To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

This!

kids don’t need entertaining all the time.
they have wild, limitless imaginations that if left to their own devices can create all manner of mischief and fh .
Every time you curate every moment or leave them to screens you’re robbing them of time to be creative.

I find the parents who love school holidays the most are the ones who get the most help with them. I read a thread on here ages ago where a mum was saying she loved the holidays and then casually mentioned her kids were sent to grandparents for a week !

I find the parents who love school holidays the most are the ones who have easy children, and partners who are equal parents. Both of these applied to me wgen my dc were younger. I was lucky to have kids who got on brilliantly with each other and were easily entertained, plus an energetic husband who was a fully competent parent and who had the whole school holidays off like me (teachers). No extra help from extended family needed.

Yes, easy children help too.

Equal parents is a bit of a funny one though...I'm a sahm...DH had to work in the holidays. This meant i was pretty much on my own during working hours in school holidays....this isn't because he's an incompetent parent....he isn't. He had no choice but to go to work.

Our children will use screens throughout their life. It's hardly like the 3 year old is going to be on the dark web or being groomed by nefarious figures. They're probably watching cartoons like children have since before my parents were kids. My parents would stick me in front of the telly for a bit of peace and quiet, didn't yours? I think the moral outrage of kids and screens is overplayed.

The main worry about young children being on screens is the detrimental affect it has on their development.
And the conditioning that life revolves around technology.
And the inability to have the capacity to amuse themselves - as OPs older child seems to have- without a screen.

If your parents stuck you in front of the tv for a quiet life and used the tv as a babysitter for you it has obviously conditioned you to think this is normal.
If people " want a quiet life" the answer is don't have children, not have children and spend your time trying to shut them up and teach them not impinge on your life.

My older child is perfectly capable of amusing himself. He does gravitate towards screens and so do all of his friends. They play together, it’s a social thing and if you’re not aware of that I’d say you’re fairly out of touch with the reality of teens these days. However he is very sporty, loves to read and there are certainly no developmental or emotional issues with either of my kids.

My 3 year old occasionally will have 20 minutes in front of a screen so I can get stuff done. It isn’t hours on end. She is not ‘addicted’ and it isn’t beyond sad ffs. It’s beyond sad that some children grow up with abuse or neglect, watching a few cartoons on an iPad now and again is not that.

As you can see from my post I am actively trying to reduce screen time by finding other stuff to do with my dc. It isn’t about them impinging on me, it’s navigating the logistics of a big age gap during the holidays.

Genuine question? Do people really leave their 3 year olds with 13 years olds and leave the house? Not judging just asking?

When ours got older, pre teen, I taught them life chores.

cleaning floors
changing their bedding
tidy rooms
recycling

music on do some stuff together and tick off jobs

(they will be mowing lawns thus summer)

I think it would be fine for popping to the shop, posting a parcel sort of things, I personally wouldn’t for hours or anything. It does depend on the thirteen year old and the three year old though.

You said in your first post that you all ended up in different rooms on screens.
That is a totally different picture from the one you are now painting.

I think my Granny's concern about me watching TV was a long the lines of developing square eyes.
I'm finding you a little aggressive for me. I have other things to do on a Saturday morning than chatting to aggressive people on the internet.

I'm not being aggressive.
I'm presenting a different point of view which you obviously are taking very personally.

I said if I didn’t make the effort to get them out then it would probably be what they gravitate to. The 13 year old mostly. The toddler is very easily entertained with other things but will have the odd short stint on the iPad so I can get stuff done.

Your eldest should be spending a lot more time with friends. Trying to find activities for a 3 and 13 year old is tough as hell.

You need to speak to his friends parents and arrange for him to go to theirs for a day and then you return the favour. Make sure you ask parents what they’re comfortable with in regards to their child going out alone for a trip to the park, skateboard park etc and give your son and his friend time out alone.

Book your eldest into day camps for a day or two to break things up. He’ll be socialising, being active and using his mind.

And finally make it known in advance that your husband is to book time off for school holidays. He can take your eldest out alone to bond. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy expensive. A bike ride and picnic, fishing, park trips etc.

She’s saying that’s what happens when they spend too much time at home

it’s clear she does get them out a fair bit but is finding it challenging because of the age gap and probably also the fact that if you breathe too much when you’re out and about you spend £60!

No lunches to be made, no school uniforms to be washed, no homework to be supervised and checked- dinner at a normal time if I’m not working, kids can sleep on in the morning when really tired- I think I might be the opposite to you op!!! I will say so much of my day is aimed at bribing them re screens, no nagging at them in the evening if they get outside/ pick up a book/ do some drawing, help with cleaning etc during the day. I also make sure to stay off screens as much as possible myself and play at least one board game/ some games of chess or drafts with them (if left to it I know I’d clean or be on screens all day!)

I'm sorry OP I'm really not trying to have a go at you.
I do feel you keep changing the goal posts as regards the information and impression you are giving about your situation.
I'm not going to post on the thread anymore because I understand I'm not being helpful.

I used to be in this position with the kids in school holidays. A 13 year old will not want to hang around with you much of the time unless you have gone somewhere amazing. I would take the 3 year old out somewhere everyday, even if it's just the park or somewhere simple. Then think of something you can do that includes 13 year old on the occasional day. I can't remember many successful combinations to be honest, unless a friend was there for the older one (in my case eldest would have been 11 though). We did swimming, with extra friend, zoo, theme park (but only if DH there to go on fun things for the eldest), day trips to London.
It's normal for the 13 year old to want to go on screens a lot. I did sometimes pay my eldest to look after the youngest for a couple of hours, either in the garden to at the nearby park when I wanted a break!

Sounds like you’re doing a great job to me. It is hard and even though I do a fair bit of stuff with mine there will inevitably be a day or 2 where you feel rubbish and like you’re failing.
especially if one (or both) your kids are being stroppy and your husband is not even acknowledging the additional everything you’re doing while they’re not at school.
the mums on here with the criticism and ‘why don’t you just….’ Probably had a good day with theirs yesterday and are not in that headspace. It’ll possibly switch next week!

I’ll be honest, I felt the opposite way, OP - I hated term time. School holidays never seemed long enough.

DH worked away a lot so I had to get a bit creative at times to find things that worked for all three children, were affordable, and also doable on public transport.

There were a lot of double decker buses involved (where obviously we had to sit at the top) and many packed lunches so we could stay out all day. We had a lot of fun. And a lot of sleepovers, and nights with the older ones in the tent in the garden.

But it was so, SO much better than the morning rush, the overtired and grumpy after school hours, fights about homework, all that crappy school time stuff. School got the nice hours, I got the rushed or tired bits either side.

I’ve only read the OP’s posts but she seems to have had quite a hard time of it on here. I have just the one (now 15) but have found the teenage holidays pretty hard, so to balance that with a 3 year old as well sound challenging.

Obviously, your DH is an issue here, so for the summer holidays I would properly plan with him how you’re going to manage this. Get everyone involved in drawing up a list of what they like to do - swimming, bowling, cinema, trampolining, seeing a play, going for a meal, museums, day trip, beach, walk, checking out different parks, going on a train ride, visiting friends, seeing family - those are some I can think of that would suit both - and then look at ones for the DC separately.

What I have always found hard with holidays at any age (same with weekends, in fact) is the lack of routine and structure for me. Never thought I was a routine person but it turns out I really, really am.

I think most comments have actually been quite helpful. I try not to react to the pointlessly nasty ones but it is hard when people imply you don’t care and can’t be bothered with your dc. If that were the case I wouldnt have posted in the first place!

I suggest a little self reflection. You seem to be challenging everyone very aggressively. You come across as highly judgemental and pedantic. May I ask,are you a mum, yourself?

Try your local Wildlife Trust for activities, they often do free things that are fun for all ages.