To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

This, or playing with neighbours kids too

So in order to have your respect a parent must never complain or admit to struggling in any way? Gotcha.

Of course they are my responsibly. I want them to have a good, healthy holiday that’s all. It’s just hard with the juggling act. There are two of them with different needs and only one of me.

And fwiw I never ‘send’ my dc anywhere other than childcare and school. We have no family support and no breaks. This isn’t a problem. It’s just how it is. I honestly don’t know what your agenda is but it isn’t helpful, you’re just trying to kick a poster when they are already down and that is an attitude that I don’t respect either.

Dh has some time off next week. I will be working one of the days and then hopefully we can have some days out together when we will be able to divide and conquer a bit!

💯. It does sound as though you’re complaining about looking after your own children that you’ve chosen to have.

You can admit to struggling, but saying you hate holidays (when you have no choice but to take full responsibility) is problematic.

And 'fwiw' in return, sending them to childcare and school (nevermind anywhere else) really does give you much more time than you'd otherwise have. Surely you (and your partner) have accounted for the fact that sometimes one of you needs to be there for one or both of them, especially when it's only a small proportion!

Much more time to go to work 😂

It sounds to me like you are at the end of your tether so I would prioritise some time to yourself to recharge. So as soon as DH is home, leave kids with him and take the night off. And then make some time just for you at the weekend too.

That’s great but is that Good Friday or other days as well? It’s a two week holiday, so why isn’t he taking as much annual leave as you are? (Obviously I don’t know the work set up for you both). It just feels like most of the childcare is falling to you in the holidays.

The very vast majority of people need to work. And parents need to make their own provision for their kids. Arguably that shouldn't just be school and childcare. But maybe that's how some will be best brought up

I am with you on this. I have young kids and work. But love holidays. Once leave etc. is sorted, it's great.

You do sound a bit defeated, tbh, op

I think you need to stop thinking you need to provide a fantastic experience for your kids, all the time. Get off SM and everyone living their apparent 'best lives'.

Just incorporate the kids into your daily life: supermarket shopping, library, running errands, cooking, etc

It doesn't have to be complicated

Op, give us a rough idea of your location/area and we can make suggestions. Might help??

Is there any need really? I am posting for advice and suggestions on how best to manage a big age gap during the holidays. Perhaps my post came across a bit venty and that’s why people are trying to paint me as some useless, uncaring parent who is allowing her kids to sit on iPads all day. For those who are hard of thinking…that’s exactly what I’m trying not to do!

You sound deeply unpleasant and are offering nothing constructive to the thread.

Hi ghostface , I hope you are feeling ok.

I think you are feeling overwhelmed by always being the one to do all the thinking and the planning and the doing. Don't underestimate how much this can drain you, as well as working, family/ relationship issues.

You will be amazed by how different you would feel if someone else took charge for a change.

But if thats not a possibility at the moment take a brake, take the pressure off. Keep it easy and simple. A 13 year old and a 3 year old have lots in common. Do you remember any nice low effort/ low cost simple things you enjoyed doing when you where young? Take it back to basics.

It seems like you feel so disconnected from your own life, you don't seem to be able to enjoy anything. I feel like this often as well,just frozen, robotic trying to get through the day. Lots of people feel like this and you have every right to feel knackered. It's the 'village' that's missing its not anything you can control.

Stay away from social media if you can, reconnect with yourself and what makes you happy. Good luck.

Sometimes being a parent is exhausting and relentless and there’s nothing wrong with venting about it.

I love my kids to bits and really enjoy spending time with them. But sometimes I too hate the holidays as it is such hard work!

loving your kids and finding parenting bloody draining are not mutually exclusive. You can easily experience both.

I'm with you OP.

My 2 fight absolutely constantly so having them together is just awful. I spend the whole time trying to meet 2 massively differing needs, and refereeing fights.

When DH isn’t around the help divide and conquer, the days can be awful.

Yes I hate the long relentless days too.
We find holiday clubs are the best thing. A local nursery to us runs a holiday club for kjds age 5 to 11 and its really cheap. The local church runs a messy play drop off type thing for littel ones and i put my eldest in football camp.
I also book my eldest onto residential trips with PGL, and there are other similar ones you can book for the older ones.kf tou can split them up into age appropriate clubs for some of the days it will feel less relentless.

I think everyone that is saying about walk more and limit screens is missing the point too. There are maybe 14 hours a day to fill in the holidays. No amount of crafting and walks and trampoline parks can fill all these hours. Sometimes I feel completely crafted and baked out, we have done a walk, gone to the library etc and still there are another 7 hours of waking time to fill. It is relentless.

Sorry you've had so many unhelpful replies.
It's absolutely fine to say that you're struggling with the school holidays, although some people have taken your title very literally. It takes a pretty limited imagination not to see the difficulties in entertaining kids with such different needs.
I long ago learned not to compare us to other families/ social media, I think we all know that in theory but it's easy to fall into that trap sometimes, especially if you're a bit fed up.
All you can do is the simple stuff like library, park etc. Are there any open farm type places near you? That might work if they have a good range of activities.
Don't worry too much about screen time for your older son, as long as he is getting plenty of exercise and some family time as well.
Mine were very resistant to coming for walks or on family outings at that age so I know it's not easy.

This is true. I have a 15 and a 9 year old, and this holiday I've had to work quite a bit, sometimes leaving them at home together for a few hours, which has screwed the dynamic, because I come home tired in need of a rest, and they're lounging around in pyjamas bored and expecting me to come up with ideas for them 🙄. The 9 year old (suspected autistic) has been especially whiny, and I've had to start having firm words with him about entertaining himself, and today in fact he did get a jigsaw out.

The other problem is the good weather- it sounds weird, but DS2 would rather be inside, while DS1 and I love to get out and about. We're currently at the beach- DS1 has brought a friend and they're having a whale of a time, DS2 is sitting there looking martyred reading a book 😆. It will honestly be easier when it rains tomorrow- DS2 will be happy doing baking, DS1 won't be bugging me for lifts to the beach, and we can all watch a film later (except there are very very few films all 3 of us enjoy🤦‍♀️)

Did someone leave the door open at the smug parent farm?

I haven't mentioned iPads, that was you. And I'm certainly not hard of thinking just because you chose to quote me rather than any of the other views you don't like.

We can all see that you're asking how to cope with having to spend your free time parenting your own children. I haven't misinterpreted or misquoted you. (You really did ask if you were being unreasonable to hate school holidays - as if they're there just to thwart your imagined child free lifestyle)

And I'm not going to give you suggestions of little activities to occupy your kids. I think they are plenty old enough that you should have got used to spending time with them when you're the one in charge and the one they need. You can impose a routine if that helps them and you or you can give them some downtime. Not every second needs to be filled with plans, and of course not everyone else is having the time of their life with unlimited funds and support. Some people haven't even got that option of spending time with their kids and recognise that it's work and school commitments that are actually getting in the way of what is very normal and naturally preferable.