To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

OP, MN is not a good place to ask this kind of question. They don’t like high earners here. When high earners are not being criticised and ridiculed, people will fall over themselves to convince you that you don’t need your high earning job. Not sure whether the women on here feel inadequate when they come across high earning women or it’s something else. The only responses you will get here are advising to quit.

Does it need to be as binary as quitting or continuing. Could you switch to another role within the company, elsewhere. Obvious, I know. But you will worked hard to get to where you area. Quitting seems extreme.

@Ivymom is spot on - you've got so used to having to handle, manage, predict, consider and mitigate everything for yourself you're not asking one of the basic questions that most people who haven't had your experiences ask - who can I ask for help? People who handle high stress jobs well tend to do it by outsourcing - childcare, cleaners, expert financial advice, regular counselling, even down to nutritionalists to stop them just living on cereal bars and Red Bull.

The other pattern I can see in your thinking is the assumption that you'll always have the same fears because you've had them for as long as you can remember, which is completely understandable but not set in stone. At the moment you're assuming a long break from work would cause a breakdown and without the right support you're probably correct, but if that long break was properly planned, regularly reviewed, and supported by counselling/therapy to understand which bits of your fears are still useful and which bits are irrational you may well find that risk becomes a lot lower. There's a difference between a paralysing fear of letting go of a high paying career, and a healthy awareness of the need to make sure you're financially secure and if you're in the first one, you'll need expert support to move to the second, but once you're there you'll be more able to make decisions that balance your financial and mental wellbeing better.

Thinking of you today OP as you read through everyone’s views and opinions and I hope there is some rest and recuperation for you in amongst the busyness of the day. In the meantime while you are considering what do to think about how you can improve your feelings and well-being today - what small things can make an improvement in the short term- eating well, maybe some stretches, breathing focusing on your body and how it feels, some mindful exercises, getting out in the fresh air . There’s some great follow along videos for 5-10 mins breathing relaxation on you tube or apps like the calm app if available in your country. These things while not going to solve the stress long term might help make today or tomorrow a better day x

I would look for the uni course you want to do, starting in September, full time or part time, I would try to get on the course. If you do, tell your employer you’re leaving at the beginning of August to start University, this is hard to argue with and should avoid any unpleasantness from them about leaving. You work the next 3 1/2 months knowing it’s your last, will make it easier, they get notice to find someone else or they get very cross and fire you immediately, no bad thing. Next year, go to uni and rest a little, when you feel better get a part time job alongside studying.

Personal chef?

100% leave.

I’ve suffered severe burnout and I’m struggling to find a way out of my current job, if I could afford to live on a lower paid job I would do it in a heartbeat.

I’m an nhs nurse and it’s ruined me mentally, the only way I cope now with the job is by neglecting all other aspects of my life/self as it takes so much out of me. That is no way to live and life is passing me by so fast.

if I was in your financial position I’d take time to recover (burnout takes months if not years to recover from). I’d do a low paid job but make a plan long term for my career.

I wish you all the best.

Quit. Take a few weeks to reset, then think about what you want to do. You might find that a break will give you the determination to go back into the industry at a slower pace of life. Or you may want a minimum wage job still, or something in between.

The world is your oyster. You only get one life. With a fully paid off house and income from your second property, you have so much more choice than most people. Use that choice to create a life with work/life balance. The decision you make now, can always change in the future. Don’t waste your life being miserable.

First thing is yo make time for regular therapy.

Secondly. take a holiday.

Get your savings out of anything "risky" so it's not an issue.

Think about getting a lodger if you decide to leave work

Look at the job market, e en apply for a few, youve nothing to lose.

Beyond that, I've no advice. I hope you make the right decision.

My ideal job (on the paper!) requires at least 5 years of studies.

What is that, @WannaQuit ?

If your job is what I think it is then I think you need to quit this placement. Take a break, get into a regular sleep schedule for a bit and take it from there. You are facing burn out.
If I’ve read the right AMA then you seemed happier back then. I think the hours have now taken their toll on you and you need to look after yourself and reset.
Your plan for what comes next can come a bit later once you have a clearer head.

Firstly, massive congratulations to you for reaching such a high-paying position at such a young age, that’s a huge achievement in many ways.
However - with such a huge salary, a fully paid up house and a very simple lifestyle and only £50k in savings….where is your money going?

£14k/month before or after tax?

I don't know where you live but would you pork out what living a reasonable standard of living costs each month and do that for a month, maybe two. Save the rest to add to your savings. We live on £6k to cover 5 of us including mortgage in the UK meaning we could save 8k of that 14k. For you it might be more depending on the country and your outgoings. If you can save what we could then that's quite a substantial top up to your savings over a one or two month period.. I would then quit as life is too short.

I think it's because she has housing with her job so when she is not working [sounds rare] she will fly to wherever she has bought a house and stay there.

She would be classed as a non-resident for tax purposes on the assumption she is taxed in the country she works in and therefore not be eligible for any benefits as she hasn't paid into any system in the country where she has a property.

@WannaQuit Realistically you need an exit plan. It may not be necessary to go back to a minimum wage job.
Your opening post stated " I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) ."
That's a very decent salary, so look for another job.

Hi. I had a husband who seemed more married to work than me. He was so stressed all the time and it broke us eventually. Now divorced and he has chosen to carry on working, albeit a little slower as he’s much older than you.
I would look at new ventures.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but what do you spend £14,000 a month on?

@WannaQuit i would leave and do a degree that will get me a job even on this current climate. That way you are unlikely to be earning minimum wage so wont worry you will end up in poverty. You can well afford to do this and have far more stability financially than most. Good luck

It's not extraordinary in Switzerland and some Central European countries.

I can’t give you advice if I don’t know what job you’re in. I’m an accomplished 40 something who has worked very hard to move up the ladder and I could probably provide some useful guidance as I’m quite a bit older than you. But without knowing what your job is I literally can’t tell you if it is worth sticking it out. My gut feeling is that you’re young and it doesn’t seem like you have kids so I would probably suggest staying for at least another year and save drastically. I realise you already have assets but you could stick it out a bit longer - again this is subject to what you actually do for a living. And no it isn’t 14k vs minimum wage. Even if you don’t have many qualifications. Best of luck

OP 50k in savings is not nearly enough for what you want to do.

Sorry, I've not read the full thread so apologies if any of this has already been addressed. Also to say, well done for clawing your way out of such a hard start in life, a lot of people don't manage this.

If you get paid sick pay, then I would take a couple of months off to really assess what you want to do. Taking that step back could help you see things more objectively. You say you absolutely cannot do 12 months more but maybe 6. I would do the 6 months and keep it in your head every day that you'll be free of it in X amount of days. During that time, squirrel away as much money as possible.

Buying this house with someone; is it going to cause you more stress if you do decide to give up your job and then have the worry about meeting the payments? If so, I'd give thst some thought. Of course I'd feel awful letting down say a sibling if they had worked hard towards this goal of buying and then I had to let them down. But give it some thought.

Choose wisely some minimum wage jobs are a whole heap of stress too , and you can't affort to treat yourself either.

You’re 29, own your home mortgage free with savings and no dependants. You can afford to just quit. Permission from MN granted. Financially, it’s not rocket science - there’s no risk. You have the luxury that you can afford the option to just quit or get a lesser paid job. Most of us will look for another job that pays less but will have more life balance. I definitely wouldn’t be committing to another 100% mortgage though in your circumstances, sibling or not - it just adds to your stress which you don’t need.

Can you quiet quit, ie, if you are putting 100% into your job at the moment, lower it to 60/70% and keep doing that until you quit or they fire you

You should also speak to a very good careers advisor to see if they can come up with some suggestions on how you may be able to use your transferable skills

Speaking 4 languages is a transferable skill in itself.

Will try and answer as much as I can while I can, but for all of those who haven’t yet read my former updates telling me I have options and can take a sabbatical or a sick leave or lower my hours. I want to stress that I genuinely can’t. I wish I could but my actual choices are either I stay under the current work conditions or I quit. That’s it. There really is no middle ground like dropping a day or getting a sick note. I wish there was, but that’s not the case in my industry.

If I quit I will 100% take some months off because I do need a break from the industry as a whole.

To the person who thought I said 4-5k was a minimum wage position. That’s not what I intended to mean. I meant that if I quit this specific position and stay in the same industry doing the same job (same hours and same kind of work though hopefully nicer work environment) I would have to accept a pay hit anyway and would likely go back to a pay range of 4-5k maybe 7-8k if I get lucky again or negotiate reallyyy well. For the same job and similar sacrifices.
So that’s something to take into consideration as well. Me earning what I earn in the job I do is a one time thing in my career and very unlikely to happen again and I am very aware of it.

Personally I am at a point where if I was to stay in the industry I would actually favor taking a 10k pay hit and drop back to a 4k position for a nicer/kinder work environment. I have always favored nicer work environment over pay anyway.

My issue is I feel I need a break from the industry as a whole for my mental health to recover, and I have no degree nor experience in anything else, hence why it’s likely what will be on offer for me if I leave are minimum wage positions and not highly paid positions.

I want to be realistic and even if I am fairly positive and resourceful I do know the reality of leaving this industry means leaving my earning potential behind at least for a long while.

As for my living situation I am not eligible for any benefits in the country I live in now as I live there but don’t work there and I am not a citizen. I would need to live there for 10 years to ask for citizenship (which I intend on doing) and I guess I would need to actively work there to be able to benefit from the system until then. Currently I have a private health insurance. I don’t have a pension pot I have looked into investing into a private pension pot but due to my “expat” situation they would expect me to put in a lot of money every month and that seem risky to me at a time where I am not even guaranteed to get to that age (I know it’s probably a stupid way of thinking everyone in their 20’s have, as in “why throw in thousands I might never get back if I don’t get old” kind of thing, but I want to be honest that I am struggling to invest money I won’t get back until I retire as that seems so risky to me and prefer having it accessible now. If people tell me I should in fact make that sacrifice I might reconsider but that’s definitely a scary step for me financially even if I know it might make total sense for the long-term future.

Regarding the second property I am buying with a sibling not a friend. I wouldn’t buy with a friend because I know friendships can collapse any minute and I wouldn’t want the added stress of a 25 year mortgage (for those who have asked) for a friendship that’s not even guaranteed to last half of that time. The property is in fact an investment property neither my sibling nor I will live in this place. The new property is in the same city I live in (and in one of the best neighborhoods of this city) and the plan is to rent it out. My sibling lives in my home country and have no interest in ever moving where I live and I have no interest to swap housing so it will be rented out (there is a very high rental demand where I live so I have no worries about that side of things though it’s always risky with squatters right etc… but that’s everywhere the same I guess).

I have several siblings, but this one is the one I am closest to and most similar to me and they are extremely responsible and hard working, this sibling has a very good head on their shoulder and very good ethics, I know there is always a risk they might change over the years but I honestly doubt that will happen and they genuinely do deserve the absolute best in life.

My goal and plan was always to help each of my sibling get to the property ladder if I could, as I am the oldest and things are so hard, unpredictable and worrisome economically for young people these days, and we/they will never inherit anything nor have any financial help from family and also have a tough past, and have to overcome a lot of prejudice in their lives day to day. And I don’t have kids currently, might never have them, and I have more than I need currently so it feels fair to invest it in my siblings while I can (I have always known my work schedule is not humanly sustainable long term, even in a positive and healthier environment). My other siblings are underage, so for now they are out of the house buying equation. But once the new property is officially bought, I will alter my will so that the sibling I am buying with will inherit my portion of that property and so my other property is inherited by the rest of my siblings alongside whatever I have on my accounts.

It’s important to me that if I drop dead tomorrow everything I work for does not go. back to those who abused me and I have nobody else to leave it to anyway.

I have picked a mortgage I can pay back on a minimum wage job even if my sibling stopped paying their part. That was important to me and my main criteria in agreeing to the project because I wanted to make sure I could quit the industry at anytime and not get into debt I can’t afford.

I come from a background where I really didn’t think I would have the mental strength to survive to see my 20’s let alone my 30’s, so I had never really planned past that point and while I am in much better spirits (despite it all) and now hope and wish I will live a long life (and get to enjoy it too) it’s still so hard for me to let go of that survival mindset and imagine and plan for the long-term future and I also feel I am not just planning my future I feel I am also (or even more so) trying to plan and secure my siblings’ future because with buying my own home outright I feel/felt like I had secured my own already, so everything now feels a bit more for them than for me as I feel not having to ever pay rent or a mortgage would have been enough to live a good life even on a low salary (and that was my intended plan for myself). I just want them to have that safety net too.

there is a mid way between minimum wage and £170k annually

I was working at a senior level, charity sector, £70k ish - several high stress roles 50-70 hours weekly. Last year I moved to a different specialism that I'd covered in previous roles, but doing just that, not the wider role and at a less senior level, and now working part time. The FTE salary isn't minimum wage, but about half what I was earning previously, and I pay sod all in tax.
I'm much happier, and wish I'd made the change 20 years ago.