kind of species that stands up for ourselves, not the kind that grovels. We don’t have to use violence. We can use logic to explain why we should not be destroyed, but appealing to the scientists ego is not a worthy path.