To hate school holidays

[ghostface99]

It’s just so draining.

Dh works full time and needs reminding it’s actually the holidays. Wouldn’t think to take time off unless prompted. Certainly hasn’t got the gumption to come up with any ideas for activities or days out. Will participate if I arrange but never suggests anything himself.

Eldest is almost 13 which is a tricky age because he’s too old for the kid friendly activities we used to do but also isn’t overly bothered about making his own plans with friends either. Left to his own devices he’d just sit on a screen for two weeks which isn’t ideal.

Youngest is 3 so also dealing with toddler tantrums, tiredness and challenging behaviour there.

There are no breaks. I’m constantly thinking of ways to keep both kids entertained and fed. I would love to just have a walk by myself but there’s no opportunity except for when they’re in bed by which time I just want to fall on the sofa and rot.

Add to this the doom scrolling of everyone else on holiday or expensive days out and I just feel shit. I would rather be at work. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that too.

It’s just endless pressure to the point where I feel quite anxious and stressed. I know people will say just let them chill at home. Do baking. Be in the garden. Let them make their own fun but it’s not like that. We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.

I wish we could go away but we can’t afford it. I’m just sick of everything being on me and feeling like I’m failing all the time.

Your issue is your family set up with your dh. I'd talk about it well in advance of holidays so you oh take some time off and plan stuff for the kids. With such an age gap it is obviously harder to do things they will both enjoy but you could try bowling, adventure parks, arcades etc. Do you have family that could help? If you are on Facebook you could find out which community centres are offering up classes or groups during the holidays, look at sports camps or whatever your eldest child is into. You sound overwhelmed with life in general and they only way for it to get better is to talk to your oh about how you feel.

We work our work schedule around each other so already have these conversations. I book holiday clubs to break up the weeks but also make sure we have some time to spend together as a family. This week we've been to bowling, had lunch before we left but did have dinner out, the next day was spent at home, the day after was a library trip after breakfast, visit to the shops and then yesterday one was at holiday club, the other went to preschool and one went to the cinema with his dad. Today they are off to an adventure park altogether whilst I'm at work.
On Saturday the older two are at a STEM workshop for the morning whilst I'm at work.

I’ve also used the tv for some 1:1 time with each, watching something together and chatting while we watch. Australian Lego masters has been great with my DS12 - the complexity of what they build is amazing and has inspired him to get creative. Every musical under the sun with DD13, lots of chat about costumes, drama and social commentary eg how women are portrayed or the nature of relationships. Using all the opportunities to connect without forcing it.

Ds does play rugby so has been training. Will also happily kick a ball around in the garden. I’m not overly strict on screen time in general because I believe he has quite a good balance of activities outside too. However in the holidays with so many more hours to fill the screen time does creep up.

Agree that my dh needs to do more. Even when he’s in charge of looking after them he’ll do nothing more than take them to the park. Would never take them swimming, bowling or anything like that on his own.

I feel your pain! Although my 12 year old is doing music theatre camp this week which is good re screens.

Can you encourage them to invite a friend over?

That is a really challenging age gap you have there though.

I also get very fed up with DH being constantly surprised it's the school holidays.

I'm struggling to understand what is so relentless with a 13 and 3 year old. The age gap with different interests could be hard but can you organise days out and get the 13 year old to bring a friend? Invite some of his pals over so they can entertain themselves. Yes your dh is working but there's a long bank holiday weekend in the middle that will break it up. My dh never thought to take leave at Easter either, used to prioritise summer so maybe just ask him to take the Thursday and Tuesday off either side of Easter which won't leave much time on your own with the kids

School holidays are tough OP - especially when they’re longer than a week. I like the suggestion by another poster to accept that some days will be screen time for your 13 year old so don’t feel the guilt. He’s been at School working for 5/6 weeks so this is his downtime.
Next week - I think you need to take a child each for a couple of days. I know it feels like families should be together during the hols but in reality it’s no good if everyone’s miserable! Do you have bikes? Cinema? McDonald’s?
Be kind to yourself OP - Mum guilt and the constant feeling of responsibility for meeting everyone’s needs is hard. You sound like you’re doing a great job x

He’s had friends over but only once. They all seem quite poor at organising things between themselves.
It’s relentless in the sense that im constantly doing mental gymnastics to try and figure out what we can do that will be suitable for both, trying to factor in one and one time, dealing with completely different needs and having absolutely no time to myself. And very little help.

We do have to take the divide and conquer approach at times, so Dh will watch the little
one so I can do something with ds or vice versa. But that hasn’t been an option this week.

I genuinely don’t understand, you’re exhausted and don’t get a break but you all just sit in different rooms all day with screens?

I love the school holidays but I'm separated from my DC dad so he has them almost half the time and actually does stuff with them so it's not all on me. I feel like the holidays are too short and I'd love more down time with DC. I have a smaller age gap though and 3 is a tough age. There is so much to do in this lovely weather, try not to wish it away.

First thing is remind yourself that people only put the good on social media not the bad. I sure as hell this week have only posted the positive not the negative days. Posted about our 2 days out (which I saved like crazy since feb half term for) and not the slow park days.

I love the holidays as it give me 1:1 time with my eldest - I keep the youngest in nursery but I get it! The constant thinking what to do all the time is hard. Esp when it is left to you mostly. Do you take all the holidays off?
We split out time. We don't take time off together unless its for camping when we usually take a fri and mon off and we all go together (me, DH, DS7 and DD3).
I also do not plan DH's week's activities. I'll give suggestions if I see something on facebook advertised but it is 100% his time and he has to deal with the fallout of screens all day if that is what they do.

How far in advance do you plan things? I found planning a holiday ahead helps alot. I'm already planning my summer holiday activities with DS. I find knowing what is going on and planning in advance helps with the constant drag of what to do all the time. This week is our first week of Easter and I had 90% pre-planned since Feb half term. It means I'm not scrambling around this week to think of ideas.

Why do kids have to be entertained by an adult all the time? My kids spent holidays playing in the garden, making up games, reading, crafts etc. didn’t have any sort of screens back then except the tv which stayed off until the late afternoon.

No, you’re creating these problems.
Theres nothing wrong with simple things or taking them to the park. You’re moaning about how exhausting it is and all the “mental gymnastics” involved with a 3 and 13 year old but then also moaning that your DH doesn’t come up with elaborate plans every day. It’s really not necessary.
If they are off for 2 weeks do 1 day each with a bigger activity and the rest is just local homely days. You’re causing your own problems here.
This over the top must plan structured and exciting activities all day everyday is actually not beneficial for children.

Would it feel better if you wrote it all down OP, a plan for the week ahead. You sound exhausted by the mental overwhelm of organising everyone. Your plan for the week can also include free time so could be morning - swimming, afternoon- free time. Then you don’t feel guilty about screen time as they’ve done a morning activity.
You can’t be expected to fill every minute with meaningful activities!

No we don’t do that. That’s what I’m trying to avoid. HTH.

“We all just sit in different rooms, usually on a screen of some kind.”

That's wonderful especially if you have 2 or 3 relatively close in age so will actually play together and amuse each other.

13 and 3 are miles apart.
The 13 yo probably out grown lots of things.
The 3 yo too young for lots of things.

I have a 6 year gap and struggled with it at times.
Swimming was a favourite of mine for a while keeping them both amused at the same time.

If social media is upsetting you then come off ot at least for Easter hols? The people who are also bored and frustrated aren't posting either!

I do feel your pain. My work schedule is flexible so I’m doing 12 hour days ( every other day so I hit my hours) . I’ve been taking the kids down to
Local loch with a paddle board. Eldest and middle child swim / paddle board. Youngest is mainly drawing in sand, digging holes and creating beach art. Dog is having endless games of fetch. I am knackered but it’s keeping everyone off screens for a good part of the day. Fresh air and exercise, costs nothing apart from petrol as just bringing picnic and icecream from home.

There isn’t anything wrong with it. I take them to the park too. But he point blank refuses to do anything else with them. Don’t know if it’s laziness or lack of imagination.

And yes it does require structure and a lot of thought to keep two kids with wildly different needs occupied.

I wish I had time off with my kids over the school holidays.

Possibly OP you’re overthinking this. Your 3 yo really shouldn’t be on screens anyway other than looking at a small amount of tv. If your older DS goes to rugby training once or twice a week, then maybe just let him have more than normal screen time - does he play with friends online ? Insist though he gets out of the house - just to the garden or for a walk once or twice a day. See can he have friends over once or twice during the holidays. Get him to do some chores every day.

Your older DS is probably old enough to be left at home by himself for an hour or so if he’s comfortable with that so you could bring your youngest DS for a walk or to the park.

Honestly, you’re not going to find to many activities that both your children will enjoy, given their ages. Sometimes it’s just nice to chill at home.

My kids spent holidays playing in the garden, making up games, reading, crafts etc. didn’t have any sort of screens back then except the tv which stayed off until the late afternoon.

It was a very different time then though if the only screen available was the tv. Expectations on parents were different in that there was no expectation that kids would be entertained 24/7 by parents and there was no social media to show you how shit a parent you were if your kids weren’t being constantly enriched with some activity or other. It’s easy to feel you should be doing “more” all the time with screen based entertainment being the fall back, particularly for young teens.

I'm struggling to understand what is so relentless with a 13 and 3 year old

Hard disagree. Those are really tricky ages. They'll both be into different things. Three year olds are labour intensive and 13 year olds are too old to want their mum to organise everything but still need some guidance..and are often just wanting to sit on screens all day.

You have my sympathy op ...I used to find the school holidays an endurance race!

Ive noticed us falling into this trap during the times we are at home. Obviously we can’t be out all day everyday. I’m trying to keep busy to avoid this happening too often. Really not sure what’s difficult.

Problem is if the adult doesn't direct things a bit many kids will be online. Yes you can restrict that but it's easiest to restrict it by going out somewhere to do something where you can't clutch a phone.

Swimming is ideal! But can be expensive these days.

OP, would a local leisure or club membership help? The Nuffield in our town is surprisingly good value and tween friendly.