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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate school holidays

202 replies

ghostface99 · 10/04/2025 23:49

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

OP posts:
nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 17:30

@Jgilg I’ve read your posts and honestly it does come across really unpleasantly.

Yes, it’s parenting our own children. And I would have thought Mumsnet of all places would be a place to appreciate that this can be bloody hard work, gruelling and relentless.

Thirteen year olds can be very difficult: moody and morose and know it all and critical. Three year olds can be defiant, surly, argumentative and bossy. Both can be prone to emotional meltdowns and both think they are more grown up than they are. My DS is four now so three is fresh in my mind and I found it a tricky age.

Nice weather can help but it can also add its own pressures in a funny way.

The OP hasn’t been unpleasant, so I’m not understanding why she’s attracted so many ‘I just don’t understaaaaaand’ replies and worse ‘oh I LOVE the holidays.’ It just reads very tactless and less than pleasantly, as does relentlessly arguing with her over - what?

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 17:42

nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 17:30

@Jgilg I’ve read your posts and honestly it does come across really unpleasantly.

Yes, it’s parenting our own children. And I would have thought Mumsnet of all places would be a place to appreciate that this can be bloody hard work, gruelling and relentless.

Thirteen year olds can be very difficult: moody and morose and know it all and critical. Three year olds can be defiant, surly, argumentative and bossy. Both can be prone to emotional meltdowns and both think they are more grown up than they are. My DS is four now so three is fresh in my mind and I found it a tricky age.

Nice weather can help but it can also add its own pressures in a funny way.

The OP hasn’t been unpleasant, so I’m not understanding why she’s attracted so many ‘I just don’t understaaaaaand’ replies and worse ‘oh I LOVE the holidays.’ It just reads very tactless and less than pleasantly, as does relentlessly arguing with her over - what?

None of us forced her to have kids and I'm not forcing her to reply to tell me how unfair my opinion is.

nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 17:45

Likewise, no one’s forcing you to reply, and it’s literally helping no one.

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 17:47

nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 17:45

Likewise, no one’s forcing you to reply, and it’s literally helping no one.

No, I'm choosing to. As is anyone speaking directly to me. I'm not unhappy about it or questioning anyone's right to.

BogRollBOGOF · 11/04/2025 17:47

I sympathise OP

My memories of 3 year olds is that they're not too bad to entertain but it is relentless and doesn't allow for much down time.

I've got a 12 and 14yo and they are an awkward age. We've also got additional needs in the mix to add barriers. I'd like to get out and do more stuff with them but they're just uninterested and we've done it to death over the years. Especially walks and parks. After 2020/21 they'd happily never see one again, and they have zero interest in our postage stamp garden. There are certain parks that DS1 despises and are a guarenteed meltdown. DS1 is also dyspraxic and loathes bikes. DS2 can't currently ride a bike or do much sporting activity due for medical reasons (so he's currently highly strung from not burning enough energy off)

They don't have friends in walking distance to casually hang out with. DS1 doesn't admit to having friends and has no desire to socialise out of school. DS2 mainly socialises over online gaming which is more flexible around his friends' contact time with family when they go away.

They're both very dyslexic so reading is a tedious, stressful chore not a pleasure. They're not generally crafty. DS1 does Warhammer but it's not a cheap hobby and needs pacing carefully. At a push he still Legos. DS2 can not draw at the moment because he's in a plaster cast.

They wind each other up chronically so shutting down tech and leaving them to entertain themselves just results in lengthy bouts of "brother baiting" which will result in upset. They haven't played nicely together in years. Things like board games always errupt into a row. DS1 has been known to stomp off before set up is complete. DS1 needs low sensory input and DS2 needs high sensory input so they just clash.

They just seem to be in a really awkward gap of being too old or too immature to fill their time constructively.
The thing that saves my sanity is a couple of structured sports continuing in the evenings, and both being old enough to leave for a few hours.

In the summer, we strategically go away in the middle of the holidays to break it into managable blocks. DH does pace leave through the year and uses a day or two here and there to break holidays up. I've also learned the hard way that DS1 in particular needs a buffer of a couple of low demand days to transition in and out of term/holiday mode, but he/ we do need to get out and about in the middle even if he hates it. His autism referral/ diagnosis followed a particularly gruelling summer holiday when he was 7 with several multi-hour meltdowns.

I love the DCs dearly. I've made huge sacrifices to meet their needs and time with them is not an idylic novelty. That doesn't stop it being hard to balance their desires to do very little other than numb their brains on computers with their need to use their bodies and change focus.

I'd love to go gambolling merrily around parks with them, play board games, cook, cycle rides or send them out to play with mates but that's not our reality and what actually happens is a few testy outings and lots of guilt about screen time. For perspective I try to remember that at the same age I was also into computers/ the SNES (pre-internet) although was more of a reader. DM certainly did not take me out umpteen times a week, and it was very much on her terms. I lived out of catchment so didn't go out casually socialising either.

So solidarity to all the loving mums out there who find meeting theirs and their children's needs over the holidays to be a slog. It doesn't mean we're doing it badly, and a lot of it is because we care!

Hellofreshh · 11/04/2025 17:50

Could you do a cinema trip with your 13 year old? Bowling even after your DH has finished work 1 day. Mini mornings for 3 year old £2.50 at the vue.

Some schools offer activities in the school hols. Ask around.

littleteapot86 · 11/04/2025 17:58

I hear you, OP. School hols can be hard. I have a smaller age gap (my kids are 8 and 4) but definitely still seem to find it tiring!! I'll have had both kids on my own for 4 days over this Easter break (my husband only 2). It's the lack of break that is so hard. Even when I've had them in the park for 4 hours, we come home and instantly it's "i'm hungry" "i'm bored" "will you play with me" etc. Argh, mum just needs a 5 min break!

Xmasbaby11 · 11/04/2025 18:02

I feel for you op - that is a hard age gap. Mine are 11 and 13, both girls with similar interests, so it is easy to find things they both like and they do play together while I am busy. My challenge is that I am off work but have a a study deadline so I can't spend a whole lot of time with them and only one or two days out. The 11yo can easily entertain herself and has lots of local friends, but the 13yo (who has ASD) doesn't really have friends and will be glued to screens if I don't monitor her. They are OK but I still feel sad for not having much time with them as they still enjoy time with me and I realise this may not last!

I guess you can do a mixture of things together and some just with one child. It does mean you don't really get to switch off, but hopefully your eldest is easy company.

Can you lengthen things like library trip by having a cafe trip as well or a wander round the shops and or a local playground? My 13yo isn't into playgrounds anymore generally but if I remind her to bring something, she'll read, or draw, or chat to me.

Swimming together?
Different park to usual with a picnic?

ghostface99 · 11/04/2025 18:05

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 17:42

None of us forced her to have kids and I'm not forcing her to reply to tell me how unfair my opinion is.

I honestly don’t care about your opinion. You’ve proven you just want to be contrary, pass judgement and make unnecessarily unpleasant comments such as I ‘can’t be arsed with my kids’ and implying they are better being brought up by schools and childcare. I’m not sure why this post has triggered you to be so nasty but it says more about you than me.

Obviously nobody forced me to have kids. Nobody forced me to get married or have friends either but occasionally I’ll still have a moan about them.

I suppose you are endlessly grateful and never get overwhelmed, annoyed, stressed or worried about anything in life. Congratulations. You are the superior human.

OP posts:
ghostface99 · 11/04/2025 18:08

To everyone who has offered advice, thank you. I’ve read them all but can’t reply to everything.

Today has been much better. Spent most of the day outdoors, went to two parks, crammed some cleaning and a tip run in too! Ds has had a hour or so gaming with his friends online and the toddler has been doing sticker books. Swimming tomorrow, cinema planned for next week when the littlest is at nursery. I’ve also spoken to Dh and told him to pull his finger out a bit more as well.

Sometimes it all gets a bit much and it’s easy to fall down the instagram lifestyle comparison but I’ve had a stern word with myself and I’ll be trying my best but not over complicating things.

OP posts:
Itchybritches · 11/04/2025 18:10

I used to feel like you, OP. I loved not having the school run, but the responsibility to entertain all holidays was occasionally overwhelming.
What worked for me was planning a week at a time and dividing the day up into am/pm/evening blocks.
Late pm, if we weren’t out, was for movies and a rest. A walk to the library could take up a morning. A local holiday club or sports activity would take up other mornings. Baking would be another. Once divided into blocks, it seemed more achievable.

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 18:12

ghostface99 · 11/04/2025 18:05

I honestly don’t care about your opinion. You’ve proven you just want to be contrary, pass judgement and make unnecessarily unpleasant comments such as I ‘can’t be arsed with my kids’ and implying they are better being brought up by schools and childcare. I’m not sure why this post has triggered you to be so nasty but it says more about you than me.

Obviously nobody forced me to have kids. Nobody forced me to get married or have friends either but occasionally I’ll still have a moan about them.

I suppose you are endlessly grateful and never get overwhelmed, annoyed, stressed or worried about anything in life. Congratulations. You are the superior human.

Then don't tell me it's really unfair on you that I feel this way about you, based (only) on everything you've shared about yourself

BeCalmNavyDreamer · 11/04/2025 18:24

I just do some enriching/exercise type stuff with mine and the rest of the time we chill. We don't have screen time limits, we just let them get on with it. We end up doing a mix of days out, going to the park, chilling at home. They are both turning out fine.
Honestly, take the pressure off yourself and let them get bored/watch TV/go online - as long as you do some good stuff with them as well it's all good.
I do get bored in the holidays though (I'm a teacher and partner not so it falls to me most of the time) - I'm not a kid and doing kid stuff/having kid conversations all the time is quite mind numbing - you can love your kids and find parenting boring all at once, there's no saintly law against simultaneous emotions.

Sunnysideup999 · 11/04/2025 18:34

I agree they are hard , and I agree your challenge is the age gap. I found it easier when mine were younger - hours at the park, picnics , books, garden time , jigsaws etc - but mine are older now - and at 9 and 11 years old all they want is screens.
we end up on endless day trips just to get off screens - but that is tiring and expensive .
I live in London so it’s easy enough to find things to do - museums, gallery’s, exhibits etc - but it is a lot of hard work and all day with little adult company is very hard.

My only words of wisdom - 1) you’re not alone - and 2) drop the mum guilt - they will be back in school soon - a few lazy days at home won’t hurt them.

EllieShelly · 11/04/2025 18:45

Backagainformorepunishment · 11/04/2025 04:25

I must say I don't understand why your children are all on screens if you don't keep them " entertained". Why on earth would a 3 year old be on a screen?
Don't they have toys and books? construction toys? Painting and colouring stuff? Don't they do imaginative play?

Probably because their older siblings do it, they copy them and their are plenty of old screens around the house. It's easy to judge, doesn't mean you have to

Bluedenimdoglover · 11/04/2025 18:46

When your husband is off next week, leave him to it with the children. Go out for a walk, have a break. If you collapsed with exhaustion they'd manage. Take yourself out of the equation and turn your phone off

Peony1897 · 11/04/2025 18:52

YANBU. Parenting now is just SO much more demanding than when we were little. 30 years ago your son would be ‘playing out’ most of the day, entertaining himself with friends, leaving just the 3 year old to occupy. The modern phenomenon of children being in the house 24/7 has lead to claustrophobic parents constantly doing days out, but that in turn leads to kids expecting endless entertainment. It’s a vicious cycle.

talawalawoo · 11/04/2025 19:20

@Jgilg

Seriously, just stop will you? Don't you think you've stuck the boot in enough?

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 19:27

talawalawoo · 11/04/2025 19:20

@Jgilg

Seriously, just stop will you? Don't you think you've stuck the boot in enough?

Do you always tell people to stop speaking over an hour after they last said something?

nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 19:53

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 19:27

Do you always tell people to stop speaking over an hour after they last said something?

your badgering and nit picking of the OP would be sailing very close to bullying if you were doing it in RL. It reads really unpleasantly and I’m not the only one who has noticed.

ScarletWitchM · 11/04/2025 20:11

My kids are now 21 & 16 so I don’t have these worries anymore, but in the past I did feel like you and I found that in the school holidays it worked best for us to plan 2-3 days out each week (where possible) & allow a bit of screen time and some games time at home the other days. You can look at days out where the teen might enjoy it and there is a park or play area for the younger child?

we live in London so museums were quite good for this - we also did day trips to places like Cadbury World, Bletchley Park, various castles etc.

A lot of the ‘making memories’ type of content you see on social media can make you feel like you’re not doing enough, but they never show you the tantrums and shit stuff that probably happened in between the lovely photos and videos

GingerDoris · 11/04/2025 20:41

We just go semi feral in the holidays. My husband is self employed so if he is off work he doesn't get paid so he generally leaves it to me to cover. I still work so we spend a few days at Grannies for entertainment. The other days the kids can have as much screen time as they want, they get to play with their toys, more or less entertain themselves. We will spend lazy mornings watching films if they want to, and pop out to the park if it's sunny. I generally just go with the flow. Some days we all spend the whole day in different rooms doing our own thing, and that's fine as it's time to relax. I see some people are out doing things every day, but I couldn't be arsed with that. Maybe a weekend out but the weeks off are for relaxing.

Backagainformorepunishment · 11/04/2025 21:01

EllieShelly · 11/04/2025 18:45

Probably because their older siblings do it, they copy them and their are plenty of old screens around the house. It's easy to judge, doesn't mean you have to

I just don't understand a parent allowing a 3 year old to sit alone in a room with a screen. It's sad beyond belief that that's what childhood has been reduced to for some children. The child will be addicted to " screens" before she even starts school. The problems that will result from parenting like that are huge.
If that's been judgemental then so be it.

blackheartsgirl · 11/04/2025 21:12

I had an 11 year age gap between my eldest and youngest. The two girls in between were five years apart too so it was tricky sometimes finding stuff to do but to be honest mine were all pretty good at either finding stuff to do themselves or understanding that they had to come with me when the youngest two did things that were more their age range.

we did National trust or days out with picnics, we all enjoyed that,
swimming
park
museums etc
Beach days.
even going for a drive. Ds who was the eldest got to sit in the front, and his sisters in the back, they all got a turn choosing the songs and wed go for miles up the coast with a picnic

we didn’t go out every day, sod that.

i did find that the older two did want to help with the youngest two, I’ve got photos of ds aged 14 pushing his 3 year old sister in the push chair, at a park that had a little farm, really interacting with her, we had a giggle as he sat in her pram with her teddy and she was pushing him. And we also got to chat. (The other 2 weren’t there for some reason)

All of them read, went on screens, played in the garden, or just chilled in front of the tv or on tablets in between times.

it’s as difficult as you want to make it. I was a single parent too

Jgilg · 11/04/2025 22:10

nearlysevenoclock · 11/04/2025 19:53

your badgering and nit picking of the OP would be sailing very close to bullying if you were doing it in RL. It reads really unpleasantly and I’m not the only one who has noticed.

I think you'll find I made one general comment on the thread sharing my view on the title and first post and then simply replied to the words the OP then said to ME in reply/quote/mention. She made numerous references which didn't relate to things I specifically had posted, but were just generally what she didn't agree with from others. It is by no means bullying to address them and the general tone, and point out that I was only judging information she chose to provide.

If it is deemed acceptable for most posters to address another directly and unprompted to tell them what you think / that you disagree with them / to stop speaking, then it is okay for me to give my opinion in the ways I have in response. I think that hating time when children are not required to attend compulsory education, due to being responsible for them yourself, is embarrassing.