To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

Next half term can you not just go to work as normal for a couple of days and tell your husband he needs to take annual leave and be in charge of the kids for those days? Once he sees how it is he may be more proactive in helping you come up with activities. It won't be long until the 13 year old will be off doing his own thing during the school holidays.

I really don't understand this at all. Why have kids and then bemoan that you have to actually spend time with them, cannot ship them to school for most of the day and have to actually (gasp) DO something with them. Ok sure, nobody's a saint, kids do tend to get on ones nerves sometimes, etc. But if you dread spending two measly weeks with your own children, then why did you have them?

I love school holidays, my favourite time. I wish there would be more of them and they'd be longer. Like the three month summer holidays of my childhood, bliss.

This isn’t how I intended it to come across. I love my dc and I do enjoy spending time with them. I struggle because it’s hard meeting both of their needs at the same time for 2 weeks on my own, I always end up feeling like I’m not doing enough or making the most of the time. This is down to the age gap, which yes I obviously chose. But I think I was very naive and didn’t quite realise how tricky it would be until I was actually in the situation.

Anyway please be assured that I don’t hate
my dc and I do like spending time with them. That really isn’t the case.

Stuff like bowling or crazy golf are suitable for both kids’ ages surely?

We couldn’t get any annual leave so the kids are in holiday club for the entire holidays, save the bank holidays 😞

Don’t feel pressured to make the holidays an adventure every day. Have some “boring” days at home as kids need to be able to entertain themselves, one or 2 days out, tell DH in advance to check whether he can get a couple of days off. Trying to fill every day by yourself is hard work!

I have a 13 year old and a 3 year old so I understand the difficulties with the age gap and keeping both kids entertained. But my 3 year old has no iPad etc and she rarely watches tv. I create activities for her that take about 10 mins to prepare the night before so at least in the morning i can sit down and have a coffee etc.

13 year old has a friend up the road so he’s been out on his bike a lot with him. I won’t allow him to sit on his screens too much at all. He is allowed to game, he works hard at school (Iong days private school) but he’s not allowed hours on end. I will get him to read or even just help me out around the house or to watch his sister so I can get on.

if my youngest is causing havoc we just go out. I print scavenger hunts off (literally ticking off stones, ants, clouds…) and go around the neighbourhood if I have to.

I also don’t feel pressure that I ’have’ to do things. We did go to Legoland before the other schools finished, and I have taken my eldest to see the new Minecraft movie but apart from that I haven’t spent an awful lot. Get off social media, it’ll help. I have deleted my Facebook/instagram etc.

I’ve been laid up in bed most of this holiday. My kids are allowed screens till 10:30 and from 5pm in between they’ve entertained themselves in the garden, chalks painting obstacle courses cricket, they’ve taken themselves off to do Lego, read books.

we’ve done two trips out one to the doctors and pharmacy for me with a supermarket thrown in for essentials. My mum took us to the bookshop and library.

mine are 9 and 11 and luckily get on most of the time.

holidays are time for them to be kids and chill out! Try and join them!

I don't hate my dc either but I found holidays a struggle.

It's really unfair to criticise mums who find them difficult. Not everyone has loads of help, a huge support network, loads of money and children who are easily pleased.

When it was school holidays, it was pretty much just me and the DC...I never had a break for weeks on end especially in the summer. Everyone's situations are different.

We also have nearly a month off over Easter too 😂 so again, I do understand the pressure there. But I don’t do things every single day! We can’t afford to. I am lucky my son has a school friend up the road as they go out most the day and if not, I get him to come out with me and youngest!

How old are you if you don't mind me asking...three months of summer holiday decades ago...? I bet you had more freedom and less screens than children nowadays? I bet your mum didn't have to entertain you for every minute of every day?

Tell your 13 yr old that you’re going to do a bit more over the next few days and come up with a plan with him.
Make a list of parks, forests, beaches and museums near you.
Maybe an aquarium or zoo nearby?
look on Groupon. I found some really interesting smaller places near me that my dc enjoyed which were really cheap with groupon vouchers.
Is your 13 year old into any sports? There might be some park tennis sessions, football or multi sports camps near you that he could attend for a day or two. Look at your councils website and see what they’re running for kids.
Take them to the swimming pool.
Is there anywhere interesting for a day trip?
An interesting town or a castle?
Get the dc to help choose, buy and pack picnic items.
Get out every day, especially if the weather is good.
On days where you’re mostly at home, get dcs involved in chores, watch a documentary with them, play a game with them, have a movie night with them. So these things separately or together.
There are some movies that they might both watch like the lion king or a documentary about sharks.

Not everyone is on holiday (I don’t know anyone who is) but that doesn’t mean you all can’t have a good time and some interesting experiences.

I think you need to be careful that because your 13 year old is much older that your 3 year old having more screen time than needed will feel normal.

I would agree some ground rules with the 13 year old like x amount per day or unlimited but come off for whatever you decide during the day. With the 3 year old limit it then have things set up for them, encourage their play with drawing, play dough etc
Have a focus for getting out but enjoy being in as well. Can’t you encourage your 13 year old and say you’re happy to provide snacks for friends coming round then you can focus on the 3 year old?

I have a 10 year age gap as well, it can be tricky I used to invite my older sons friends along for days out so they could go off together and I’d play with my youngest , for example a outdoor play area the older ones would climb or go on the go karts then we’d meet up for our picnic . Everyone was happy . Could you not arrange for older Ds friends to come to house and then hopefully he can spend a day at his friends house leaving you time to do activities with youngest?

Surprise, surprise, you are getting loads of posts about what you should or shouldn't be doing in order to be more Pollyanna. I am childfree, but just want you to know, your feelings are valid. I have heard you. Good luck mate x

Talk to your husband about a family budget specifically for holiday stuff. If he's going to be lazy and never do anything he can at least chip in cash! Get the 13 year old organising activities and costing them. Good life skill. If husband moans, show him the daily rate of holiday camps and suggest you work through summer half term!

Also do something nice for yourself the week before or the week after each school hols. Definitely helps psychologically.

No solutions or finger-pointing from me. I am with you - term time is the good life! We all thrive with routine in our house. I hate juggling work with childcare and like you we can’t afford to go away all the time. So you have my sympathy!

That age gap makes it hard. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over the 13 year old, if they can do one activity a day, even just a walk, and the rest is screens then so be it. Not like Easter holidays are long.

This might be really unhelpful, but when the weather is nice and I'm skint, I give the kids a bucket of water and some paintbrushes and ask them to "paint the fence". They think it works because it changes colour with the water. Appreciate it's too juvenile for your oldest but it would free you up from the youngest to play outside with him.

Putting aside all the sanctimonious "why aren't your children playing " crap on this thread, it's obvious to me that your issue is that you want more out of the holidays and you would love your dh to step up a but more. I get that. I have had to have quite a few "discussions" with dh to get him to think about the holidays. He's still quite bad at the general planning and thinking but the dc are quite good at telling him what they want to do and he has to action it! 😀

In the case of your time with the dc alone, I think realistically with the 3 year old who needs almost constant supervision, you have to let some stuff with the older one go. Encourage him to meet up with friends if you can - sometimes I have to toss multiple ideas out to ds before anything sticks - or suggest you take both kids to the pool for example and ask if he wants to bring a friend. We have a couple of places within relatively easy reach with water slides etx so that's the one time we can get older ds and a buddy to join dh and younger dd for example. Ds also went to a movie with a buddy the other day that buddy's mum organised. And definitely camps for a day or two are good if you can encourage that.

With dh for nect week I woukd come up with something he has to do with one or both kids and just tell hi. Even book it if necessary. Or take yourself out for a day and leave him at home with them.

The more you entertain them the more they expect you to. Leave them to it and let them be bored

We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

Your job as a parent is to prevent this happening. Stop putting the blame on your working husband and take responsibility for the children YOU are at home with.

This isn’t how I intended it to come across. I love my dc and I do enjoy spending time with them. I struggle because it’s hard meeting both of their needs at the same time for 2 weeks on my own, I always end up feeling like I’m not doing enough or making the most of the time. This is down to the age gap, which yes I obviously chose. But I think I was very naive and didn’t quite realise how tricky it would be until I was actually in the situation.

It’s not how you came across at all, but there’s always someone ready to punch down. You’ve a hard age gap to navigate and of course you don’t think about the practicalities of that when having another child, because while you can foresee it you don’t know how it will be to live it.

I didn’t think about the implications of me going through menopause as an older mum while my DC are navigating puberty. That’s proving to be an absolute delight!

You’re doing a great job trying to keep all the plates spinning and it’s obvious you love and care for your kids.

Kind, supportive and helpful 👍 totally worth taking the time to post that one, well done

13 is a tricky age. They're realising that they don't have to do everything with their family, but don't have the freedom or finances to do what they want.

At 13, I was roaming aimlessly around with my mates, hoping some lads would suddenly find us devastatingly attractive. None of me or my friends ever did anything with our parents (90s teen).

When ds was 13, I could occasionally prise him out of his room, but only if he deemed the activity worthwhile. While family day out once over Easter was obligatory. He, shock horror, doesn't play sports (although has 2 activities), because he's always been shit at them and doesn't like team things.

Dd at 13 wanted me to sign her up for various activities, interspersed with a sleepover somewhere every other night. She can be lured out with me if I offer food or shopping.

If I had big and small, I'd be tempted to leave big to their own devices more and concentrate more on doing stuff with small, but offering big the opportunity:"going to the park. Coming?"
No.
"OK then. Can you just make sure you've done x before we get back? Thanks."