To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

I have a 9 year gap between my eldest and youngest. Things both would do at that age are ice skating, climbing wall (have a toddler bit), zoo, trampoline park (take a friend for the eldest), skate park (scooter for the 3yo), picnic and a walk, beach.
Alternatively, now mine are a bit older (11 and 13) and I’ve no time off over Easter, they’re happy to be left with a packed lunch, a door key and an activity suggestion. I’ve left a football and a picnic blanket out for them this week, which led to 5 hours in the park where they met up with friends. They ended up meeting the same friends for football and a sleepover the next day too. Another day I left a handful of change for the arcades at the bowling alley, another a new book, another a couple of pounds each and a suggestion they go out for ice cream. If the local pool was open I’d leave swimming stuff. Or I’d suggest a walk to a different park. I’ve also offered money to do jobs round the house… they haven’t taken me up on that yet!
You could maybe do similar some days and take the youngest out somewhere he’d enjoy?

Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about the 13yo socialising online. That was my eldest’s preference from 13-15/16, despite my efforts, but since then he’s taken up the gym, boxing (and stopped again), football (and stopped again), cooking for friends, warhammer…. All social and done out of the house. Since 16 he’s rarely been on screens and actively socialises in person. I think at 13, some of their friends aren’t allowed out, hence the tendency to socialise remotely!

Imagine in my day just sitting in front of a screen all day! It was rare.

Saying that we didn’t have the pressure to do days out and post them on SM. It just wasn’t a thing. We did have the odd trip out, mainly town center with mum to Tesco, library and that was a highlight 😂 and we were lucky we went abroad during the summer holidays, most years, and that was nice.
We were mainly left to our own devices, yes we watched tv but we played out much more in the warmer holidays etc. can’t remember at 3 but I highly doubt my mum did activities with us, it was the late 70’s -early 80’s so would have been parks as a treat, and again just left to play with toys. Some pictures consist of us playing in a swimming pool, park feeding ducks, and not a lot else, sat around the living room playing a lot.

at 13 we didnt go out with our parents much! None of my friends did, we pretty much entertained ourselves, outdoor pools in warm weather all day long, such fun. We played out in the fields, we went to the cinema , we went to town , we stayed in each others houses and watched videos. We went to the big local park, it was very very rare to sit on screens at home and not meet up. We would literally walk half and meet each other!

I made an initial post.
Since then I have returned to the thread to reply to posters , such as yourself and OP , who have quoted something I've said. Otherwise I've not engaged with the thread further.

Yes I have a viewpoint. Which is not the same as your viewpoint. You think me "judgemental and pedantic". You are entitled to think that. I am entitled to have my own thoughts on your viewpoint but I'm not going to continue an argument with you by telling you my thoughts on it other than what I have already expressed.In fact I told OP was leaving the thread and that was my intention but I wanted to reply to your insults first.

I assume you disagree with women who aren't mothers, or God forbid, men posting on MN. I'm sorry to disappoint you but yes I am a mother myself.

We weren’t glued to screens back in the day because there was nothing much to watch. You really can’t compare the two. If my favourite programmes or pop stars were on tap 24/7 you can be sure that’s what I would have wanted to spend my time doing.

I used to spend a fair bit of time in the 80s on my ZX Spectrum!

we had lots of videos and sometimes I watched back to the future and goodies on repeat 😂I guess you’re right about comparing the two, there is so much more now with screens, Netflix, prime, Disney, SM etc gaming etc. I still think getting out and about even for a few hours, is far better than sitting at home on screens all day, every day. There had to be a healthy balance. I have a teeenager, she can be like that but during the warmer weather as made plans to go out with friends and do different things. I kkow she’ll still be glued to her phone at times lol

Watertray for the 3 year old. Give them sponges, bottles, cups etc and let them loose. Car wash, water pistols, painting with water, the list is endless. Also chalk for outside. This is my go to when I can't be arsed with organising another day out. For every 2 days out I need 1 day at home so this routine works.

It wasn't your parenthood I was questioning, it was your gender

Well you really are going all out to be offensive to someone just because they have a different view point from you aren't you?

I do find it odd that men post on mumsnet

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit.

This is at the heart of your problems, delete social media and your life will improve no end.

I think we should all remember that just because you’ve chosen to be a parent or in a certain situation it doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to find it hard or challenging at times.

no one really knows what parenting or life with kids will be like until they’re actually in it and even then it changes and evolves so often due to many factors including life events, behaviour issues, jobs etc.

we’re all trying our best. X

My children were going to be sociable, great readers and love the great outdoors

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It was a well-intended fantasy!

Hahahahaha, mine too. She loves reading, everyone! No more than 2 hours screen time (TV only, natch) a day.

Nice while it lasted.

This is what I was thinking too. You complained that you were miserable, hated school holidays and you all ended up on screens in separate rooms. I get that the 13yo will be into gaming, but how does the three year old take herself off to a separate room on a screen while the mother is on her screen?!

She doesn’t. But she may occasionally be in a room
on a screen while I do a few jobs around the house.

I am aware it’s not great for young children to use screens a lot and I’m stricter with her usage than my 13 year old. But needs must sometimes.

The point I was trying to make was that when we are home, inevitably someone will end up on a screen at some point which is why I prefer to be out and about at least for some of the day.

I’d be surprised if that kept a 3 yo occupied for that long, especially if they don’t have a playmate.

Count your self lucky you didn’t have to do lockdown with more than one child !

For me personally school holidays are the best!! I can understand the age gap will be tricky for sure .

They are what you make it ..

I can totally sympathise. Whilst I enjoy break from school runs, early mornings and packed lunches I do feel pressure to fill the days. I can't take enough annual leave to cover all holiday days so I have to work from home which sadly does mean a lot more screen time for my two that I'd like. To make matters worse I don't drive so there's only so much we can do in our town. I have 13 year old and 8 year old. For 13 year old it appears that only activities that cost money are fun! In the past I was on really tight budget too so things like lunch in town or train trip were all financial struggle. I have friends who are teaches and sometimes take us out further afield on day trips or offer to take them off my hands when I need to work from home. Big girl met with friends couple of times, cinema trip and swimming. Both of mine still do swimming lessons so they can access leisure pool free of charge so we went together with just me having to pay. We tidied the garden, sow some seeds in pots. Little one has friends on our estate so she spent couple of days just playing out and on her bike or scooter. We did library and free workshops in gallery in town. This weekend there will be loads of baking for Easter and egg decorating. They both tidied their rooms while I was working, Big one empties dishwasher, gets washing on the line for me, walks the dog, makes lunches for them when I work. It's hard when it's just you and I understand the pressure and comparison is a killer but please rest assured vast majority of your kids friends aren't doing anything fancy.

That’s really rude and stereotyping to presume all 13 year olds “do sport”

It's mn. If your teen ds isn't 6ft, sporty and with a huge appetite, you've failed as a parent.

Hi op, how have you been getting on this week?

This expectation that parents should 'entertain' their children is a terrible burden. You really don't have to. For a good chunk of the holidays you just need to make sure they are safe, give them access to something nice to do such as toys or a garden, interact with them regularly during the day, and limit screen time (the hardest bit). If you take them somewhere nice two or three times a week that is plenty. Your 13 year old is old enough to arrange meet ups with friends if he wants to; if he can't be bothered, that is his problem; if he doesn't have any friends then that is an issue that needs addressing, but you entertaining him all the time won't solve it.

Depends very much on the child and the situation.

DD would find things to do for sure. Things that would involve me in considerably more hassle than taking her to the pool (or whatever) in the first place.

I wasn't "entertained" much as a child but expectations (on both sides) have changed.