For refusing to go to Church?

[TheGreyPony]

Me and DP have been together for 4 years and are newly engaged.

My family is atheist and DPs family is catholic (DP is not practicing any religion)

DPs family go to church every Sunday and special occasions (Easter, Christmas…)

DP doesn’t go to church expect for on Christmas Eve, which is mother states is extremely important to her.

She has asked me every year if I will go to church at Christmas with them, and I explained me and my family have our own traditions and it’s not something I want to give up.

She keeps asking DP and I to go to church on a Sunday with her. She says how much it would mean to them, and how sad she is that DP doesn’t take his faith seriously.
DP genuinely just can’t be bothered to go, and i genuinely could not care less about Church or anything to do with religion.

I am not “anti-religion” I just don’t believe it in at all and do find the whole thing ridiculous (don’t worry, I’d never say that to his family) I worry she blames me for DPs lack of faith, but I also find myself biting my tongue whenever something good happens (like I get a promotion) and she tells me to thank god - because I think, I did that on own, not God.

AMBU for refusing to go? I know it’s important to her, but I just don’t like religion and I feel like it would be more disrespectful to lie.
Should I pretend, and go to church to keep the peace? Or be true to myself?

Yes! please do this OP

My MIL was so happy when I made my DH go with her to church. He sat through 90 minutes of someone else's beliefs (mixed up with perfectly reasonable things like be nice to people and notices) and she was happy and proud that her son would do that for her and thrilled that she got to show him off to her friends and community. I think it's fine to accompany someone to something they think is important to them, it's just tolerance. Doesn't mean you have to take communion or sign up. If you don't like your MIL enough to do it then don't.

Your DP needs to tell her to back off! If she wants to believe in fairy stories, so be it, but you don’t want a part of that.

You’ll go to her funeral presumably, so not all is lost…

Or tell her you’re now a Wiccan and that you desperately want her to come to your next sky-clad coven ritual at the full moon.

So if OP asks MIL to join her at a meeting of the Atheist Society, or a lecture evening entitled “Why Only Fools Believe in God”, should she be obliged to go?

A one off lecture is hardly the same as a religion that someone follows faithfully and that come with a community of which they are part. Going to church with a parent who does is more like going to lunch at their aged friend whom you happen to find boring. Either you will do it and behave or you won't. No need to make drama.

well no
broken down they the same thing
An activity one believes in the content, and one does not
An activity where one feels connected to the subject matter or people and one does not
An activity where one is surrounded by likeminded people, and one is not

yet only one is expected to 'behave' and go along, why cant that be a 2 way street?
the religious may find the lecture boring, not connected to the subject or people and dont believe whats being said, just like an athiest would find a church sermon, so whats the difference?

Agree that you need to keep your foot firmly down on this one, OP.

If not, she's going to start in on expectations for her potential future Grandkids.

Tolerating means just allowing others to do as they wish - not getting involved yourself.

OP has no reason to do this, nor does her DP.

Because she's not likely to be happy with just one time, is she?

That would send the message that if she nags enough, she'll get what she wants.

I think pretending to believe in a religious thing is disrespectful to the people there who are into that stuff and disrespectful for the non believer being forced to go along with nonense they don't believe in.
Nothing wrong with saying I don't believe in that, so no point in me going.

I'm not claiming I know what is in your head and nor was anything I said sanctimonious (not sure what you think that means?) but I would be curious to hear you articulate how you understand God

@Apricotfuzz I believe that you are a sincere person and genuinely want to understand others' position.
Unfortunately you are micturating into a very strong breeze.

Atheists don't understand God because as far as they are concerned He/She (let's not use wrong pronouns here😄) doesn't exist, so there is nothing to understand.

There can be no meeting of minds on this topic.

It's like the posts we see about a couple who are at loggerheads because one wants a child and the other doesn't.
Being pregnant is an absolute. You can't be a "little bit pregnant". So there can't be any compromise there.

Don't waste your time burning up brain cells over this - it isn't worth it - and I mean that kindly. 🙂

@ChloeCannotCanCan That’s one of the main reasons I have such a problem with organised religion and particularly Catholicism - I think it’s responsible for great evils throughout the ages, some of which continue to this day. I can’t imagine supporting such an organisation.

As a matter of interest do you have the same criticism of Islam?

And I'm curious to know what "evils" you think are still being perpetuated by the Catholic Church?

There IS no god to understand. That’s what atheism means.

Listening to Madge from number 7 whingeing on about her daughter’s hysterectomy is hardly the same as actively partaking in a religious service you believe is utterly meaningless. I don’t think it’s “making drama” to refuse to go.

@WaterFeatures I've just got back from my "juvenile" church after spending the afternoon involved with work at our Food Bank.

Now I am fed & watered I can reply to your post.

It cracks me up that your ‘logic’ (which comes up with wearisome regularity on here) seems to be ‘A certain subcategory of fundamentalist Muslim has a tradition of inciting religiously-mandated murder as a response to perceived insults against their beliefs, therefore’ — what, exactly?
— ‘I wish the Archbishop of Canterbury/the Pope would also issue fatwahs, so I could legitimately run out and attack people being flippant about Jesus’?
— ‘I wish Christianity generated as much fear as fundamentalist Islam’?
— ‘I’d love to see Richard Dawkins in hiding for a decade because the parish of St Jude’s is baying for his blood’?
— ‘It’s what Jesus would have wanted’?
Listen to yourself.

I am at a loss at what this tirade is about and it seems to me you have your panties in a real bunch here. 🤔
I did not express any of these ideas which quite frankly I think are bonkers, so please don't put words in my mouth.

NB I am nor responsible for what other people post so don't drop it in my lap.

I am good friends with two people who say they are atheists and we don't ever discuss issues of morality/ belief.

I am a vegetarian who has meat-eaters as friends. We don't discuss the issues around this.

IMO all this is being mature and reasonable.

That is exactly what i said at 18.05. 🙂

As an atheist I understand God in the same way that you understand the tooth fairy or father christmas. All the same to me

I think the same of Islam. pretty evil
and paedo priests and huge cover up from the top in answer to your second question

Islam - absolutely, appalling religion responsible for the oppression and torture of millions. But this thread isn’t about Islam its about Catholicism which is responsible for perpetuating the poverty of many non- western countries by its evil opposition to birth control and abortion which could revolutionise the lives of countless women, rife homophobia, ongoing sexual abuse of children due in part to the enforcement of celibacy on its priests, and hoarding of wealth to give lavish lives to the leaders at the Vatican.

oh, I've just realised why you asked about islam in particular.
I think people feel more comfortable criticising that particular batshittery nowadays compared to a few years ago . I think people have lost patience with basically being threatened if you criticise it.
Always good to have open discussions

This demonstrates my point.

And I think pulling the whole ‘I’m just back after working at our food bank’ is quite the winning argument for Catholicism you think it is.

I spent yesterday at our wonderful, secular food bank where we help all those in need…