To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

I feel for you but tbh your partner is the core issue here. He simply needs to step up. He might not mean to create this situation, but sometimes people just don’t do anything if not explicitly told to.

You need to speak with him about this. Come up with a fair proposal like he is responsible for 2 days in a week and you the other 3 (each family is different). Coordinate on the activities and agree on some guidelines on things like screen time.

Lots of good suggestions here on what to do with the children, but it will mean nothing if they all fall on you.

He might be more willing to help than you think. Good luck.

I think this boils down to your DH to be honest. Have you had to take the whole two weeks of the Easter holidays as annual leave? What has he taken off?
My kids are older now but we’re lucky enough to have a large park quite near to us and also the coast is only about a 10 minute drive/30 minute bus ride (I don’t drive). Mine have a 5 year age gap and I’d pack up a picnic and go to the park or the beach. If you can meet up with other mums with children then even better.
Also, we had a Friends and Family railcard and back then (no idea about now) kids could travel to London for £1 each. So again, I’d pack up a picnic and sit on the South Bank, get on a tube to Covent Garden to watch the street entertainers etc. It was a whole day out for about £20.
Like I said, I don’t drive, so sometimes we just got on the bus and did a whole loop of the town on it!!! My kids were clearly easily pleased! 🤣
Anyway, bottom line is that your DH needs to take some of the strain of the school holidays too.

I always find the holidays go past too quick and I don't have time for everything I planned to do!! Mine are teens now but it was the same when they were little. In your situation I would definitely be trying to involve some of ds1 friends. Beach, and national trust type places with playgrounds suit all ages. Agree with bike ride with 3 year old in a bike seat, if you have bikes. Get out in the garden.
Put timer on screens. The kids have plenty of alternatives.

Have you actually read my posts. This is what I am trying to do. And I do work as well. Thanks.

I understand how you feel
I have a mixture of age ranges too it can be hard to keep everyone happy

Definitely don’t feel like you have to entertain them both 24/7

Does the older kid do stuff with friends? Go out with them or to their houses to the day?

We try to mix up the days with play dates, errands days, chill days and days out or going to the park

Can you stick the young one in a buggy and have a nice walk with the older one? Or they can take their headphones and listen to something and the little one may fall asleep?

Days out can be cheap such as the beach if you take your own food , or other places just take packed lunches

Honestly for your 13 year old I wouldn't worry about it if all he wants to do is 2 weeks of screens.
My friend is a high school teacher and said she knows when they go back to school which kids have been left to just chill out however they want and which kids have been "entertained" with days or and activities
The ones left to chill however they want are the ones that come back refreshed and ready to learn the ones that have been "entertained" all holiday return just as knackered as they left!
Plus he's 13 so in year 8 or 9 so this is potentially the last Easter where he can just chill seeing as schools are starting to get kids to sit GCSEs in year 9, 10 and 11 now!

Tulips are in at the moment could you all go for a nature walk?

I'd ask DH to take 1 day off to give you a break outside the house for a solo walk and a lunch maybe?

Be proactive OP, tell what you want - he's not engaged the least he can do is follow instructions!

The mental load is so so high in holidays and the guilt too. Try not to judge yourself get through and they'll be back at school soon x

I have an 8 year age gap, each time between 3 children. I have never found it to be an issue, in fact it has always been great. Both times, when I had a three year old, I also had an 11 year old. They loved doing things with their sibling because 11 is an age where they might feel a bit old for a park etc but if they are with their younger sibling it is fine and have enjoyed seeing them have a great time too. Three year olds can be hard work but they are also a great amount of fun. Can't you go for a day out in a farm if you have one near you? Take food. It doesn't have to cost a lot. My three are now 14, 22 and 30 and my 14 would happily go on a day out literally anywhere or go swimming, drive to another town and look round and go to a cafe, go to a country park. Admittedly nothing is actually free but it doesn't have to cost loads. Have you asked him what he wants to do? The weather is so nice too. If it was raining the whole holidays I could understand but it is too nice to do nothing.

My husband works in London and often left the house at 6am and returned after 9pm. I was a stay at home mum. Him taking time off work during school holidays to help me entertain the kids was a ridiculous suggestion. What are you finding so hard?? Kids don’t need constant entertaining, don’t want them on screens? Take it off them? Get them outside, give them fun crafts, puzzles, walks, bike rides…enjoy your children!!! Mine are now both at uni, my husband has passed away and the house is empty and silent…I wish for the days of a full house that you complain of..blink and they’ll be gone so enjoy the children while you can..

Do you have a games console? I know you're trying to reduce screen time, but games you play together can be fun, and it's very different from sitting in separate rooms on devices.

I have an almost 13 year old too who can be a bit rubbish at organising stuff with his friends but if I remind him then they usually end up on their bikes making jumps and playing out for hours. He does need a bit of a nudge though otherwise he would also spend all day on his Xbox. And I wouldn’t be happy with him being glued to his Xbox all day every day for 2 weeks. My youngest is 9 so a different age gap but my friend has 3 and her youngest is 4. She finds trampoline parks great to entertain them all and some do monthly memberships not too expensive. She also takes them to the beach and things like bowling. Little one is just happy to bowl and oldest one competes with her so it’s fun! I’d also take the younger one out and leave older one at home a few times to chill.

We have that age gap (but with more kids) & when they were that age the things that worked were-
anything with animals (feed the ducks, walk to spot the lambs, farm park (council - free), zoo membership)
Anything with water (swimming/ paddling/mini beast hunt in the river/at shore or water in the garden)
anything with food 🤣 (my late teens still come on the "ice cream walk" now!)
interesting places - we used our historic Scotland membership constantly, NTS is trickier with a 5 yr old
also used to spend lots of time at the free Science Festivals they usually cater for a wide age range so worth seeing what you have locally
The library!

(Personally I would just ban screens until after 4pm or similar, none of ours had screens at 5 & at thirteen they were severely restricted )

Have you heard of Geocaching? It can be a free activity to start with and should interest both age groups, they are everywhere whether you are in town or country. Look it up, it’s great fun.

School hols when you are skint is a struggle, especially with an older child. We never had much money either, I could stretch to one paid activity per week (cinema, swimming etc) but that still leaves you with another 60 hours to occupy a child.

I’m not sure where you’re located, but the weather’s been absolutely beautiful this week and there is loads to do. Plan some days out to the beach or a zoo. If you’re miserable, the kids will be able to sense it and that’s just not fair. Bit puzzled about the three year old sitting alone with a screen!

@mummybear35 the OP is working too - not really the same is it?

You ARE coming across like you can't be arsed with your own children, despite what some PP think.

School isn't supposed to be the default for life. It's hugely important, but so is time with your family. Days off school aren't 'hours to fill'. Having two children and needing to meet their needs is far easier than than what you send them off to for 50% of the year, which isn't there to make your life more convenient.

I think that’s very unfair. If I couldn’t be arsed with my kids then I wouldn’t be spending time worrying about how to make their holidays full and fun. I’d pack them off to their rooms with their screens and have done with it.

It’s ok to admit you’re struggling. Which I am, and I’ve acknowledged it’s to do with having kids at different ages with different interests and capabilities. It doesn’t mean I can’t be bothered with them or that I don’t enjoy spending time with them. School isn’t about sending them off so I don’t have to deal with them but I admit I do thrive and cope better with routine and structure.

There have been loads of helpful comments with suggestions of things to do but I suppose with this being aibu there will always be one or two ridiculous comments suggesting that I’m a shit parent just because I’m not enjoying every minute. It’s very predictable.

I think you need to stay off social media for a while OP, seeing people with their perfect holidays and perfect days out are anything but, EVERYONE with kids finds it stressful and relentless to some degree, comparing yourself to that is doing nothing to make you feel happy.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Let the 13 year old enjoy his break the way he wants to, if that means he games or sits on screens most the day then let him, it's his holiday too, but as a trade off choose some activities that are compulsory, like having a games night, or like you say going to the park (take a picnic), taking the dogs out once a day etc., walking to the shops together to get ice cream, forget big days/activities and just keep it simple, split the day up into sections, of course you could also leave the 13 year old at home and pick some days out with the 3 year old, then swap next week to keep age appropriate things separate.

You could really do anything with the 3 year old, I'm outside digging up our garden and mine has got her own set of tools and wheelbarrow so is "helping" me, we've got a fairy garden that we keep adding bits to, she brings a lot oh her indoor toys outdoors and she's got a sand pit and water table, I can then go and have a sit down with a cup of tea for half an hour and she keeps going! Or you could ask the 13 year old to watch them for 30mins/an hour while you have a bath or do what you enjoy.

It's never going to be relaxing with a 3 year old, and it does sound like that is the part you are struggling with, but stop trying to be mum of the year and try and enjoy YOUR time off as best you can too, you'll soon be back at work and back to the daily grind.

I didn't call you a shit parent, but I do think everything you've said (and continued to say in your defence) points to an attitude I don't respect, which isn't at all ridiculous.

You aren't supposed to enjoy every minute and you also you aren't supposed to complain about having nowhere to send your kids to make your own life easier.

It's not the forum, it's your opinion that's the problem - am I unreasonable to hate the school holidays? There's no break... Yes. They're your kids and your responsibility.

An activity that both might enjoy...put a few little toys/gems/etc into a balloon and fill with water. Tie the end and put it in the freezer. When it's frozen, peel the balloon off so you have an ice egg filled with treasure. Give them various tools (salt, knives, cheese grater etc) and let them 'mine' the treasure. My two loved doing this when they were younger and my 12 year old would still happily do it 😆

My two DC (15 and 12) both enjoy Warhammer. It's a really time consuming hobby as you have to build the models, paint them, then learn a million rules to battle with them. DH used to play when he was a kid, so it's his 'thing' to do with them on his days off.

My two can still be lured out with Pokemon Go, especially if there is an event on.

There is a website called Treasure Trails where you can download treasure hunts/scavenger hunts based on finding things in your local area. We've done them before and enjoyed them. The three yr old probably wouldn't 'get' it but might enjoy just being out and about.

The kids are also her husband's responsibility!

I’d not overthink it, take the pressure off yourself to feel like you have to constantly entertain them, maybe do something every other day and let the teen chill on alternate days.
you said eldest likes a kickabout in the garden, I go in goals for mine & they take shots.. I’ve got quite good and we have a laugh.The little one would enjoy that too.
Whilst the weather is nice, let them alternate choosing/ making picnic lunches. for the park or just the garden.
give them both a super soaker & watch from the window ☺️
on a wet day, challenge your teen to build the best den for your youngest with stuff found in the house.
movies for juniors one morning is cheap & cheerful.
Does you eldest go out with mates for an hour here and there ? You could see if there’s somewhere he fancies going pool / bowling & drop him & collect him later whilst you and the youngest do something else ?

I know you’ve probably thought of lots of these things, but just small activities a few times a week is enough. Ignore the social media of the constantly activity busy family, a friend is always doing something with her family, they’re mostly arguing with each other in between the photos.

Doesn't sound like your husband has much of a relationship with his children. Why doesn't he take them out to the park? Kick a football around? Take them swimming? Climbing? Cycling? Out for a walk?

Millions of fun things he should be doing with them and that you should all be doing together. You shouldn't have to be the only one planning stuff, OP.

Quite! I posted earlier asking what time the husband has booked off over the holidays!